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I apologize, but as soon as I conclude writing this diary I'm going to walk down the block and set my neighbor Jill on fire.

She's in her her mid-to-late 50's, is a lovely, smart, women who has bought birthday and holiday gifts for both of my children (has even cared for our dog when she got sick) but by the definition of Michelle Bachman, representative from Minnesota (as well documented in thereisnospoon's diary) poor Jill is an un-American, liberal leftist... and given that she's acted on these views by protesting and writing letters, she has, essentially, committed treason and therefore must die.

Its truly unfortunate, seeing as there are many, many of my close friends who I'm also going to have to murder out of a sense of patriotism.

My next door neighbors Ben and Kara... Greg and Susan across the sidewalk... Marianne and Jordan, and possibly their eight year-old son Cameron, who I'm quite sure I saw once carrying a sign that said "America Can Do Better" at an anti-Iraq war last summer.

Its a shame Cameron is never going to get to go to high school or college, get a driver's license or fall in love, but if its possible for a leftist, America-hating, liberal like Barack Obama to rise to within eighteen days of being the President, isn't it my duty to snuff out Cameron, who has already shown the very same tendencies at such a young age.

I'll probably shoot him in the chest.

My wife Holly, who has given money to the ACLU will probably have to go and if I'm honest with myself... there is a suicide at the end of this all.

Poison?

Knife?

Hard to say.

Whatever is the most patriotic.

Because if Michelle Bachman defines Americanism, then at this moment, as I sit here seething, my fingers hammering the keyboard, I HATE AMERICA more than any soul that has been a citizen of these fifty states.

Its was nice knowing you.

What follows I do...

Originally posted to SYFPH on Fri Oct 17, 2008 at 04:46 PM PDT.

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