As America's first Credit Card War aka the War On Terror, lingers in the post-surge media background like a festering wound, will the Anbar Awakeningcontinue to inspire the people of Iraq to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and become a unified country?
... or will they descend into a new round of tribal conflict and civil war that fails women and spreads like a virus inflaming the entire Middle East?
Will the most secretive administration in American history, guided by the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy and the sinister neocon cabal of Corporate overlords, pressure and manipulate Iraqi Prime Minister elect, Nouri al-Maliki to sign an agreement surrendering the security of his country to a permanent U.S. presence for 100 years, as Presidential candidate Senator John Sidney McCain III (POW!) has postulated?
Can a foriegn country survive
invasion liberation by a culturally insensitive Great Satan America and rise from the depleted uraniumashes before the Taliban regains a stronghold in "neighboring" Afghanistan and sends in new waves of recruited mujahadeen, who rise up eager to bomb themselves and all whom they can take with them into bloody holy-warrior hell?
Who will brave the wild hills of the Pakistani borders to capture once and for all, the former Bush family business partner and terrorist-turned-icon, Osama bin-Laden, in his
two-story french (French!) brocade trimmed veranda hidden mountain lair and thus end his lucrative video release parties Evil Empire!
See the unbelievably tragic meltdown of one time war hero and five time crash pilot, John McCain, (POW!) the quintessential contrarian candidate and re-invented Maverick of Ages, (and ages, and ages), as he champions those causes that he himself, fights against likeAndy Kaufman playing Mighty Mouse!
What blind hubris!
What abysmal lack of awareness!
See the dumbfounding display of mind-numbing cognitive dissonance!
Will the old Maverick defeat the new Maverick or just chase at windmills, my friends? ...
Can the new Maverick run an honorable campaign or will he fall victim to his own reptilian nature, my friends?
Will witty comebacks, fear tactics, and a ground game of:
"That's what you are, but what am I?" endear him to the prized low-informed voter?
Can he and the rest of his Republican down ticket psychologically project their way, in Lewis Carol fashion, out of the flailing Reaganomic policies and suspend the elections before the world goes into a complete financial meltdown and they loose all hope of a permanent Republican majority... forever?!
Watch while Conservative supporters jump ship all along the campaign trail! Bear witness as John Mc
BushCain tragically descends into incoherent dementia while he wanders the live debate stage in search of Mr. Puddles!
Feel the SUSPENSE!
Experience the DRAMA!
Witness the MINDLESS BUFFOONERY!
Gaze in shock and awe as the loosely vetted, mini-skirted moose-hunting governor from Alaska, Sarah 'Pitbull' Palin, in her pre-conditioned , stategerized campaign to nowhere, aims her sights on the highest office in the land armed with nothing (... seriously.... nothing,) but lipstick and a wink!
Can her fashion binge of $150,000 Neiman-Marcus-gate makeover humbly surge her way into the hearts and minds of real pro-America hockey moms struggling to put food on their family?
Will Sarah the baracuda be haunted by Troopergate thus bringing an end to her ideological power grab which indifferently forces handmaidens to give birth, rape victims to pay for their own rape kits, and imposes the fear of God into every woman's womb?
Will she realize her life long dream to hunt wolves from a helicopter or does the puck stop here?
Oogle the Celebrity Spectacle!
Choke on the Truthiness!
Cling to the Spine Chilling Cliff-hangers!
How will the rising multi-cultural Obama, son of a goat herder from Africa who beat the odds against Bad Bad Leroy Brown in Chicago, convince the sheeple of America that reason, logic and facts still have merit? Will his political jujitsu and Socratic logicprove once and for all, that the truth really is self evident, and merely requires an audience to sway the world?
Does this simple constitutional scholar and former community organizer rise to the occasion and make history as the first non-white multi-cultural President of the United States of America?
Is Oprah a goddess come to earth as herald for tha' one?
.... or does he fail in his Audacity of Hope?
Join in the Circle of Life and answer the question on every human's mind: "Who is Barack Obama??"
Will his earth shakin' "I'm-all-right"gopher dance moves on Ellen shatter expectations at the polls, restore honor to a shamed nation, and bring on spontaneous outbursts from billions of people the world overshouting "O-BA-MA! O-BA-MA!"??
Can his running mate, Senator Joe Biden, make his connection train from Scranton, Pennsylvania on time to communicate his message of hope to America with clarity, ladies and gentlemen, with either or both feet firmly planted in his pie hole?
How do Obama's Democratic Primary adversary, Hillary Clinton and her husband, former President Bill Clinton, come to terms with her NOT being the Democratic party nominee and instead campaign with vigor and enthusiasm to elect Barack Obama without clawing out their own eyes?
Can still president George W.
son of a Bush escape his eight year term unscathed after gutting the constitution and unilaterally authoring the greatest strategic international disaster in the history of America?
Marvel at the Crony-ism!
Cringe at the Corruption!
See why Angels weep at Mankind fallen so low!
You will stand in utter amazement as Republican candidates, up and down the ticket, run away in abject terror from appearing on the same stage as Bush 43!
Never before have so many run so hard and so fast from their own party and remained unaccountable for the massive double-speak that has brought this nation the curse of instituted torture, which echoes in the screams of those poor souls who suffered in Abu Ghrab!
You will stand frozen in wide eyed FEAR as the ghosts of Gitmo past and victims of extraordinary rendition return from the grave to haunt the halls of justice crying for vengeance!
Will the State of Denial provide enough votes for Conservatives to hold onto the White House?
....or will reality hold on to its liberal bias?
You won't believe your eyes as baldy-headed financial analysts gamble with America's Federal Reserves in the most intense economic crash since the Great Depression! See experts stutter and stall as they try to salvage American's 401k's in the 21st Century while citizens loose their homes, jobs, and life savings to a global Wall Street market drunk on inflated Credit Default Swaps gone mad!
Will we continue to play Craps with our elders' retirement income, the future of our children, and the very fabric of environmental sustainability without consequence?
Will Health Care for All be a dream come true or will the industry of Medicine continue to be just another way to make a buck on the sickness and suffering of others as we desperately cling to our echinacea tea for comfort?!
See Global Climate Change run rampantly unchecked like a ticking time bomb with nothing but flood, famine, and death awaiting millions of species while we sputter in our anemic attempt to squeeze better gas mileage from a beastly Hummer!
Can the carefully crafted Republican protests of "Voter Fraud!"create enough confusion to hide their switching of voters' party affiliations as they set the stage to steal another election using Diebold voting machines with deceptively placed voting buttons for touch screen voters?
You will shake your head in exasperated disbelief as Republicans throw everything at Democrats this year including the kitchen sink, the bathroom sink, the plumbing under the sink, and even the plumber! It's no holes barred non-stop action fun in this Presidential cage-match fight to the finish where everything gets left on the road!
Will the vile, wicked and sinister robo-call spin wars spell the end of humankind as we know it?
Does Bill the bartender, Nancy the nurse, or Joe the plumber even know what the hell they are talking about? Will they reveal themselves to be plants or are they inflamed Kool-aide drinking Right Wingnut tortured souls full of hatred and prejudice?
Can the democrats defend themselves from the thoughtless, shameless and cold-hearted Rovian attacks against Obama's own grandmother??
Will Obama defend yo mama?
You will not believe your eyes!
You won't believe your ears!
You won't believe Obama's ears!
Can anyone survive this apocalyptic catastrophuck?
Only time will tell...
One thing is for sure...
BE VERY AFRAID!
After this special I'm-rubber-you're-glue All-Star studded presidential election episode, you will be Liberalized forrr... LIFE!!