Happy Birthday, Governor Blagojevich!
Hey Rod! How are you doing today? It's been awhile. I hear things aren't looking too good for you right now, but cheer up - it's your 52nd birthday today! Remember all the fun times we had together? I do...
Ah, I know we don't go back as far as some of your buddies, I didn't really know you until you ran for Governor. I know you're still bitter that I supported Roland Burris in the primary, because you frankly seemed like an idiot, but that's all in the past right? I'm sure you don't hold grudges. You waved at me at that parade, and I voted for you in the general election and that's all that matters right?
Ah, remember how things seemed so promising. How we had a corrupt Republican governor who was going to be convicted and sent away to prison. The scandals, how could everything be so dirty? But you sir, you promised to "end business as usual". I proudly put that magnet on my refrigerator even if I did not agree with you on everything. You won! Maybe it was because the Republicans were so pathetic, but you beat Jim Ryan!
Ah, back to the days of the incoming Governor. Everything changed! You hired all of those friends and cronies, no matter how unqualified they may have been, they were definitely not George Ryan's people - and that was good... right? We laughed, because this is Illinois politics. Oh, and that whole spending most of your time away from the capital - brilliant idea!
Ah, that was nothing you say. It's true! You supported some good progressive legislation, and were so unwilling to compromise on anything it made President Bush proud. You found a way to pay for all of your promises though, right? Who cares if you blocked taxes to support schools and transportation - people hate taxes right? - you always found a way and mortgaged our future to keep things running. All the signs of a great governor!
Ah, the memories. Remember when you had to run for re-election, and you weren't very well liked back then? Isn't it great that you never had to debate anybody in the primaries, and had a quick and easy ride past Judy Baar Topinka because the Illinois Republican party is so pathetic? Re-election! Things can only go uphill from here right? Yeah!
Ah, ha - and the election promises! You were everywhere, creating healthcare plans, giving href=" million in state funds to rebuild a church (we'll forget that you sent the money to the "wrong" place, that was an honest mistake right?). Oh and I had almost forgotten about the whole Flu Vaccine shortage. That was a beautiful move ordering all that vaccine from overseas. It only cost $3 million, and well, I know the FDA was playing games... what happened to that? I'm sure you at least got the money back... Oh yeah, and that Daily Show appearance. You were so silly pretending that you didn't know it was a comedy show. I just had to laugh that off, wonderful!
Ah, I hear your approval ratings may have fallen a little bit lately... It's OK Rod. I'm sure you'll bounce back. It's hard to compete with TV time when there's a popular Senator from your state running for President. Now that we have President-Elect Obama I'm sure that will bring the state of Illinois to the front of the class, and you'll have the pulpit you need to rebuild the reputation and keep with the reforms our state so desperately needs. You'll make headlines!
So, finally Rod, don't be sad on your birthday. Just remember all the good things I mentioned, and forget about all the bad things that I may have forgotten. I'm sure I missed a few, but we're talking about the good - not the bad! Keep your head up Rod, keep fighting. Hey - I even got a birthday present for you... and it's golden... but I may not be able to just give it away for nothing.
Love, az