Bachmann Admits Inner Rage
Michele Bachmann called a press conference this morning to apologize to all good Americans, especially the liberal and leftist ones in Congress. She explained how lonely she was as a child, growing up with German parents who avoided other people and spoke very little English. “They didn’t even bother to learn how to spell Michelle properly,” she said through her tears. “It was so embarrassing when my friends came over to play in the winter time and saw us burning books in our stove instead of wood. Worst of all was the brown dress and black leather boots they made me wear to school every day. It was horrible, like a prison camp! I hated them and I hated everyone in town who laughed at me.” She ended her statement by saying how truly sorry she was, and went on to promise that she would never again attempt to persecute leftists, trade union members, or people who don’t believe in Jesus.
-Studs