Hey, Whatever Happened to Dan Quayle?

If you are a Republican, you have to be thinking along these lines. Your current "front runner" is fighting several campaign finance and lobbying scandals. This is particularly troubling in that he is a senator who passed a bunch of campaign finance and lobbying bills. He also suggested we continue an unpopular war for 10,000 years, bomb Iran, and make permanent a set of tax cuts he voted against in the name of straight shooting.

What next? Below the fold

So you start thinking about finding a new guy – old and white to be sure – but someone else. Their thoughts must go something like this:

Should we go with that guy who shoots squirrels and hangs out with Chuck Norris?

How ‘bout 9/11 guy? Wasn’t he doing great there for awhile, you know, before people voted and he didn’t get any votes.

Mittens? He looked good, talked good, spent good from his own pocket? Cant’ we bring him back on the scene? Maybe our voters will overlook that we’ve been mocking his religion as a cult for a couple of decades.

Grandpa Fred seemed presidential in a Leonid Brezhnev kind of way – stiff, distant, reeking of formaldehyde. Can’t we inject him with something?

Reagan! Can we run him in absentia? Hmmmm . . .

Then it occurs to you. The last of the great insiders – yes it is Dan Quayle time. He’s experienced, vetted and will be ready on day one!

So beware the Republicans – they have a deep bench and it won’t be long before they bring in the Danster to seal the deal in 2008. You heard it here first!

UPDATED: Forgot to mention our new first lady who is, according to Wikipedia, an Author of serious literary fiction:

Marilyn Quayle is the author or co-author of several books, including two works of thriller fiction written with her sister, Nancy Tucker Northcott. The novels (Embrace The Serpent and The Campaign) follow a fictional black evangelical Republican senator, the victim of a liberal-media smear campaign and an unnamed Democratic president of questionable morality. The senator clears his name, and the novels conclude with the suicide of the Democratic president.

•  Tip Jar for Dan?

  by hilage on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:36:24 PM PDT

  •  You mean James?

    J. Danforth Quayle, possibly smarter than Bush.  That could be their slogan.

    by chikindolfin on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:40:13 PM PDT

    •  No Longer Smarter Than Bush

      ... ever since David Letterman announced in his monologue soon after Quayle left office that he (Quayle) had decided to write a memoir.

      And then Letterman asked, "What's going to be on Page two?"

      by JekyllnHyde on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:43:42 PM PDT

  •  he went back to his

    pharma trust since they are immune now

    by TAPayne on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:40:28 PM PDT

  •  The Danster huh?

    I am glad you put snark on this diary's tag cause I was laughing my ass off by the end.  However, you have to wonder if they really would give this consideration.  Can you imagine having a man who cannot spell potato for president?  I'd rather not think of it.  Thanks for the laugh!

    by El barragas on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:41:41 PM PDT

    •  What makes you think Bush can spell potato? n/t

      by RobLewis on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:51:01 PM PDT

      •  I was talking about Quayle.

        But you are right, Bush may not be able to spell potato.  After all he did say, "Is our children learning?"

        by El barragas on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:53:47 PM PDT

    •  The Dan-ster...MAKING copies. LOL n/t

      by sunbro on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:57:34 PM PDT

  •  Marilyn Quayle and Lynne Cheney

    are authors of great distinction.   Lynne's lesbian fiction and Marilyn's thrillers would be great on the shelf together.   I really need to buy them.

    by kate mckinnon on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:15:24 PM PDT

    •  They need to collaborate.

      I for one would welcome our new literary overlords, and their great, new series of lesbian political thrillers.

      by khereva on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:23:36 PM PDT

      •  Ha!

        My favorite Simpsons episode EVER.

        by kate mckinnon on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:55:01 PM PDT

    •  probably available at your local dollar store.n/t

      by alizard on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:57:25 PM PDT

•  One of my favorite Dan Quayle quotes:

  "Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."

  by sunbro on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:39:41 PM PDT

  •  You gotta miss Dan

    Really - how have they overlooked him for so long?

    by hilage on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:43:55 PM PDT

    •  Yes! Young, Good-Looking, AND

      one of the signers of the PNAC letter to President Clinton regarding the "need" to invade Iraq in 1998...

      by sunbro on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:46:40 PM PDT

  •  Of course there's

    [

    What a waste it is to lose one's mind or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.

    by beagledad on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:04:58 PM PDT

    •  Quayle should know. n/t

      by sunbro on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:06:49 PM PDT

    •  Ah Danny Boy

      "He addressed the United Negro College Fund, whose slogan is "A mind is a terrible thing to waste." Quayle said "You take the United Negro College Fund model that what a waste it is to lose one's mind or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."

      by Rolfyboy6 on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:27:49 PM PDT

  •  this one's not far behind, from Bush

    It's in the interest of -- uhh -- uhh, long-term peace in the world that we -- uhh -- work for a free and secure and peaceful Iraq. A peeance, freeance secure Iraq in the midst of the Middle East will have enormous historical impact.

