I need 3 mins. from 10 of you for a focus group, please.

Hello fellow netroot citizens, and for those that do not know, I am Barry Welsh and I am running for Congress for a second time in Indiana's 6th District.  I am a progressive and am running unopposed in the primary.

March 19th marks the 5th annaversary of the Iraq Occupation and I am running against one of it's most staunch supporters, Congressman Mike Pence.

The rest is below.

We are kicking off our General election campaign on March 19th.

We are doing a very ambitious fundraising effort on March 19th and it is all centered around a video presentation.

I am asking for some help.  Since many of my normal focus group is on spring break, I am hoping that 10 of you will take 3 minutes and watch the video and then give your opinion in the comments below.  The promotion of the video will start Wednesday morning and I want a little feed back before we release it through email lists.

Here is the Youtube Link.  Take a look and let me know what you think.

Thanks and see you in the comments.

Barry

•  If you have a spare three minutes

  take a look at the video and give me your opinions, please.

  Thanks for reading and your comments.

  by Barry Welsh on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 07:57:53 PM PDT

  •  Hi Folks - it's me Congressional Candidate Wife

    Thanks to all that have taken the time to view and post comments.  Your feedback is invaluable and has provided very constructive input.  Barry has stepped away for the moment and I thought I'd jump on and make sure the comments were read while he is away.

    Love,

    Sherri

    by Congressional Candidates Wife on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:16:34 PM PDT

•  There is a really bad buzz

  and you're kind of echo-y. The content is good, but it seems as if you are reading off cards at times. Maybe do use the word 'sucks'. All in all I thought it was really good. What type of fund raising event is it?

  by psilocynic on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:01:52 PM PDT

  •  Agree...but DON'T use the word

    'sucks.'

    by oldpro on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:07:51 PM PDT

    •  I meant 'don't'

      That was a typo. Sorry.

      by psilocynic on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:34:06 PM PDT

  •  psilocynic

    Noted - take out the "sucks" comment and replace with a more appropriate comment.

    Barry knew he'd most likely have to reshoot it but we wanted to get people's input on the context.

    Thanks.

    Love,

    Sherri

    by Congressional Candidates Wife on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:18:24 PM PDT

    •  Typo.

      My speedy little 3 words a minute fingers missed the 'n't'. I meant to say "don't use the word sucks". He said the economy sucks. I thought there might be a more eloquent way of stating the damage done to our economy in the hands of our evil shadowy overlords known as republicans.

      by psilocynic on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:36:50 PM PDT

    •  I really like how you've taken your campaign to

      we, the people. Makes me want to move to Indiana's 6th so I can vote for Barry. And get a Peyton Manning autograph! I'm all the way in Seattle, but if there is ever anything that I can do, just email me.

      by psilocynic on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:40:34 PM PDT

  •  There is a bad buzz...

    reminds me of deposition audio recordings :). Can you borrow a clip on mic from someone, might help?

    And please, use some visuals! Otherwise, good script.

    by Darksyde888 on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:39:02 PM PDT

•  What is the demographics

  of your CD?

  I think the video is sincere and candid.

  Your state will be receiving a whole lot of attention in the next few weeks.

  Make good use.

  Grab on to big coat tails and ride the wave to victory.

  by BlackBox on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:02:00 PM PDT

  •  Demographics

    To be honest, I will let Barry answer this.  I've been going on close to 23 hours awake and I'm not sure I would be as confident with my accuracy.

    Thanks for the support and advise.

    Love,

    Sherri

    by Congressional Candidates Wife on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:20:15 PM PDT

    •  Night, night

      sleep tight
      don't let the bed bugs bite!

      by BlackBox on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:25:54 PM PDT

      •  BlackBox

        Thank you.

        Love,

        Sherri

        by Congressional Candidates Wife on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:28:39 PM PDT

  •  District map...

    borders Ohio. Al Giordano at the Field could be of service.

    

    by Darksyde888 on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 09:01:29 PM PDT

•  I Don't Doubt Your Sincerity and

  you are well spoken.  But the right sided lighting is poor, you really need to "buff up" (enhance) the setting behind you; that is, if you are sitting at the dinner table make it plain that you are, and you need to consider just cutting back on the hair a bit.

