After tonight's debate, Senator Obama -- and I congratulate you on your fine performance -- I think the time has come to address something not exactly urgent, but still in the end important. This is one of those oft-overlooked transition things. Granted, there are good arguments to be made for it not being right up at the top of the priority list right this minute. I know you've got a lot to think about. I understand that. I'm first in line on that. But the McCain campaign has especially tried to bring this issue to your attention, and it's for your own good in the grand scheme of things, so I'm just helping here to ease some of the focus to that. The time has come for us to tee this up.
Just hear me out for a minute. Because I want to talk drapes.
Now, the measurements on these things are actually pretty well known. You're going to be able to gather that from places like The White House Museum Online and so forth. So I think the "measurement" thing per se is overblown. I think the McCain campaign, though well-meaning, is not entirely correct to put the focus on that. You're going to be able to get the dimensions on those pretty easily. I don't need to get long-winded in that area.
And let me just interject something before we get to the meat here: You have to have valances. You don't want that rod just sticking out up there. But you already know that.
So let's cut to it: I'm talking about two main things here. I'm talking overall impression, and I'm talking light penetration. Let me address the latter first.
Now, you know, some people are going to tell you that you want lined. I don't think you want lined. Let me tell you why. And some of this goes to impression. What you don't want to do here is set up an impenetrable fortress, and if you don't let some light out at nighttime, I'm afraid it's going to come off as though you want to keep prying eyes out. And I understand that you do need to do that on occasion. But this is where we get into uncoated fabrics. Look, of course you're going to have sheer curtains underneath these things, because during the day, you want that natural light. But at night, cameras can see right through that, and that's not always appropriate. So you want people to know that the lights are on in there, and maybe even let them see the occasional silhouette pacing by the window, but not in a way that lets them read what's on the desk, if you see what I mean. OK, so I'm just putting uncoated out there. It's your decision, of course, but if you want my advice, that's what I'd go with in this case.
I think there are two kinds of impressions that those drapes are going to be able to lend: one of these is the commander-in-chief thing, where you've got gold, you've got eagle finials, you've got rope tiebacks. I don't mean shimmery gold, I mean velvet. Substantial. If you want the commander-in-chief vibe, I think that's a great way to set that up. The eagles, though, in my view, ought to suggest timelessness. Go with the 1776 variety. I don't think this is a place for experimentation. The other is a more general stateliness, which, if you want to pull off, you need to pull off without going regal. You don't want kingliness by any means. No purple, no animal prints. Let's just get that out of the way. I think cardinal or navy would do the job here, and again I'm going to suggest something like velvet. I don't think prints or reliefs are going to be useful, even if they're understated. That may play in the bedroom, but I wouldn't do that in the Oval Office.
OK, I'm just saying the time seems to be nigh for these and many other considerations, and I'm just putting it out there for you because I care.