Eight years ago, America gave us, the nation's comedians, the greatest gift in comedic history. We had eight glorious years of George W. Bush jokes. Now, it is 2008 and, thanks to that pesky constitution, he can't be the butt of our jokes any more or we'll sound like we're past it.
That's why I have to plead with you... for the sake of comedy... for the sake of hard-working American humorists, please elect John McCain and Sarah Palin!
Look at this guy! I mean just look at him!
That is pure comedy gold! Look what you will be taking away from us! What crazy old man will we be able to make fun of now? Wilford Brimley? Is that what you want, America?
And how about Sarah Palin? Oh, sure. I know, Biden makes the occasional slipup, but Palin is the gift that keeps on giving! We thought we had it made with Bush, but we had no idea the jewel of comedy Sarah Palin would be.
Obama? What's funny about him? He's smart, he's honest, he's level-headed, thoughtful, friendly... What do you expect us to make fun of, his ears?!
Sure sure, he's great and he will heal the country and McCain would destroy the already dying economy, put us into more wars and give us even bigger environmental problems, but think of the Daily Show! THINK OF THE DAILY SHOW! All we will have left to fall back on is mocking Canada and France. Is that what you want, America?
You need to know the lives you will be affecting...
This poor woman's name is Tina. Before Sarah Palin, she looked like this:
Now, she looks like this:
And all because of comedy.
So when voting today, please, think of the comedians... because a mind is a terrible thing to not waste.