I've been pondering McCheaters ticket (clearly the "family values" team) and their whole meme of "guilt by association."
And I pondered how it relates to my own life. How 'guilty' are my associations? Been around awhile now. Met a lot of people.
Well, it turns out that I didn't realize what a colorful and important Rolodex I had - at least by their "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" standard.
When I was 8, we took a family vacation with the neighbors, who later divorced. We moved away and so did they. Years later, he was convicted of tax fraud and illegal real estate deals after his second wife disappeared. Clearly I was pallin' around with future felons when I was 8. I should have known!
I spent 4 years in a Catholic high school where I was taught by nuns. Clearly, I was pallin' around with religious extremists out to brainwash impressionable young minds with all their left-wing liberal talk about peace and justice. What a bunch of crazies! How could I sit there for 4 years and listen to such things?!
Over the years, I've met actor Robert Conrad, former soap actor Andy Kavovit, film actor Michael Madsen, and had my photo taken with TV actor Steve Bacic at a sci-fi convention (the only one I've ever been to). I'm also a former camp counselor to the likes of Billy Zane and Virginia Madsen when they were teens. Clearly, I've been pallin' around with the Hollywood elite for years. (The facts that Mr. Conrad is a conservative Republican and Mr. Bacic lives in Canada and not Hollywood are immaterial.) See you all on the red carpet.
Oh, the people I know! Felons, religious zealots, and - horror of horrors - Hollywood liberal elitists. But it doesn't stop there, oh no. By the McFailin' standard I got real connections.
In 2002, I happened to be in Toronto when His Holiness, Pope John Paul II, was visiting. Although I was there on other business, it seemed like every day that weekend, I'd turn at least one corner where he was having some event. The streets were blocked and despite the crowds, I could see the frail, elderly man sitting in a chair up on a platform. It was as if our agendas just kept crossing paths. Clearly I was pallin' around with the Pope. And since that Pope knew this Pope, it stands by the McFailin' reasoning that I must know Pope Benedict, too, by association of course. Or osmosis.
I'll put in a good word with 'im for ya, John and Sarah, because at this point, you don't have a prayer.