Dear Senator McCain:
Recently your campaign has accused the Obama campaign of accepting "secret donations" and of having a "fishy fundraising" operation. I think that I may have some information that you can use.
Normally, I don’t donate to politicians as a matter of principle. However, this past cycle, I have been getting bombarded with these e-mails asking for donations. I don’t even know how these people were able to get my e-mail address. I suspect it might have something to do with Senator Kerry, who for some reason still keeps on bombarding me with e-mails.
Anyway, I have been ignoring the e-mails. But for the past month my cousin has been harassing me to donate to the Obama campaign. Moreover, he has asked that I harass my friends too. The pain became too great to bear, so I caved in.
In conclusion, I think the Obama campaign has violated several laws. Senator Kerry has given my e-mail to the Obama campaign; that must violate some statue. Then the Obama campaign without my explicit permission, kept on sending e-mails. Finally, my cousin kept begging me to send the campaign money. I think this might count as harassment, stalking and assault.
Furthermore, since the aforementioned participants created an interstate conspiracy, I think you can establish a RICO predicates and make this a federal prosecution. You can start with arresting Senator Kerry, and perhaps he will roll on Obama. If you need my further assistance, I can name names-but I would need witness protection. Anywhere that is oceanfront would suffice (except TX and LA). If you need to talk to me, please contact the NSA-they will know how to get a hold of me.
Regards,
Kalki