When it comes to gay rights, Obama's victory is fraught with irony.
No, I'm not a gay American, and I'm not a black American, so maybe you think I've got no right to say any of this, but I believe in justice, for everyone, and my joy of an Obama victory is tempered with the realization that the massive black turnout in California was what put proposition 8 over the top.
Many, many black churches, particularly in Urban L.A. County, pushed vigorously for prop. 8. I heard a black preacher on NPR this morning saying he saw 'no relationship' between ethnic civil rights and gay rights. The bible is the rule book for him (regardless of separation of church and state), and the Bible says...
The human ability to compartmentalize and to rationalize astounds me. I am incredulous that a black man in his 50's could see no comparisons between these two struggles for people who merely want to be treated equally, with respect, under our laws.
Then again, I've also royally pissed off some of my gay friends by suggesting compromise. Marriage is such a loaded word, I say to them, so resonant of the Bible etc. Couldn't y'all just go for civil unions with exactly the same protections under the law as marriage? Yeah, I know that might feel slightly second class - but what is more important to you, truly? Is it the symbolism of that word, or is it the right to make informed consent decisions for your partner as they're dying in a hospital? To adopt children? To inherit an estate? To share medical benefits? Keep your eyes on the prize, I plead, you can achieve this first, and then perhaps later...
No, no one wants to compromise. Everyone wants what they want - and how can I say they're wrong? How would I feel if I couldn't lawfully marry my partner? Why on earth should a bunch of Christians (or Jews, Hindus, Muslims, whatever) be allowed to constrain my rights because of something written in their book - a book I don't believe in? Their temerity, their absolute arrogance, is breathtaking.
Yes! You are right! I get it. But perhaps it will take time, just as it did for black America to attain this amazing dream, for gay people to attain theirs.
Yes, I want all people to be judged by the content of their character, not the color of their skin, or their gender, or their sexual orientation, or religion, or weight, or age. Someday, it'll happen, but it's a long road, and we are almost all culpable on some hidden level, no matter how evolved we want to beleive we are. After all, when I took my young children to a gay pride parade over 10 years ago, I heard some gay men snicker and deride me as a 'breeder'. When my sister dated a black guy, my father, who had always supported civil rights, came up with some rationalizations about 'race complicating relationships'. Funny, he'd never said a thing about my Chinese girlfriend. There is no monopoly on discrimination. It abounds, unfortunately. And it sneaks out in the oddest places, sometimes without our conscious knowledge, and certainly not with our consent.
It's obvious that American is getting 'browner'. I live in upstate NY, and I go hunting with a lot of rednecks. Many of them have black and latino brothers and sisters in-law. Their world is changing. But for them, gay is the last frontier. It is an even longer bridge to cross for them. I don't know why this is. I don't know why homophobia seems to be more stubborn even than racism or sexism. But it is, and it will take time, patience, and a willingness to tone down our language, to walk softly, but firmly, into the future.
I was overjoyed to hear Barack Obama mention gays in his acceptance speech. It takes some of the sting out of the victory of homophobic, discriminatory legislation around the country on election day. But we need to do more. We need to find a way to foster empathy. We need to find a way for a straight black minister in his 50's to see that the gay man down the block, his lesbian cousin, all of them, are perfect just as they are. They were made this way - whether by a creator, or by nature, and there is nothing to fix, or to change. They need only to be loved, and accepted, completely, unconditionally, into the family of humankind.