Humor: Help Russert Write More Idiotic Debate Gotcha Hypotheticals

I'm sure we were all amused, dusgusted, angered, frustrated and/or depressed about the idiotic questions Tim Russert threw at both Senator Clinton and Senator Obama last night.

But rather than post some kind of substantive diary criticizing Russert, I thought I would let kossacks have some fun mocking his pathetic ass by posting your own ridiculous hypothetical questions in the comments of this diary.

To give you an idea, here are a couple I came up with:

Russert:

Senator Clinton. Its 1944, and Hitler has the bomb. Do you -- as Commander in Chief -- go ahead with the D-Day invasion, or let Hitler wipe out our landing forces with a nuclear weapon and take over the world?"

Or:

Senator Obama. A giant, terrible, monster rises out of the sea and begins to destroiy the City of New York. Then, it allies with Al Qaeda! As Commander in Chief, do you re-invade Iraq?

I'm sure the creative genius of the Kos community can come up with some great ones. In fact, maybe they will wind up as a skit on Saturday Night Live. [My mouth to Lorrne Michael's ears! I suggest John Goodman as Rusert!]

•  WTF?

  I should have entitled tis diary: "Read this Diary or Hesiod will go over Niagra Falls in a Barrell."

  by Hesiod on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 07:30:37 AM PDT

  •  Barrel

    Great diary, though.

    by Send Rahm a Cheesecake on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 07:58:36 AM PDT

•  As the clock ticks doen on 24

  Russert:  "Al quaeda is about to blow up America, and their leader says they will only stop if you, as President, have sex with a super-hot person of the same gender.  I'll get out the video camera so you can demonstrate your response."

  by Tara the Antisocial Social Worker on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 07:32:23 AM PDT

•  Either nobody's reading this diary, or...

  ...Kossacks aren't as clever as I gave them credit for.

  Sheesh.

  by Hesiod on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 07:32:43 AM PDT

  •  I haven't read it...

    and yet I responded.

    by mayan on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 07:37:19 AM PDT

  •  can't compete

    I can't compete with Russert on this. He's the master.

    by discocarp on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 07:42:16 AM PDT

  •  I started to respond

    and then realized how much trouble I would get in if I actually posted it.

    You'll just have to imagine.  ;o)

    by arielle on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 07:57:15 AM PDT

•  "Mrs. Clinton, here's a video of you...

  ...doing the hokey-pokey -- and singing "You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out."  Doesn't this prove you are a flip-flopper?"

  by Finck II on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 07:36:46 AM PDT

  •  Mrs. Clinton. The Hokey Pokey.

    Is that really what it's all about? Some say no.

    by vicki on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 03:10:14 PM PDT

•  Senator Clinton...

  you are a woman.  You have given birth.  In the Babylonian "Enuma Elish" Tiamat, the Dragon of Chaos.  According to the Wikipedia, Tiamat became angry and gave birth to:

  giant sea serpents, storm demons, fish-men, scorpion-men and many others

  Are you planning, Senator, on doing anything remotely like this if you get angry?  And if so, do you think this will happen during your first 100 days as president.  And if not, why not?

  by mayan on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 07:36:54 AM PDT

•  Senator Clinton,

  On day one, the Pentagon's top-secret Office of Really Neat Stuff reveals to you a weapon they are ready to go with after years of stealth development -- a time-traveling nanotech cruise missile large enough to take out one, and exactly one, human infant. The project is so expensive that they can only build one every eight years. Who do you designate as the first target -- Adolf Hitler, Osama bin Laden, Karl Rove, Monica Lewinsky, or Chris Matthews? And why?

  by Tabula Rasa on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 07:42:55 AM PDT

•  "The Martians land on the White

  House lawn and threaten to destroy the Earth. Would you offer them cookies or cake? Now remember, they have a definite preference for one over the other."

  by Gary Norton on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 07:46:25 AM PDT

•  OK, I'll play:

  "Tim, although you usually ask the questions, this one is for you.

  Your early political career involved work for Senator Moynihan.

  As a campaign worker, you were no doubt aware of his positions on major issues.

  Senator Moynihan is well known for (1) advocating "benign neglect" of the issue of race during its most turbulent times and (2) stating that "women are ruining the Democratic Party" by insisting on reproductive choice.

  What do you do to assure women and Americans of color?  Are you consistent with issues regarding civil and reproductive rights and not in any way suggesting that women ruin the Democratic party or that we would benefit from benign neglect of racial issues?"

  by idea hamster on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 07:46:49 AM PDT

•  Russert: Senator Obama

  Senator Clinton here has a daughter as you know, and she gave birth to her.  You and your wife Michelle have two daughters, yet your wife was the one who gave birth to them.

  Senator Obama - do you think it is beneath you to give birth?  Can you, as Commander in Chief, negotiate with world leaders who HAVE given birth.  As a second part - do you regret not having expelled your daughters through a one of your bodily orifices and if you were given the chance again, would you do so?  Also, Al Qaeda.

  Obama: Whaaaa?

  by nightsweat on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 07:48:07 AM PDT

•  "Senator Obama, it is painfully obvious

  to us--white people--that you are a black man.  Other black men sometimes scare us.  What is your response?"

  by Kab ibn al Ashraf on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 07:53:41 AM PDT

•  k.... I'll try.

  Senator Obama: Raul Castro is holding Hugo Chavez hostage, saying if you don't support Exxon's move to regain thier oil fields, he will release him back to Venzuala.....   how long do you laugh?

  Senator Clinton: Your husband gets into a public spat with Mark Penn over how you base political descions, whose bed do you crawl out of first and why?

  by CBcomedian on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 08:09:48 AM PDT

•  Senator Obama,

  Your father was black, and your mother was white.  If you are President, and a freak nuclear accident splits you into two people, will black-Obama or white-Obama assume the Presidency?  

  by Quiet Thinker on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 08:13:12 AM PDT

•  This is harder than I thought.

  As a member of the "reality based community" it takes alot of mental regression to go here.

  by retriever on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 08:21:07 AM PDT

•  Sen.Obama

  Russert: On your first full day in the oval office, Karl Rove and George Bush are kidnapped and held hostage by hezbollah. The price for their safe return is that you meet with the leaders  of hezbollah in person to negotiate the release. What's your response?

  Sen.Obama: We cannot negotiate with terrorists.

  by BHOYWC on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 08:42:33 AM PDT

•  For both candidates

  All of metropolitan Buffalo, an important Democratic constituency, is in an uproar because the Buffalo Bills, the greatest football team of all time, have failed repeatedly to win the Super Bowl. In fact, they are threatening to secede, become part of Canada, and move the Bills to the CFL if this is not remedied soon. Will you, as President of the United States, pledge tonight to the people of Buffalo that you too believe the Buffalo Bills are the greatest football franchise of all time, and that, as President, you will do all that is in your power to intervene with the NFL to see to it that the Buffalo Bills are granted an automatic Super Bowl berth every year, and that they get the trophy whether they win the game or not?

  by Tabula Rasa on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 09:18:27 AM PDT