Punxsutawney Phil Says: No Shadow, No Need to Campaign for Six More Weeks

Punxsutawney Phil, the mighty groundhog, the Seer of Seers, the Prognosticator of Prognosticators, emerged from his place of repose on Gobbler’s Knob today to issue a press release addressed to the Clinton campaign. His message said:

Dear Ms. Clinton,

Groundhogs are usually no great shakes at mathematics, but even I can tell that there is something very wrong with your calculations. You have made the states of Texas and Ohio your firewalls in the primary campaign, to be reinforced by my home state of Pennsylvania. By winning big in these three states, you were hoping to pick up enough delegates to overcome Mr. Obama. However, now it seems somewhat likely that you will lose Texas, and there is at least a chance that you will lose Ohio as well. Even if you win in Ohio by a few points, you won’t get enough delegates to overtake Obama.

Then there is my home state of Pennsylvania. According to the most recent poll, your lead here has shrunk to just six points. Now there are still almost seven weeks of campaigning left. We all know that Obama is capable of erasing even double digit leads in just two or three weeks. By the time my state votes, you will be toast.

So please. Just accept the inevitable next Tuesday. I see no shadow. It is spring already. No need to campaign for another six weeks after March 4.

Signed
Punxsutawney Phil
Seer of Seers
Prognosticator of Prognosticators

The Clinton campaign quickly fired back with a statement saying:

Groundhogs are well-know activist rodents. They drink lattes. They all drive Priuses.

Speaking to supporters in Rhode Island, Senator Clinton stated:

In the movie, Groundhog Day, we see Punxsutawney Phil driving a Prius. Need I say more?

However, within minutes, YouTubes of videos appeared showing that Punxsutawney Phil was really driving a red pickup truck in the film Groundhog Day. But in a press release, the Clinton Campaign struck back:

Clearly these videos are a further example of the desperate, anti-Semitic tactics that the Obama campaign engages in. We reject these videos.

Political analysts from CNN and MSNBC are now eagerly awaiting any response from the groundhogs of Pennsylvania, especially from Punxsutawney Phil himself. "This is the biggest issue during this campaign season, clearly," said one senior commentator.

•  Tips

  Groundhogs for Obama!

  by Zoltan on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 10:46:50 PM PDT

•  With all the cold weather...

  ...we've had in Chicago, I want to strangle the fat little rodent! However, I DO agree with him about Senator Clinton.

  by JeffW on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 10:53:24 PM PDT

  •  Punxsutawney Phil PROVES

    that there is NO global warming! Clearly!

    (Snark)

    by Zoltan on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 11:01:04 PM PDT

•  The Shadow

  knows!

  by begone on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 10:54:33 PM PDT

•  Punxsutanwney Phil supports Barack Obama, proof

  

  by aj4runner on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 10:54:42 PM PDT

•  GForO

  

  by valadon on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 10:54:46 PM PDT

•  If logic won't convice her maybe this will. LOL

  by humphrey on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 11:12:23 PM PDT

•  This primary season IS "Groundhog Day."

  by Reckoner on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 11:32:05 PM PDT

  •  every day does certainly seem the same

    Obama keeps winning and Clinton keeps losing...

    by TrueBlueMajority on Thu Feb 28, 2008 at 09:33:23 AM PDT

•  March 2 is two days before the primaries

  You mean March 4, punx.

  by dconrad on Thu Feb 28, 2008 at 02:24:08 AM PDT

•  You're right!

  Or perhaps it was a Freudian slip. I want her to quite sooner...

  I will make the change.

  by Zoltan on Thu Feb 28, 2008 at 02:49:31 AM PDT