"More and more I feel that the people of ill will have used time much more effectively than have the people of good will. We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people.... We must use time creatively, in the knowledge that the time is always ripe to do right." - The Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr., "Letter From A Birmingham Jail", April 16, 1963 (excerpted under claim of fair use)
Two years ago, I put up a post on National Coming Out Day, discussing some personal examples from friends, acquaintances, colleagues and former classmates of the difficulties that they have faced in being human. This is my attempt to do a better job this time than I did then, under the doctrine of "live and learn."
Now you might say, "being human"? Don't you mean, "being gay?"
Well, same-sex attraction or same-sex sexual activity are not unique to the human race. Many, many animal species have those traits as natural variations within their population. But only the human race persecutes its same-sex oriented neighbors, sisters, brothers under claims of a alleged divinely-ordained privilege to persecute, punish and on occasion kill those members of their species.
Stating that our gay and lesbian sisters and brothers, sons and daughters, mothers and fathers are PEOPLE is a radical act that undercuts the attempts at their dehumanization by religious fanatics of every stripe.
Gay and lesbian people are people.
Let me say it again: gay and lesbian people are people. To call them less than human is to confess oneself as inhuman. To fail to care about their welfare is to be indifferent to the welfare of the human race as a whole.
No one should try to outdo the unbelievably powerful personal story of BoiseBlue, to whom all of us should extend our solidarity and respect as a sister who has had to fight the hard fight for her HUMAN dignity far too many times and at severe cost. In a just world, her fight would be our fight and should be our fight, and if we are not here now to fight for a just America and and just world, why are you here and, paraphrasing the Jewish sage Hillel, if not now, when?
Now newcomers to this site might ask, who are you to use this kind of language? Who the hell is tbrucegodfrey, this arrogant diarist who writes so presumptuously?
I am nobody in particular and that's exactly the point. You shouldn't need a "special someone" to tell you that stealing is wrong, that murder is wrong, that using the apparatus of the state as a tool to foul up other people's lives in the name of "God" or "holiness" or "family values" is an outrage.
Who am I? It doesn't matter. This is not about me. But if you need to know, here's who and what I am.
I am a 39 year-old father of two autistic preschoolers. I don't happen to be gay; at 39, I'd probably know it by now. My boys might be gay, hypothetically. Who knows? They are 3 and 5 now. I am a fairly uptight attorney who works in a variety of practice areas. I don't work for the ACLU, keep a vegan kitchen, wear Birkenstocks, listen to indie music. I don't know what the heck "arugula" is and don't want to know. I like pizza and good beer. I like football, especially the Baltimore Ravens, especially when Ray Lewis knocks a quarterback flat on his ass. I look like a rock star; unfortunately, the rock star I most resemble is probably Elton John. Until my ex and I sold our townhouse, I co-owned a small amount of dirt, a grill and a lawn mower in the suburbs. I shop at Sam's Club, and I like Willie Nelson. In short, I ought to be working for the Republicans, right?
People who fit my demographic profile are supposed to be Republicans, and typically are not exactly pro-gay/lesbian. At best, we might appear to be "moderates." And that's just the point. In a civilized world, we could be moderates, even conservatives, and still have a conscience. But we haven't made our society a civilized one for gay and lesbian people yet. We are watching the goal-line defense by conservatives to protect Jim Crow marriage laws. They lost the Jim Crow fight on the HUMAN RIGHTS of black Americans, but they want desperately not to lose Jim Crow marriage. Accordingly, we would-be "average moderates" cannot accommodate these conservatives, but must crush their efforts.
I speak up as an average person for the folks - the PEOPLE - I care about whose lives endure a great, way-above-average impact from our collective dehumanization of them.
I speak up for my cousin A_________, whose 10-year relationship and religious marriage ceremony to her wife mean less legally in her state than my now near-defunct marriage does to my soon-to-be-ex. My cousin wants a marriage license; I want to lose one. Unfortunately, we cannot execute a swap as if it were a liquor license for a bar in a sale. Her parents refused to attend her wedding; her mother, my aunt, is now dead.
I speak up for my friend B_______, who after decades in the Mormon (LDS) Church including extensive mission work in France left the church and is out of the closet. He now finds his former church funneling millions of dollars - apparently through pressure on church members within the church sacraments and procedures such as the threat of withholding "temple recommends" from those who balk - into the Proposition 8 initiative in California, which would strike down the equal protection clause in California's constitution to the extent necessary to slam the clerk's door on the fingers of same-sex couples seeking marriage licenses and marital protection under the law.
I speak up again for "Stan" and "Tim" from my prior diary - classmates from my college who each confided to me almost twenty years ago the all-to-familiar fear that they had: of severe or even violent parental rejection upon finding out that their son was gay.
We should ALL speak up for every gay or lesbian teenager who is - tonight - thinking about suicide, or drinking heavily or using drugs, or living on the streets, because of the intolerable social reality of their parents' rejection, violence or hatred of their own HUMAN REALITY.
It's easy to get cocky, now. We are beating McCain's team badly, justly. But these so-called conservatives aren't even conservative any more. It's not conservative to stoke a crowd to violence. That's what fascists do. Conservatives, at their best, respect law, order, basic principles and move slowly and cautiously. In a civilized world, we could all afford to be conservative, as what we would be "conserving" would be pretty reliably fair and just. But instead we have watch the party of Eisenhower (may his name be a blessing for us) now to the party of "Bomb Obama" and "Arab terrorist!!" and "treason" regarding our nominee. It's really the Fred Phelps model of advocacy, writ large. That's one end of dirt-ball "conservative" hatred. Its more sanctimonious, BS-dripping version comes in the lies that they spread about what same-sex marriage will do to straight marriage (any answer other than "increase the waiting time in line at the marriage license office by 2-3 percent" being stone bullshit.)
Any California Democrat who is going GOTV for Obama within California should tell Team Obama "no thanks", and immediately start the fight against Prop 8. Anybody voting against Prop 8 is a pretty likely Obama voter anyway, as if it mattered. Killing Prop 8 is the core target of the HUMAN RIGHTS effort for gay and lesbian people right now, period.
Two years ago, I tried to argue that fighting for gay and lesbian rights was not at core a "straight dad's fight." Commenters correctly got in my face - politely, but firmly - to remind me that it was ABSOLUTELY a straight dad's fight. They were right; I was wrong. It is our fight - for all of us. If you are human and justice is actually a moral priority for you, it must be your fight, too. Prop 8 Yes has millions of dollars of mostly Mormon-directed money. Latter-day Saints have every right to participate in the political process, but in the end, whether the LDS church gets to win this fight is up to all of us. Does the LDS church get to kill equal protection of the law, and slam the government's door on the fingers of our fellow citizens? If not, please step up for the HUMAN RIGHTS of your fellow humans, and donate. Senator Obama doesn't need your money, and he doesn't need door-knockers in San Jose or Bakersfield, either, if the price is the passage of the hideous Prop 8.
If this diary has seemed a little too "in your face," I apologize. Please take it as a sign of enthusiasm and zeal, not as harshness or arrogance. I have spent too much time with friends and with family, and read too many statistics about suicides and runaways by gay and lesbian teenagers, to be polite. And I feel a lot of guilt about the years I spent trying to be "moderate" on these issues, the pain of other human beings that I ignored. Please consider this diary my "Diary of Atonement." At 39, I don't have time to try to be a Ward Cleaver moderate anymore.
UPDATE: Here's a good general guide to being a straight ally from PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.)