A few weeks ago the word came down that a dear friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer. At first they thought it was pancreatic cancer, then sarcoma--but it had metastisized.
She had always been a golden girl--her hair had streaks of gold in it, she dressed beautifully, she was gorgeous. She loved wine, coffee and always laughed easily and talked really fast! She and I became friends our first year at what then was the College. We were both new faculty, both working on our Ph.D.s and teaching full time. Neither of us was married and we had no family nearby. We became fast friends. That was twenty-five years ago.
Despite not having any money, we both managed to have a blast. We went on road trips, we shopped like crazy, we drank great wine. She rarely stayed in the same apartment for very long--she was always moving. I bought a house my second year here and here I still stay. One of many wonderful memories was of the weekend we spent in New York City. we flew in to help a friend of mine celebrate his 40th birthday. We shopped at Bloomies, we had our nails done. We got all dolled up and went to Sammy's Romanian Steakhouse in the Village. When you get there, they have 2 seatings--we came for the second seating. The restaurant was in the basement of an old building. It wasn't much to look at. It was a Jewish Restaurant. The waiter came over an plunked a block of ice with a bottle of vodka frozen in it on the table with 4 shot glasses. There was an old fashioned seltzer bottle on the table as well. The waiter grabbed our menus and announced "I'll take care of you!" The food never stopped--chopped liver, latkes, blinzes.....unbelievable food! At the end of the meal they brought chocolate syrup to make egg cremes (no eggs or creme but--they are so yummy, who cares). They had a guy singing--so of course we did Hava Nagila. Then there was a bit of a flurry when a young woman arrived--she had made her debut at the Met that evening. Our companions had seen her earlier. She joined in the singing...we laughed, I spritzed Haley with the seltzer, we finished the vodka....what an evening!
She left for a semester to try a job at a big league school and to be near her current love--that lasted one semester--she was back after back surgery. I don't know how she packed her car and moved everything before and after major back surgery, but she did! She began dating a man she had lived with and broken up with. Our friendship began to fade after she married a man who I had doubts about. We would get together occasionally and were always pleased to see one another. She moved into Administration, so I didn't see her as much--she was extremely successful. She divorced and remarried recently. Then I heard about the cancer. Eight members of her immediate family had died of cancer.
Our Staff held a "Festival of Trees" to raise money for their scholarship fund a couple of weeks ago. They asked University and community members to contribute decorated trees. It hit me--my friend LOVED Teddy Bears as do I. I decided to do a tree in her honor. Friends thought it was a great idea and they contributed bears and ribbons and money to help me. One of them and I decorated the tree. We placed construction paper (what else would you use for someone who began her career as an elementary school teacher?) tags with words that represented our prayers for her--"health", "friends", "puppy kisses", "shopping" and so on, on the tree. Community members bought tickets and placed them in a can in front of the tree they wanted to win.
Our Vice President of Student Affairs heard about the tree and decided he wanted to win it--he stuffed the can full of tickets--hundred dollar bills were thrown about.....on Saturday evening, they drew the winning tickets--he had won the tree. This darling, wonderful man took the tree to my friend. She was able to enjoy her tree! Although I didn't get to speak to her, I hope she knew how much I have always loved her. My friend died last night. She was in her mid-fifties--way too young, way too vibrant. Please, in her honor--call someone you have been meaning to have a cup of coffee with--go do it. I'll never have that chance to have that glass of wine or to tell her I loved her.