Listen to Grampa kids. OK - I may not be your Grampa, but I am a Grampa. Have lots of experience doing the Halloween thing. I myself had some pretty outlandish costumes when I was young. I went as C-3PO in 1978, and I must say, I even managed to kind of look like him. Another time I went as a skeleton. I was only four, and it was a pretty cute costume, so my parents ended up with a lot of candy. I think that's when my mother began having to see the dentist so often, frankly.
Where costumes go, the ones that tend to land the candies are the ones that are scary, or the ones that are cute. Now if you're already a seasoned hand at trick or treating, you probably know that, and that is why you figure going as Governor Palin is a good fit for you... she's either scary or cute - the latter, if the person who answers the door is a beer drinking "real American."
You see Pro-America Americans think this is cute.
Anti-America Americans, you know... normal folk, I guess... well, I think that image causes more of a spontaneous chill than Dracula does. And I mean the real Dracula, Bela Lugosi.
So in summary, I get it. But below, we'll discuss why this is a bad idea.
First of all, it isn't just people who find the subject of your costume frightening. Various non-human subjects will also be nervous. For instance, if you live in a rural area, you could cause serious traffic accidents as moose, caribou, and red-tailed deer flee you onto the road. So that's bad.
But even in the city, on Halloween, you could cause quite a fright. For instance, any lycanthropes (the wolf-man or werewolves) will run around trying to find shelter, frantically looking for helicopters in the sky. It's a bad scene - you could have stampeding werewolves blocking major roadways and assaulting helicopter pilots. Not good.
Now, also too, there is another factor to consider. The cost of your costume. You really only want to spend twenty bucks or so, because the haul is only going to be about $40.00 worth of candy... I mean, people aren't giving you the normal size chocolate bars or chip bags, they're giving you those mini-ones. And candy apples really aren't worth that much, even if Mom lets you eat them.
Here's what you're facing outfitting yourself as Sarah Palin.
For clothes you will need a red or black suit jacket and black pants. Look for shoulder pads in the jacket.
Now everybody knows that to get the really good stuff (and not the aforementioned candy apples) you really have to look the part. And that could cost you a lot, kids. Listen to Grampa. Here's the kind of stuff you have to shell out for to look like the Governor.
Set includes:
• Jacket: Black. Embellished detail at jewel neckline; hidden button front. Long sleeves. Welt pockets. Polyester/rayon/spandex. Imported.
• Skirt: Black. Pencil skirt. Polyester/rayon/spandex. Imported.
The price? $398.00. And that's one of her least pricy items. Now don't get me wrong, this is a great outfit. In 15 years, when you're going from brokerage to brokerage looking for a job, you'll want to be wearing this number. But right now? You'd have to go door to door in half the city to land $398.00 worth of candy. And kids, if you get that much candy, you'll be paying a lot more than $398.00 in dental bills, even if all you have to pay is the deductible.
And we're not done. You know you have to get the glasses right. You need a pair of Kazuo Kawasakis, and kids, those are going for $300.00 on eBay.
So let me sum by saying this - go as Dracula (some fangs, a plastic cape and makeup and you're good to go.) Go as a werewolf (just duct tape your dog to your head.) Or if you must, go as C-3PO, although I was better than you will be.
But the cost-benefit ratio says, don't be Sarah Palin. The candy won't be enough to pay off your credit cards. And these are tough times. Take my word for it.