    Please do listen to the audio.  It's perfection.

    by Simplify on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:27:28 PM PDT

•  BOD of Cerebrus

  He has his hand on the livelihood of a helluva lot of Chrysler workers. I hear they're bringing back the Dodge Dart on his sayso.

  by dougymi on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:42:41 PM PDT

  •  Love the Dodge Dart...................

    Swinger myself.

    by duckhunter on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:47:55 PM PDT

    •  Hey

      I like slant sixes as much as the next guy.  But the steering and brakes on those Darts sucked.

      by kaleidescope on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:53:11 PM PDT

      •  had to love the pushbutton tranny on the

        earlier ones.  True genius!

        by dougymi on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:59:36 PM PDT

  •  He also sits on the board of a Japanese bank

    that was acquired by a US fund.  It might be Cerebus.

    http://www.aozorabank.co.jp/...

    When I first learned about his position as a director, I just wondered:  what on earth did he ever do that would cause someone to place him on the board?  He was a mediocre Senator and laughable VP from a semi-famous political family.  big deal.  No business background that I'm aware of.  And now he pretends to do a days work by sitting on the board and going golfing (I imagine).

    by YoyogiBear on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:08:32 PM PDT

    •  a reliable vote

      for increasing the salary / options / perks for the CEO whether the company is making or losing money.

      by alizard on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:59:06 PM PDT

•  Doesn't seem like he has to much else to do......

  According to his web-site his last speech was in 05.

  by duckhunter on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:43:51 PM PDT

•  Beavis & Butthead

  

  by Fawkes on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:43:54 PM PDT

  •  Dumb and Dumber. n/t

    by sunbro on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:52:35 PM PDT

    •  Yeah but they keep beating us!! (n/t)

      by shigeru on Tue Feb 26, 2008 at 11:40:40 AM PDT

      •  Maybe Rethug crooks

        like their puppet government to be stupid so it can be controlled better.  Look at McCain, for example....he's NOT the sharpest tool in the shed.

        by sunbro on Tue Feb 26, 2008 at 06:42:20 PM PDT

  •  You don't have one of these with Cheney & bush

    by any chance, do you?  Only Cheney needs to be wearing the shirt.  bush's head should be monkey-like.

    by YoyogiBear on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:09:33 PM PDT

•  Wasn't he the one

  who Dick Cheny shot in the face a year ago?

  by bluestatesam on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:43:59 PM PDT

  •  Nope, that was Harry Whittington.

    Who was, perhaps merely coincidentally, at the center of the funeral home scandal in Texas during W's governorship, a scandal W was caught in up to his neck.

    by khereva on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:26:15 PM PDT

•  noe thanks.

  by Big Nit Attack on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:44:34 PM PDT

•  Dad picked Dan to get us ready for W.

  Dan was a draft dodger, W was a draft dodger.

  Dan and W were both idiots.

  Two points make a conspiracy, don't they?

  by Sam Wise Gingy on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:45:27 PM PDT

  •  Heinlein's Law comes into play

    Never ascribe to conspiracy that which can be explained by stupidity

    and with those two, stupidity comes to the fore as explanation.

    by Rolfyboy6 on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:32:39 PM PDT

  •  Quayle as Tom Hagen

    I had read one place in 1988 that Bush the Elder viewed Quayle as the son he never had, which is a bit odd.

    Until you learn more about Sonny, Michael and Fredo.

    by textus on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:33:47 PM PDT

•  Dear God

  Dan Quayle was one of the stupidest fucks to ever occupy elected office in the 20th century.  Nobody liked him, everybody thought he was a shit-for-brains.  He tried to run for prez in 1996, as I recall, and completely got trounced in the primaries.

