My head hurts with thinking about all of this pain and suffering, the anger and the hurt and the families that are being torn apart by the economy, bigotry and war. Not just in this Country, but all over the world, I'm thinking about all the heartache that exists.
I faced a neighbor today that had a "Yes on 8" sign in their yard. They are Mormons and they did a great deal to help Prop 8 pass. But did I shun them? No. I gave them homemade Hot Chocolate mix just as I did with our other neighbors. What is wrong with me? I can't hate these people. I try to be angry but I can't work myself up to it.
Do I think they are wrong? Of course, I think they are wrong in their beliefs and their actions in trying to take away the rights of an entire group of people but how is being uncivil and unkind going to change her mind?
Sometimes I feel like I live in my own world of kindergarten thinking. I understand that people will do things that are evil and that are wrong and I've had circumstances myself where others said they wouldn't have held back as I did, so then what is my problem?
I've wondered if it's some kind of pathological issue on my part. The biggest lesson I've learned recently when coming to terms with my illness is that I would never discount anyone's anger or feelings again. I've lived with a lot of crap over the last few months because of missing work and not feeling well and I hear a lot of, "Well, just be more positive!", or you know, the other flippant things that seem to be more off putting than helpful. I have no desire to discuss how I really feel with many people that I think of as friends because I can't stand the bottled answers and pleasantry. I just want to be heard.
I think that is the case with a lot of people who are hurt or angry. They want to be heard and they want to be taken seriously. At no point can any serious discussion of an issue start with, "You have no right to be angry or hurt". It just starts the decline of the tenor from the start. It can't really go into anything else if we can't at least recognize our right to be angry or to be upset about something.
I've pledged to never again do this to anyone. As I sit here and type feeling rather lonely and aching all over, I promised myself that I would always hear the hurt and the anger regardless of the source. It's that important that we recognize each other as the thinking, feeling beings that we are and no middle ground can be found without acknowledging the importance of such feelings.
So please, I beg that we stop with the diaries and the comments that tell people they have no right to be angry over Warren, or torture or the housing mess. I even include those self righteous people who preach about never having bought a home before and how they have no sympathy for those of us who bought and now find themselves in a bind. Fine, be angry, be bitter, it's no skin off of my nose. You are just entitled to your anger as anyone else.
I just ask that we be respectful with our anger and channel it in such a way that it does more good than harm. Sometimes coming to Daily Kos is like entering a china shop filled with angry bulls and many of us just get out of the way. Is the anger justified? YES! But be careful, not everyone is as hearty as you and I do believe having more people in the conversation is better than having less.
Maybe if we could all recognize this right we can move beyond just anger. Or maybe we're not ready yet, we've been angry and upset for a long time now, watching our Country turn into something we don't recognize, or at least I don't. There is so much to be angry about and so much to be upset about, it's as if we're all on anger overload, that we have this capacity to hurt as much as we do can leave us drained and traumatized.
Be gentle kind reader with your fellow human beings, even if you vehemently disagree with someone, you still share a basic and fundamental truth, that we are all human and capable of being wrong, flawed and strangely stubborn. There is a truth in the concept of hating the sin and not the sinner, it can go in all different directions, such as those who sin in their bigotry.
"The Way I See It #199," on my Starbucks coffee cup Saturday morning (a quote by Berkeley Breathed, the cartoonist and creator of "Opus"): "I'm not sure about people anymore. They're responsible for some pretty nutty stuff. Individuals I'm crazy about though."
In recovery language, we say "Love the person, hate the behavior" (or disease--like alcoholism). I needed that reminder last Saturday.
BeliefNet
Yes, it's that new agey, recovery bullshit but it works because there is truth to it. How can we ever move beyond our differences if we hate the PERSON and not the thinking or the behavior?