I was encouraged by reading all the many National Coming Out Day diaries - from lbgt folks, and also from straight supporters! My story is fairly typical of gay folk who came out in the mid-1980's - but I'll share it all the same.
I grew up in a very small town in southeastern Pennsylvania - population about 3,500, including chickens and cows. Family was wall-to-wall Republicans. They never talked about gay issues one way or the other when I grew up, but my dad was increasingly distressed that I never dated or even seemed especially interested in girls.
My parents' marriage went from bad to worse - lots of alcohol, lots of violence - so my priority was just getting by. I was never popular, but had a few close male friends, all from families just as screwed up as my own, and we all kind of pulled each other through. Breathing a sigh of relief about getting away from home, I went to Penn State. Had a great time there, but felt an ever-increasing attraction to the guys on campus, and not a flicker of interest toward women. In high school I could always tell myself I just hadn't found the right woman, but on a large campus with tens of thousands of female students (and having been stalked by one disturbed female student in particular who once literally broke into my bedroom while I was sleeping to be with me...but that's another story....) I had to begin to admit to myself that I probably wasn't going to marry and have 2.5 kids and the house with the white picket fence. My alcohol consumption went out of control, but I still graduated.
In the 1980's, I visited gay bars in Philly, under cover of darkness. The people I met there scared me - I was a mess at the time, and drew people with "issues". Eventually bottomed out on alcohol, sobered up, and met my partner of almost 20 years at an AA meeting. Met a lot of other wonderful, caring people - many of whom had contracted HIV during their drinking days. Lots of memorial services as one man after another after another got sick and died - many of them totally cut off from family, mourned only by partners or a handful of gay friends. Joined Metropolitan Community Church for spiritual support (I'd also been a UCC member, but my congregation had not yet taken a public stand for lgbt welcome, so I hid in the choir). Became a eucharistic minister and prayed with a lot of individuals and couples who were dealing with illness. More memorial services, a few of which I helped lead (many churches and pastors wouldn't touch a gay funeral in those days)...I still choke up when I think of those years where every single weekend included hospital visits, or memorial services, or both....
In the mid-1990's, a lot of things changed for me - the new AIDS drugs were giving a lot of gay men a new lease on life. My UCC congregation became open and affirming toward lgbt's. I represented the church at gay events to encourage lgbt folk to visit - and they did! With greater openness I also experienced some ugly moments - one time a group of four guys tried to gaybash me, but I fought them off - God must have been watching over me that day....
I'm now a licensed gay UCC pastor, leading a very small congregation in a neighborhood that struggles with racial issues, let alone gay issues. My congregation won't take a public stand - out of fear for my being shot and the church's being firebombed - but we are a place of welcome. My partner and I have been together 19 years - he's totally ostracized by his family, but mine has come to welcome him. We're dealing with health problems - partner was diagnosed with heart failure a few years back, and life is becoming complicated - but we're blessed to have made it this far together.
Long story short - coming out has enabled me to experience far more of life - more bad and more good - than I ever could have done in the closet.