I have recognized a trend. In the last few years, when someone does not spew "faggot" or say outwardly that they believe I am going to hell because I am gay, people will argue, "Well, this person is not a homophobe."
Rich Warren is just one example of this trend. I call them the Polite Homophobes. Like polite racism, this kind of homophobia hides behind the veneer of civility as a means of defeating efforts to end the oppression.
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As I said, Warren is only example. Mike Huckabee is another. They are very polite. It does not change the fact that what they are saying is completely evil. At it's core is that age old American sin of inequality under the law. They can't put lip stick on the pig.
I have seen some great people get caught up in the act. When Huckabee was on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, I yelled at the TV when Stewart said that he did not believe Huckabee was a homophobe for the things he was arguing regarding sexual orientation and civil marriage.
My first thought was- what is the definition of a homophobe? Is it dependent on how civil someone is? That's what I felt was the difference. Huckabee was polite. His voice never raised. That does not change the fact he is still a bigot.
I have seen this far and wide as the new preferred approach in the bigotry of the Christian right. They are polite about it, and thus, they are not bigots. They don't say bash our heads in, so that means they are not discriminating.
In fact, they go further. They argue that since we are impolite in our response to their bigoted politeness, that means we are the bigots and hate filled. In other words, that justified outrage is not the proper response to bigotry. More civility is.
You not only get to take away my equality, but you can also require that I smile while you screw me.
I understand why they do this. It's easier to manipulate people if you do not appear to them as the monster that you are. Sadly, form does trump substance.
This is why I am disappointed on Obama's decision. He should know better. The form of Warren's arguments should not trump the substance of what he is saying. That's just polite bigotry. Similar (although different in some ways) to that which I have experienced as an African American.
"You are polite and sweet about it, you never say the "n word" but you treat me like one anyhow" is how my great grandmother would describe it.
I've been on job interviews like that. It's called "showing up black."
On the phone my resume was perfect, my voice "white enough", but in person when the color entered the mix- that great resume turns into a dud. Suddenly, great grades are not so great. The experience is not quite enough. They are extremely polite about it. They would never call me "nigger." They thought of me as one, and showed me to the door. The inequality was there. But, if I showed my proper outrage, then that was me showing hatred.
It changes nothing but making the bigot feel good about his bigotry and allows the naive to conclude that the bigotry is less likely to exist because it's not accompanied with music cuing the entrance of the villain into the story.
Similarly, "I am not a bigot because I say evil things politely" to me is the same as Nero fiddling while Rome burns. The music may sound pretty, but there is a lot of ugly underneath when you look at it in context.
Look at what Warren does in context. Look at what Huckabee does in context. What's the difference? None. To a gay person, this is like accepting Jefferson Davis or Wallace to the party.
What's the difference? They are both impolite. Therefore wrong. Warren and Huckabee are polite. Form over substance.
They are not Phelp's clan of bigots, but then I prefer the Phelps clan.
Again taking from my great grandmother- "I would rather you call me that name to my face than behind my back because then you leave no doubt."
Civility has its place. But in taking away my right they perform the ultimate form of incivility. Don't expect me to be fooled by the smile, polite words or calm demeanor.
I am left with a question. How many of these sorts of homophobes are out there amongst the progressives on this site? How many o fyou are fooled by them? It's an incendiary question, but it's also one meant to push for honesty.