From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
We'll make this short so the Super Tuesday post-mortems can take precedence here on the front porch. Just one quick observation:
In hindsight, the 2004 Democratic primary seems like a gaggle of clowns jumping out of a tiny car and then running around dumping buckets of confetti on each other.
This one doesn't. But the Republican one does.
Yeah. That's all I wanted to say.
I love the smell of Red Bull in the morning. Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Note: If you can't say anything nice about someone, at least give 'em a dirty look.
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Valentine's Day: 8
Days 'til the next total lunar eclipse: 15
Number of viewers who tuned in for the Super Bowl: 97.5 million
Chance that an office computer of an FBI employee has internet access: 1-in-3
(Source: Harper's Index)
Increase in health care costs in 2007: 6.7%
Average yearly amount Americans spend on health care: $7,026
(Source: LA Times via The Week)
Number of Super Tuesday polling places where you got to vote by knocking back a shot for your favorite candidate: 3
Mid-week Rapture Index: 164 (including one $3.1 trillion Bush budget and one appearance by the Virgin Mary in a bowl of macaroni salad). Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
Puppy Pic of the Day: Momma Mia...she's-a B'yootiful...
CHEERS to a day at the races. Yesterday Democratic voters went to the polls in twenty-something states and cast their votes for: Hillary, Obama, Obama, Hillary, Obama, Hillary, Obama, Obama, Hillary, Obama, Hillary, Hillary, Obama, Obama, Hillary, Obama, Obama, Hillary, Obama, Obama, Hillary and Obama. (One of those might be flipped around---the cat threw up on my Post-It notes.) Conclusion: I don’t think we're in 2004 anymore, Toto.
CHEERS to the coming tsunami. Judging by voter turnout from a month's worth of primaries, I think it's safe to say that Democrats are mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore. The Republicans, on the other hand, are---to be charitable---going through the motions. Their side has no vision, no game plan, and no inspiration, just like our party had none four and eight years ago. And the question will inevitably arise: have we restored our mojo because of Barack...or Hillary? The answer is: Yes. (With a strong assist from John Edwards and Howard Dean.) My point being: with focus and a wee bit of unity, we're going to crush the fuckers in November. Like a paper cup on the receiving end of a bowling ball.
CHEERS to bursting the bubble. Prediction: this is going to be one bad year for George Bush and his cronies. We're going to find out just how dishonest and inept they really are. The latest example is Philip Shenon's new book, The Commission: The Uncensored History of the 9/11 Investigation, which includes this nugget about Condi Rice (via Think progress):
The official ineptitude uncovered by the commission is shocking. Dubbed "Kinda-Lies-a-Lot" by the Jersey Girls, Ms. Rice comes across as almost clueless about the terrorist threat. "Whatever her job title, Rice seemed uninterested in actually advising the president," Mr. Shenon writes. "Instead, she wanted to be his closest confidante---specifically on foreign policy---and to simply translate his words into action."
An example of this incompetence is the fact that on July 10, 2001---two months before the 9/11 terrorist attacks---then-CIA director George Tenet met with Rice and warned her about a threat from al Qaeda that "literally made [his] hair stand on end." Rice was polite, but gave them the "brushoff."
More wankery like this will come to light on Katrina, wiretapping, Iraq, Afghanistan, and more. I believe it was William Shakespeare who once said, "Drip... Drip... Drip." Or maybe it was Folgers.
JEERS to selective amnesia. At the House and Senate Armed Services Committee hearings today, the Secretary of Defense will refused to estimate how many bucks we'll have to shell out to pay for the quagmires in Iraq and Afghanistan. So here's a little refresher for Robert Gates, who should know these things:
$4 billion a week x 52 weeks = $208 billion
+ taxes, surcharges, shipping & handling, and courtesy fees
= $400 billion
Just like my cable bill.
CHEERS to Massachusetts. The "Thank God Mitt Romney's Gone State" officially became the sixth in the union on this date in 1788. And I'd like to remind the right-wing knuckledraggers who bash the state for being a den of---shriek!---liberalism that a) the Salem witch trials were conducted by your peeps, b) the freedoms you guys have to speak your evolution-denyin' minds are largely the result of a bunch of Massachusetts types who shed their blood to make it possible, c) Bostonians drive like they're trying to hasten the Rapture, and d) it's the home of Necco Wafers, making it the cradle of western civilization. Ha---the Necco reference always shuts 'em up.
JEERS to America's achin' 401(k)'s. File this under "Don’t jump!" The Dow Industrials lost nearly 400 points yesterday, which means somebody took a bunch of money away from you, doused it in gasoline, lit a match, and turned months and months of hard work to ashes. Somebody remind me again: why didn't we turn Social Security over to Wall Street?
CHEERS to Shamu's revenge. The Navy's sonar training exercises are murder on whales, dolphins and other marine mammals' senses, and regulations were passed to stop the practice off the coast of southern California. President Bush, playing the spoiled-brat card, tried to overturn a judge's preliminary injunction. But Monday a federal judge weighed arguments from both sides and proceeded to shred Bush's waiver into a million pieces. Heh. Put the tartar sauce down, Preznit.
JEERS to Homeland Berzerkity. When assholes like Jonah Goldberg talk about "liberal fascism," all I need to do is point out that Republicans were the ones who, after the 9/11 attacks, started using the jackboot-tinged word "homeland." FBI Director Robert Mueller is the latest to use it, saying yesterday that al Qaeda is still a "critical threat to the homeland." Call us the United States. Call us the U.S. Call us America. Call us "the nation." Call us "the country." Call us Sweetheart, but please knock off the homeland shit. You're creepin' the kids out.
CHEERS to schadenfreude. Ha Ha! Today we take perverse pleasure in the news that a poll for British TV station UK Gold shows that teens across The Pond rival ours for not knowing stuff. Twenty percent, for example, think that Winston Churchill was a figment of someone's imagination, and a bunch didn't think Cleopatra or Gandhi ever existed. Yay! We're #2! We're #2!
CHEERS to the Gipper. Happy 97th birthday, Ronald Reagan. He made some classic movies, including Kings Row, Knute Rockne: All American, The Killers (the 1964 version), and Santa Fe Trail. Other than that I have no recollection of him.
One Year Ago in C&J: February 6, 2007...
JEERS to mangled melons. In Iraq over the weekend, a truck bomb blast in a---you guessed it---crowded market killed 135+, the highest one-day death toll since we invaded. The good news: the insurgents will never target a market again. The bad news: because there are none left to blow up. [2/6/08 Update: Once again, I'm completely wrong. I'd forgotten about the pet markets. I wish the assface insurgents had, too.]
JEERS to verbal whiplash. John McCain on ABC's This Week last Sunday: "[It] took us a long time to get in the situation we’re in, and to somehow assume that in a few months that things are going to get all better I think is not realistic." McCain 47 seconds later on the same program: "I think in the case of the Iraqi government cooperating and doing what’s necessary, we can know fairly well in a few months." Sometimes the punch lines write themselves.
And just one more...
CHEERS to getting' "Clean for Gene." Retro will always be cool, and now political junkies can wear some of the logos from Democratic campaigns of the past, thanks to retrocampaigns.com. McGovern, Stevenson, Carter, Humphrey, and a couple Kennedys are all there, and part of the money goes to saveDarfur.org, which is a nice bonus. Those logos make me feel old. And by old I mean, of course, hip, cool and wise.
Oh, and happy 67th birthday, Tom Brokaw. Your present: permission to lock Chris Matthews in the basement and take his spot next to Keith Olbermann during campaign coverage. And a pair of socks. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"I thought, if Bill in Portland Maine was a state, he'd be California."