(INT. WHITE HOUSE FAMILY QUARTERS)
(PLAY ON: "Hail to the Chief")
(The door opens and the Obamas enter: Barack first
dressed in black tie, followed by Michele and the two
kids, Sasha and Malia, dressed in their Sunday finest.
Barack immediately heads for the couch and plops down.
Michele takes their coats and hangs them in the closet
near the door. The kids rush over to the TV and snap it
(on. They sit on the floor to watch the replay.)
Whew! What a day. I don't think I've
been this bushed since I integrated Chicago.
(Mixing drinks at the small bar-on-wheels)
Honey, you looked so presidential taking the
(Studies himself on the TV)
You don't think the stovepipe hat was
It was the perfect touch. (Pause)
Although I'm glad we talked you out of the
(Crawls onto the couch with him)
Daddy, we were all so proud!
I know. I got your text message between
"Do you solemnly swear" and "So help me
Continued below the fold...
(Hands Barack a scotch & soda) I thought I'd die
when Hillary tried to mount the podium
wearing that Joe Biden mask.
And Roberts almost fell for it. I caught him
just in time. (laughs) I guess Joe will have
to be sworn in later.
(Points to screen) Look, Uncle Joe is still
in the parking lot trying to get through
(SFX: Telephone rings O.S.)
Sasha, will you get that, please.
(Sasha rushes off)
(to Malia) Malia, did you ever find out
what those lumps under your mattress
The Secret Service said they were
crumpled up beer cans.
I knew we should have asked the Bush twins
to take their beds with them.
(We hear Sasha on the phone in the next room.)
Hello? (pause) Hold on, I'll get him. (yells)
It's for you, daddy.
BARACK: Ask who it is.
Who's calling? (Pause) (yells) Sarah Palin.
(Aside to Barack) I thought we were rid of
her. What on earth could she want?
Probably an appointment as Ambassador to
Russia since she wouldn't have to leave home.
(to Sasha) Find out what she wants.
What do you want? (Pause) She wants to know
if Cheney left any of his shotguns lying around.
(Aside to Barack) Probably another wedding
in the family.
Tell her no, but ask her if she'd be interested
in a used defibrillator.
No on the shotgun, but do you want an old
defibrallator? (Pause) She says "What's a
Tell her to look in her current issue of "Cardio
(Losing patience) Forget it, Sasha. Just hang up.
Sorry, I have to go now. (Sound of hanging up)
(Sasha comes back into the room.)
What did she say?
(Shimmer screen. Scene dissolves, ethereal music under)
(INT. BEDROOM. John and Cindy McCain in a
huge four-poster. John is wearing an old-fashioned
night cap and a chin strap and Cindy's hair is in
curlers. Dentures rest in a glass of water on the
night stand on John's side.)
(Shaking him awake) John! John! Wake up.
You were having a nightmare.
(Rubs his eyes) Gee, it was so real. Everything
was so clear.
Was it the Viet Cong again?
No, not this time.
The Keating Five investigating committee?
Joe the Plumber?
What was it then? What did you see?
Honey, I think we lost the election to the Cosbys!
(To be continued...)
(Excerpted from Dr. Digit "The Crusading Blogtologist," www.bereftontheleft.blogspot.com