SCENE I: Curtain opens on an ecomonically-ravaged American town, Election Day, 2008.
Outside a polling place, two Democrats wait in line to vote.
[To the tune of "1921"]
DEM #1 (with feeling) to DEM #2:
I've got a feeling 20-09
Is going to be a good year.
Especially if you and me
See Barack elected!
JOHN MCCAIN [lurking behind voting machine with SARAH PALIN]:
So you think 20-09
Is going to be a good year.
It could be good for me and her [points at PALIN],
But you and "that one"
[gestures at BARACK OBAMA, who enters stage left with JOE BIDEN]
no, never!
OBAMA:
I had no reason to be over optimistic,
But somehow when voters hoped
I could brave bad smear tactics.
POLLING PLACE WORKERS:
What about the chads?
What about the chads?
What about the chads?
We'll count them all!
From the television, CNN's WOLF BLITZER:
It's official! Barack Obama has won a landslide!
MCCAIN and PALIN (panicked, to voters):
You didn't hear it.
You didn't see it.
You won't say nothing to no-one
ever in your life.
You never heard it.
Oh, how absurd it
All seems without any proof [PALIN 'accidentally' drops a lit book of matches into the bin of Obama ballots, MCCAIN flips TV to FOX News]
BILL O'REILLY: You didn't hear it.
You didn't see it.
You won't say nothing to no-one.
Never tell a soul
What you know is the Truth.
HILLARY CLINTON [enters, wrenches remote control away from MCCAIN, switches TV to MSNBC] to voters:
[To the tune of "It's a Boy"]
It's a ploy, Joe Six Packs, it's a ploy.
It's a ploy, Joe Six Packs! It's a ploy!
BARACK & BIDEN: We won!
VOTERS: We won!
ALL: We won!
MCCAIN [sadly] to PALIN:
What about the plo-o-oy?
---
SCENE II: The Oval Office, January 20, 2009
(To the tune of "Do You Think It's All Right"]
GEORGE W. BUSH [while packing up his desk] to DICK CHENEY:
Do you think it's all right
To leave the country to that black guy?
BUSH & CHENEY together:
Do you think it's all right?
CHENEY:
I don't know, I mean, his mom was white.
In Unison:
Do you think it's all right,
I don't think it's all right
no it isn't, this bites!
[Exit together. KARL ROVE creeps into Oval Office, holding a wiretapping device]
[To the tune of "Fiddle About"]
ROVE:
I'm your wicked Uncle Rovie
I'm glad you won't see or hear me
As I fiddle about
Fiddle about
Fiddle about!
My party left me here to mind you
Now I'm doing what I want to
Fiddling about
Fiddling about
Fiddle about!
[Plants wiretap on phone, creeps out]
---
SCENE 3: Inauguration of President Barack Obama
[To the tune of "Pinball Wizard"]
BARACK to nation:
Ever since I was a young boy
I've seen what this nation can be
From Harvard down to Springield
Fought for liberty
Now it's time to take back
our great country
That mean, dumb and bad Bush
is fin'lly history!
DEMOCRATS:
He's a natural leader
There's got to be a twist
A natural leader
How long we've prayed this!
MCCAIN: How do you think he does it?
PALIN: I don't know
MCCAIN: What makes him so cool?
BIDEN:
He ain't got no dementia
Or plan to tax health care
No hockey mom running mate
With one style of hair
No witch doctors in his closet
or Alaskan secessionists
That's a natural leader
Oh how we needed this!
BUSH:
I thought I was
The 'Mercuns king
But I just handed
My 'Mercun crown to him
...END ACT I...
Stay tuned for ACT II tomorrow, featuring the "Rapture Queen", "Ronny Can You Hear Me," and "We're Not Gonna Take It!"
BONUS EXTRA: "Babble O'Reilly"