I have come to believe that there are two stances people can take in life. We can live in a state of fear or a state of love. They're incompatible, you have to choose one or the other. When I'm living in fear, love is not possible: when I am in a state of love I have no fear.
I've been rocked and stunned this week reading about the attacks, the lies, the filth coming from the opposition party and its surrogates and apologists. I've too often been enraged, and contemptuous, and filled with a desire for revenge. I don't like being hateful, it isn't good for me, and it takes me into dark territory, the same dark territory that I despise when I see others living in it. It's difficult to stand back and try to love the monkey man. I am repelled by people who yell "kill him" during a Palinfest, and by watching videos of people who seem to be filled with hatred.
Then I remember about fear, how it can poison what is good in me, and I start to be able to see the fear in them, hidden beneath their bullying facades. Taking that step back allows me to stop dehumanizing them. I know that when I'm demonizing someone, even in a mild way, what drives my thinking is a gut-deep fear that I'm not a good person myself, that my defenses might be stripped away and I'll be revealed as a fearful, self-doubting human being: I'll be vulnerable, and others will have the power to hurt me.
When I can move closer to the blessed place of love I can see that these are damaged human beings. The rage and the hatred they express comes from profound wounds. Sarah Palin reminds me of every sexual abuse victim I've known: seductive, obsessed with her looks, ruthless, amoral, hungry for adulation and power, and entirely unaware of the effect she has on others. I believe that the people who idolize her are truly unable to recognize that her "charm" is superficial, or that she is shallow, incurious, and self-serving. They want someone to believe in as much as I want it, but they've been taught to mistrust anyone different. They feel safe in their churches because they're with people who believe exactly what they believe. They need to be told what to think, how to act, and what to believe because the world is a huge, terrifying place for them, and they feel small and insignificant in it.
It's a huge struggle for me to practice being loving until I focus on the passion all of us feel about working to ensure that Barack Obama is our next President. I love Joe and Jill Biden, Michelle Obama, and the Clintons on the stump for Obama. For the first time since the Kennedy years I have hope for my country, for Americans, for the future. I was young when JFK was murdered, and terrified to know that this could happen in my country. I was older during the Vietnam/Nixon years. I marched and protested, and believed that ordinary people could create change. We didn't - too many of us allowed ourselves to be co-opted. Over the years my cynicism has taken over, and during the Bush administration I'd given up altogether. I came to wonder if the destruction of the USA would be a bad thing after all.
What changed me was that I have someone and something to work for now. In Barack Obama I see a man who is fit for the 21st Century. I see a man who will face challenges, tell us the truth about those challenges, and inspire us to work to meet them. I see realism and idealism in balance. I see an adult with vision, resolve, and grace, and I have hope again.
I ask for help every morning, help from God(ess) to stay clear and clean and loving today. I remember that a group of Buddhist monks undertook to pray for the people who live in Washington DC, and the crime rate went down. I'm praying for the frightened people who hide behind hate. I'm sending light and love, because it's the only way I can live in light and love myself.
This may sound silly to a lot of you, but maybe some of you will join me, and maybe it will make a difference.
And please, don't get complacent. Work like maniacs to get this man elected - we're a nation starving for hope.