While we're all waiting, breathless, for the first exit polls tomorrow...
Republican office holders in general, and conservative political pundits in particular -- hatemongering enablers Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, plus others -- find themselves now staring into the maw of what could come perilously close to a 400-vote Electoral College landslide for Barack Obama. Think of it -- the end of the conservative stranglehold on American politics. Ahh, freedom! For added insult to wingnuts everywhere, any further talk of a permanent Republican majority has been replaced by the vision of a 60-seat, filibuster-proof Senate and overwhelming Democrat majority in the House.
On this day before the 2008 elections, the political wilderness is looking cold, harsh, and vast for conservatives; how long they stay there is highly dependent on their attitude.
I will note their thirst, and perhaps even calculate how many canteens they need, but I will neither recalibrate their compass nor point out the location of the spring. – Desert Dan Malloy, GOP Wilderness Project Director in a moment of rare lucidity.
More after the break...
Before they can return to favor, according to Desert Dan, conservatives are well advised to reflect on how they got to Mojave Central. After all, if they don’t understand the source of the problem, they’ll never reach a viable solution.
And lest they forget, Desert Dan reminds us that in the interim, we Progressives will be doing all we can to make sure their wilderness experience is a long and painful one while they search their souls for truth and enlightenment.
Desert Dan submits there were four key issues that gave Republicans a running start out into the wilderness: The Palin nomination, how the candidates handled the financial crisis, the debates, and the GOP smear campaign. There were other factors, for sure, but these were, at least for Desert Dan, the biggies.
The Wilderness Project began on Day One -- August 30, 2008 -- with McCain making his first presidential decision – the selection of Sarah Palin as his vice presidential running mate. This woefully un-vetted woman’s first words to the American people contained the bald-faced, series-of-tubes-searchable lie that she helped stop the Bridge to Nowhere in Alaska. After Day One, days two through today have all gone pretty much downhill for Palin’s suitability as vice president, particularly in light of her now famous utterance about her foreign policy experience – "I can see Russian from my house." I know, I know, those were actually Tina Fey’s words, but they’re close enough, and it's what most people think she said. The point is, in one fell swoop the "experience" argument against Obama was nullified. Except, that is, for the HanLimBO crowd (Hannity, Limbaugh, Bill-O) who couldn’t get enough of Sarah Palin’s star quality, interpreted by most everyone else with a functioning cerebrum, however, as glaring vacuity.
And then the financial crisis hit just days before the first presidential debate. Political independents and undecided voters started looking for leadership.
I saw fer myself who was up to the job, and who needed to take the short bus to crisis management school! -- Desert Dan Malloy, upon his return from his most recent location-scouting trek for the GOP Wilderness Project
John McCain, in what had to be the most publicly transparent stunt in American political history, suspended his campaign to storm Washington in hopes of successfully intervening with delicate financial talks, followed by a puzzling notion that the debate be postponed. But McCain clearly interfered, rather than intervened, and his presence served only to muck up the works.
This event, like no other in my memory, highlighted Barack Obama’s leadership, and by contrast John McCain’s lack thereof. America and the world witnessed up close and personal that contrast in crisis management. But there was the HanLimBO crowd again, trying to make the case that, despite all objective evidence to the contrary (our own eyes and ears, for example), this was McCain’s finest hour!
And then Obama shined in the 1st presidential debate, demonstrating his knowledge of foreign policy, calm, and presidential leadership skills. Instant polling of independents and undecideds immediately called it for Obama, and by a large margin. That took a lot of wind out the sails of the flag vessel of the GOP, the U.S.S. Spinner, and dimmed but did not eliminate the message of HanLimBO. By the end of the 3rd presidential debate, however, McCain was in trouble, and even HanLimBO knew it.