  He's the only thing worse I can think of than George W. Bush.  Jesus fuck, he was a stupid, stupid, stupid man.

  by slippytoad on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:48:03 PM PDT

  •  Yes but -

    Who else do they have? how about a 9/11 Guy and Squirrel Shooter ticket? Mittens and Grandpa Fred? The mind reels.

    by hilage on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:49:27 PM PDT

    •  I have a feeling it's going to be someone scary..

      santorum kind of scary.

      by gooners on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:51:11 PM PDT

      •  newt kind of scary? n/t

        by iheartbooks on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:59:15 PM PDT

        •  I dunno...

          I'm not sure the general public knows he has admitted to having an affair on his wife during the time he was leading the Clinton impeachment charge.

          by gooners on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:03:34 PM PDT

          •  true...

            but he's on a book tour now, I think.  I also think he has an inflated view of his own importance (he believes, perhaps, that the party will turn to him in its hour of need).

            I doubt he'll do anything, but I do think he'd get crushed if he tried.

            by iheartbooks on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:32:55 PM PDT

      •  George Allen

        He will rise from the dead like Nixon in '68.

        And we will be ready to beat him like a gong.

        by Roy Reed on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:08:14 PM PDT

      •  Santorum

        There's no way Santorum would attempt another run for office. His name has become synonymous with shit.

        by ghostlawns on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:21:44 PM PDT

  •  nah

    Quayle thought about running in 1996, and ran in 2000. He dropped out in 1999 after losing the Iowa GOP Voting Buying Contest (aka the Straw Poll).

    by RBH on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:59:55 PM PDT

  •  that is no longer a

    disqualification for the Presidency.

    by alizard on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 11:00:13 PM PDT

•  He's Tanned and Ready

  And he shoots a mean game of golf.

  But Marilyn Quayle as First Lady?  EEEESH!

  by kaleidescope on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:51:15 PM PDT

  •  Forgot about her completely - need photos!

    by hilage on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:52:15 PM PDT

    •  she looks just like a HORSE

      no kidding.........

      by JackDawkins on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:52:03 PM PDT

  •  Yes, the George Hamilton of politics n/t

    by RobLewis on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:52:40 PM PDT

  •  I can attest that he likes golf ...

    ... see my comment 'way below.

    In fact the only time he came alive when I saw him was when he was talking about links, clubs, and balls. Otherwise it was creepy watching such a calculating quote-repeating non-entity pimping all those nice, but deluded, people who were buying that book with his name and face on it.

    by MT Spaces on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 11:21:17 PM PDT

•  Dan Q hung in my bathroom for a while

  (in a few 8X10 photos).

  Dan pissed off my b-in-l mightily, coming into the hospital
  said b-in-l was heading at the time, stalling everything.

  I not only got the photo ops, I got my superduper memorial,
  official Dan Quayle tie pin, which he gave to same b-in-l,
  who knew I would treasure it always.

  And I do. LOL.

  by begone on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:51:45 PM PDT

•  Plate of shrimp.

  Weird, I haven't thought about ol' Dan for years now, and just today he popped into my mind as I was wondering whether there ever was a more irritating and incoherent public speaker than our Dear Leader.  And now . . . his name shows up on DKos!  Wow!  It's all part of a cosmic unconsciousness.

  by beagledad on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:56:04 PM PDT

  •  the more you Veep

    the less intelligent your are.

    (best movie ever!)

    by Seonachan on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:12:54 PM PDT

•  Dan Quale vs. Al Gore

  Where are they now?

  by Sam Wise Gingy on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:58:05 PM PDT

  •  An Incanvenient Truth

    Documentry. Former vice president uses PowerPoint and archival videotape footage to prove that no one ever thought about having sex out of wedlock until Murphy Brown had her baby in a network prime-time series.

    by textus on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:43:15 PM PDT

•  Lol...

  I think he went to the bathroom about 13 years ago, and is still trying to find his way back out...

  ...................

  Hey!  There's a story for the media - Missing White Astronauts!!!

  by Hardhat Democrat on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 09:58:39 PM PDT

  •  well OK....

    I guess the bread crumbs didn't work, he should be OK, someone will take pity on a lost little fool who can't find his way out of a men's room....hmmmmmmmm was that an Airport men's room????
    Perhaps someone should tell him NOT to follow the tapping foot....

    (snark)

    by Lilyvt on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:14:30 PM PDT

    •  I drew a picture of the Craig Incident once...

      Unfortunately, the AP refused to pick up my illustration for that story -

      

      :)

      by Hardhat Democrat on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:20:00 PM PDT

•  You ever see Dan and W in the same place/time?

