I'll be dropping three signed copies of the letter below--One to the California GOP, one to the National GOP, and one to McCain HQ, along with my absentee ballot, in the mail this afternoon. I thought I'd share it with all of you.
My name is ******* *******. My voting address is **** **** ** **, Sacramento, CA, 95818. I have only registered once, under one name, at one address, which is my legal residence. I have donated $80 to Obama for America. If you include in-kind contributions-- things like travel expenses to canvass in swing states and purchases of bumper stickers, rally signs, and t-shirts, the total is closer to $150.
Per FEC regulations, the Obama campaign is not required to report my name on their disclosure forms, and frankly, I don’t blame them. They have enough donors to deal with without my small pittance.
I’m certain that I am a U.S. Citizen. I can provide you a copy of my birth certificate to prove it. I know that even that may not be enough to satisfy your exacting standards, so if you wish, you can also personally inspect it.
I do have some doubt, however, as to whether I qualify as a "real American".
I was born in California, which I know doesn’t usually count as "real America". However, I was raised in a small town in the Sierra-Nevada foothills in the 4th Congressional District. As I’m sure you’re aware, this is a Republican-leaning district, so I believe this qualifies my hometown as "real America".
In addition, I am an Eagle Scout. I was in a leadership position in my troop for 18 months. During this time, I led my troop in the Pledge of Allegiance and Scout Oath, affirming our duty to God and Country, every Thursday evening.
However, I am not sure if any of this counts as "real American" activity, because one of our troop’s Eagle Scouts is openly gay.
I also oversaw multiple flag retirement ceremonies. If you have never been to a flag retirement put on by the Boy Scouts, I highly recommend it. One of my favorites is conducted at Camp Winton, where I was a staffer for two years.
The flag to be retired is displayed for the last time while staffers hidden in the woods tell tales of America’s greatness in booming, imposing voices. During my tenure, I served as the collective voice of past Presidents, sports figures, inventors, and American soldiers killed in combat.
The effect, especially on first-time campers, is chilling. It is as if the ghosts of our glorious past are speaking directly to them from the great beyond. At the end of it all, the program director bellows "God Bless America" in a voice that could shake the mountains, just before the flag is lowered into the fire. Very few people, seeing this for the first time, come away with dry eyes.
However, one of the great Presidents mentioned is FDR, and we do not exclude dead soldiers who may have been Muslims, so this also may not qualify as a "real American" activity.
When I graduate from college, I intend to spend time in the Peace Corps serving my country, because I know that as a proud citizen of the greatest country in the world, I have a duty to spread our wealth and good will to all the corners of the Earth.
Of course, the Peace Corps was established by Liberals, so I’m not sure if this actually counts as "national service".
If you feel that I am not a "real American", please let me know so I can turn myself in to HUAC, and request that the Obama campaign return my donations.
In closing, eat my asshole.
Sincerely,
******* *******