I received a copy of this from Larry Johnson's hairdresser's niece, so you can pretty much bet the farm it's true.
*****DO NOT DISTRIBUTE*****HIGHLY SENSITIVE*****DO NOT DISTRIBUTE*****
TO: Michael_Moore@Michaelmoore.com, Salinsky@commie.com, ayersdorhn@aol.com, osama@osama.org, Joe_Biden@senate.gov, C_Powell@state.gov, hillary@hillaryhillaryhillary.com, kos@dailykos.com, keith@countdown.com, barbara@streisand.gov, rahme@powermetrosexuals.org, krugman@nytimes.com, th@hilfiger.com, ben@benandjerrys.com
FROM: the_one@barackobama.com
RE: 100 Days Agenda
Comrades:
With victory upon us, it is time to prepare to put our glorious agenda, which has been decades in planning, into motion.
As my future cabinet, please begin executing these plans immediately. If you encounter any resistance, please document and forward to me, so I can update the enemies list.
(1) Begin seizing the firstborn male children of the wealthiest 5% of Americans.
I have run the numbers on the back of an envelope and I believe we can fit them all in Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego, arranging for air drops of diapers, bananas and such. Naturally, we will want to have these potential future seditionists tattooed, or bar coded.
Colin and Osama, this is your baby. Do me proud.
(2) All single family residences over 2500 square feet in livable space are to be immediately seized and deeded over to the laziest, filthiest homeless people we can find.
[NOTE: Rush Limbaugh's home is to be reserved as a sanctuary for prison escapees.]
Krugman, Alinsky, make it happen.
(3) I want to see some Soviet-style lines out there.
I'm talking three, even four-hour queues for things like toilet paper, and dental work. Heart transplants are a three day wait. You can do it in one day, but your heart surgery will be performed by a podiatrist instead of a cardiologist (just spitballing there...you get the point).
Hillary, Moore, you guys are on it.
(4) We're going to need some uniforms.
As you know, I am a big fan of the knee-high patent leather boot, and the armband. Also, and this is very important, I need one for me that's just a little different, and which includes a riding crop. The riding crop should be light enough that it makes an audible whistling sound when I wave it about in the air, but not so light that it doesn't send Stratego pieces flying everywhere when I bring it down on the game board.
Tommy, work your magic.
(5) Gonna need a Stratego board.
Colin, your "R."
(6) New national anthem, preferably in Spanish.
Babs, I believe you're tight with Gloria Estefan? Please get started. Lyrics should mention Michelle in some way, shape or form, as I promised her on our most recent anniversary.
(7) Throw open those borders.
Biden, you can take this one since I haven't given you anything cool to do yet.
(8) Rahm: Need you to "take care" of Joe The Plumber.
By which, of course, I mean for you to appoint him to Chief Minister of Mediocrity. Make sure he knows we're counting on him to show New World Americans how to do underwhelming work for underwhelming results, while waiting for the government to fix all their problems. He can keep his usual 10-3 hours.
Oh, also, we'll want him castrated.
(9) No more fucking ice cream.
Got it, Ben? I'm not fucking around here. I see a kid walking around with a cone of double-chocolate, you're gonna get a face full of rocky road, you hear? That's right.
Well, that takes care of most of it, I think. I want to thank you all for helping me get this far, and for advancing our Nazo-Marxist-socialist-communist-Narzee-terrorist-Nazi agenda.
Please forward this to everyone you know.