  Just sayin'.

  by Pragmatic Left on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:00:28 PM PDT

  •  If they hadn't been born into wealthy families,

    George would be a really bad assistant mall manager and Dan would be the guy who works for him who can't figure out how to work the trash compactor.

    by beagledad on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:07:26 PM PDT

•  I'm sure he's waiting for his own cable show

  but he'll settle for living in Arizona.

  by RBH on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:00:47 PM PDT

•  I kind of felt sorry for his wife

  at the time, who came across as a decent intelligent woman who just had the misfortune to be wedded to a dunce and national laughing stock

  As crushing as Lloyd Bentsen's comment was at the one debate (and you, senator, are no Jack Kennedy), Quayle's wife's comment on it showed a great deal of dignity and spirit, I thought....

  Well, it's all ancient history now

  by TomY on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:00:49 PM PDT

  •  Marilyn was intelligent & sure did have the flip

    hairdo that wouldn't quit.

    I kind of like this later pic of her

    

    But it's too tiny here to appreciate.

    by begone on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:03:42 PM PDT

  •  What was her comment? nt

    by beagledad on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:08:45 PM PDT

    •  "pwned!"

      Okay, maybe not.

      by khereva on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:28:02 PM PDT

•  "fictional black evangelical Republican senator"

  Isn't that kind of redundant and soooo many levels?

  Nice title, though..."Embrace The Serpent"...which, btw, is code for Young Republicans who wait until their wedding night...

  by Aqualad08 on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:03:11 PM PDT

•  Great diary

  Love Freddie Thompson = Leonid Brezhnev.

  by DavidNYC on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:03:47 PM PDT

  •  Thanks n/t

    by hilage on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:05:41 PM PDT

•  Bring him on

  I'd love to vote against that motherfucker.

  by Roy Reed on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:06:52 PM PDT

•  Here's a small video compilation...

  ...of some of his famous quotes:

  Dan Quayle In His Own Words

  by Rex Manning on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:47:43 PM PDT

•  remember "competitiveness?" remember "potatoe?"

  Dan Quayle was put in charge of Bush 41's "Council on Competitiveness" to focus on abolishing regulations that hampered the freedom of American business.

  When the Gore people moved into the VP suite of offices they found pads and pads of memo paper belonging to the Vice President's "Council on Competativeness."

  Yes, they spelled it wrong on their letterhead.

  by vard on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:47:46 PM PDT

  •  and it's not an urban legend

    ... because I have a framed sheet of it hanging in my house. My husband had a whole pad of the stuff at one time. (A friend on Gore's staff took pleasure in handing it out to friends.)

    by vard on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 10:49:23 PM PDT

    •  could you scan that and post it? n/t

      by alizard on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 11:04:34 PM PDT

      •  it's framed but I'll try

        by vard on Tue Feb 26, 2008 at 08:28:34 AM PDT

•  Dan, oh, I think he went off to Mars. He likes

  all the canals and water and life there.  He's such a happy camper.

  by suburi on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 11:10:06 PM PDT

•  I met him just before ...

  ... I moved to Montana in 1994.
  He was signing copies of his book in Spokane, Washington when someone brought up a group of about eight who surrounded him with signs saying "Dan Quayle 4 President."
  I was freelancing for a local weekly, so I had my camera, and their uncle/dad/whatever asked me to shoot a picture. (Took a year to send him a print, but that's a whole other story.)

  I couldn't stop myself from saying:
  If you're still running in 2012, you've got eight votes there!
  Next time I saw him was by accident, when he was doing a golf tournament in Big Fork, Montana about a year later. I guess he remembered my remark -- 'cause he shot a look my way which made me laugh out loud!

  by MT Spaces on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 11:14:02 PM PDT

  •  (missing) eight KIDS

    yep, eight children, about 6 to 13 years old -- not siblings.

    Hoo boy -- Typo Mary got me again!

    by MT Spaces on Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 11:29:16 PM PDT

•  Who really fucking cares about Danny the Loser??

  A living refutation of evolution.

  by xxdr zombiexx on Tue Feb 26, 2008 at 02:22:01 AM PDT

•  Mr. Potatoe-head guaranteed a Dem in 1992

  He also served as a human shield against assassination attempts on Bush 41.

  I thank him for his service to our country.
  

  by other72384 on Tue Feb 26, 2008 at 05:37:25 AM PDT