So, did McCain-Palin alter their message to meet changing circumstances? "Hell, no! says Desert Dan. With HanLimBO talking points firmly in hand, they launched the Ayers-Muslim-Terrorist-Obama as Socialist campaign, with 24/7 Faux News/Drudge/HanLimBO video and punditry! But as the polls showed day in and day out, the HanLimBO message was somehow not penetrating into the mindset of the middle class. We had other issues on our minds. But change course? Not the U.S.S. Spinner under the command of John McCain and Rolex watch commander Palin.
So, just given these four issues, it almost seemed as if HanLimBO adherents the nation over would rather lose the presidency and any hopes of effective congressional influence than admit their several divisive and incoherent messages to the American people have been, and remain seriously flawed.
The "socialist" tag went nowhere. Every time some yahoo said that, I pictured a Wall Street CEO and his personal lobbyist gettin' a tax break so I'd have to transfer my wealth to those sidewinders. – Desert Dan Malloy, after reviewing his 401-K retirement plan.
After November 4th, in order to help facilitate the GOP Wilderness Project, Desert Dan promises to contribute a supply of fresh batteries for HanLimBO megaphones, and they can keep following their faulty compass for as long as they want. Even if we don’t reach 60 Senate seats (I say we do), an issue-dependent vote would probably pick up enough Republicans to pass, further infuriating the wingnuts.
While they’re out there in the wilderness, Republicans and the HanLimBO crowd need to first agree amongst themselves as to their future course. That could take a long, long time, if ever. Therefore, before they are permitted a wilderness exit visa, Desert Dan says conservatives must answer several questions to assess whether or not they’ve learned anything:
Was Sarah Palin qualified to be vice president? Answering "yes" will result in a stamp on that exit visa – Denied!
True or False: Dinosaurs and people walked the earth at the same time.
A vacant stare that hints of weaseling about evolution as merely a theory is as good as a yes. Back you go, bub-bye.
Is Barack Obama 1) a terrorist sympathizer? 2) a committed Marxist? and/or 3) A Socialist?
Acceptable answers: No, no, and no. Any um-ing and ah-ing is the same as a yes, and they have to return to the wilderness.
True or False: Joe the Plumber, and 99% of all plumbers, will do better under Obama’s plan than McCain’s:
Go ahead, Sean Hannity, circle False and return to Mojave Central.
True or False: I will work tirelessly to obstruct each and every Democratic proposal, so they can’t claim success in dealing with 8 years of George Bush failed policies.
If they answer no, they have a chance of returning to the fold, assuming correct answers to the other questions.
and finally:
True or False: Election procedures in this country suck. We need a National Voting Procedures Act, with minimum standards down to the county level in each state.
Republicans will do everything in their power to prevent that, but the answer does separates the Forever-in-the-Wilderness folks from those who might wish to adjust their attitude on what makes this country a democracy.
It’s Desert Dan's guess that Republicans will not have any meaningful political, let alone moral epiphanies after the election. What will they be doing? It’s practically a given the HanRushBO crowd will bitch and whine and moan from now on.
But here’s the good part: We don’t have to listen! They’re so far out in the wilderness, their voices are muted now. The best ground game in political history, combined with a Progressive blog effort of unimaginable power and effectiveness have assured conservative humiliation for years to come.
What are your favorite quotes that can be used to compare current neocon thinking with what could be a long wilderness experiece?
As for Desert Dan, he'll be keeping track of what conservatives are saying and doing, and with your help will provide updates now and again as to their wilderness status.
And finally:
President Obama, I hope you won’t settle for good. Be great. – Desert Dan Malloy on Monday, November 3, after careful review of Dkos polling diaries on the 2008 election.
I couldn’t have said that better myself.
P.S. I waited in line for six hours to board a plane to Vietnam in 1969. I predict that waiting in line here in Los Angeles to vote for Obama and against Prop 8 will be a far more pleasant experience.
UPDATE: Desert Dan just e-mailed me his election predictions: 57.5% Obama - 401 EV - 275 House Dems - 61 Senate Dems. He seems to think this blowout will be HUGE. And he really wants that Mac laptop from Kos, so he figures he has to be a real outlier.