As you know, Mormons have a practice of converting dead people from other religions into Mormons through a practice known as posthumous baptism. Ordinarily, this might just seem a silly act of disrespect towards the individual's personal beliefs and convictions.
However, the Mormons have made an overt effort to posthumously baptize Jewish Holocaust victims. That is not merely silly and disrespectful, that is superfluously offensive. An agreement between Jews and Mormons limited the practice thirteen years ago. But the Mormons returned to the practice recently.
Well, then of course, many of us rightly took offense for the heavy Mormon influence during the Prop 8 vote in California. Well, I decided to kill two birds with one stone. I am converting dead Mormons into homosexuals.
My first Conversion is Joseph Smith.
Dear God of the Homos,
With your great and everlasting love that blessed the covenants of Achilles and Petroclus, Gilgamesh and Enkidu, and of Jonathon and David, bless then the soul of Joseph Smith of Sharon, Vermont with your divine penis. Let it pierce the anus of his soul, and let you be forever joined to him, since on this oppressive earth, he was denied the pleasure of the male sex.
Forever and ever, our brother Joseph Smith has now joined our family (We Sing the Hymn to Praise God of the Homos!).
Blessed be God of the Homos,
Update Woot! I made the rec list! Thanks to everyone who rec'ed this diary.
Update Part Two: Wow, I am extremely flattered with all the rec sent my way! That's awesome. I originally wrote a version of this at a couple of message boards I frequent where this topic came up before I joined over here. I greatly appreciate the tips and rec.
Update Part Three: I am overwhelmed at the response to this diary. I am appreciative of those who saw my humor and got my point (which seems to be most of you). I apologize to those who took offense. Humor is inevitably offensive, and never universally humorous.
Tomorrow I will publish a diary called The Genesis of Homophobia, which is my take on the whole "God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve!" bit. It lacks the humor of this entry, so I know I won't get the same response, but I hope to get your attention tomorrow as well.
Thanks for reading.