  I'm a reformed hippie, so it doesn't put me off.  I assume you want widespread appeal, so think seriously and do the small stuff that will appeal to Joe Sixpack.

  Go for it and good luck.

  rh

  by RoddieH on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:04:50 PM PDT

  •  Very much agree about

    the lighting inadequate/dark (first thing I noticed), the setting indeterminate, sound was so so (buzz...echo?)...and the hair could use a trim.

    Also, at the very end, you're saying something positive and shaking your head negatively from side to side...a mixed and distracting message.

    And the 'Peace' and 'peace sign' at the end is a really limiting throwback to the 60s and 70s.  I'd change it...

    Good luck...

    by oldpro on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:12:38 PM PDT

  •  That leaf on the left is distracting

    You tube didn't play for me but I checked the video part. The plant on the left of the screen has a leaf that adds an unintended comic element to the visuals.

    by FishOutofWater on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:13:33 PM PDT

  •  RoddieH

    Yes, the lighting is poor and the background needs to be more colorful.  "cutting back on the hair abit" meaning get a haircut?

    Love,

    Sherri

    by Congressional Candidates Wife on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:22:14 PM PDT

    •  Yeah, I don't mean to give the guy a hard time,

      but I am thinking he wants to appeal to a broad audience.  

      I'm just trying to think about MASS appeal, I guess.

      by RoddieH on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:47:55 PM PDT

    •  Yeah, it's kind of, well, puffy... n/t

      by dawnt on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 10:04:11 PM PDT

•  best of luck, barry...

  i would say, you might want to get rid of "the economy sucks."  i mean, say it, but not use those words... and keep your request for money to a minimum.

  by jj24 on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:04:53 PM PDT

•  Well I am no expert but I like it

  so much so that I am going to donate Friday, when I get paid.  Thanks.

  by allie123 on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:06:07 PM PDT

  •  allie123

    Thank you for your support both now and future.  Barry and I appreciate your effort.

    Love,

    Sherri

    by Congressional Candidates Wife on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:23:39 PM PDT

•  I agree

  the audio could definitely use some improvement and lose the word "sucks".

  by bluestateonian on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:06:50 PM PDT

•  The nice thing about video

  is you can put your website address up.  You don't have to spell it out to people.

  There's a bad buzz, bad echo, and it ends rather abruptly.

  Sadly it takes money to raise money, and this video loudly screams that you don't have money.

  I don't think it's going to raise you much money either.

  by metallel on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:07:45 PM PDT

  •  Yes, agree with

    printed website -- forgot to include that in my comment.  It is much easier for folks to jot down.

    by gchaucer2 on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:09:31 PM PDT

  •  printed website - agreed

    and leave it up for a while, not just a 5 second flash.  People need time to see it.

    I am an Edwards Democrat!

    by Scubaval on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:24:45 PM PDT

•  You are one of my

  favorite posters here so I guess I can give some constructive criticism.

  1.  The video is too long, you have great points that need to be compacted;

  2.  The audio has echoes and sounds too loud;

  3.  I wouldn't use "sucks" because the word doesn't sync with your visual persona;

  4.  A very quick distinction between you and Pence (sp?) is preferable.  He's for the war -- cost.  You are opposed to the war -- money spent on other issues like health care and education.  Ask for a donation but don't put the $10 limit on it -- I think you will get more above that amount to compensate for lower donations.

  I am wishing you much good luck and on this St. Patrick's Day -- Slainte!

  by gchaucer2 on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:08:37 PM PDT

  •  Definitely too long!

    by boji on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:13:38 PM PDT

  •  Could be split into a few separate messages.

    Shorter is better for holding people's interests.  When I click on a youtube vid, I will always watch it if it's a minute or less - figure that even if it's no good, I don't waste too much time.  At about two minutes, the likelihood of watching drops way off, and at 3 minutes, I'll skip past 95% of them.

    Also, it's easier to sustain natural, flowing speech over a short piece.  What you really want to do is film a much longer "interview" type piece, then edit together the statements you want to highlight - rather than trying to do it in one straight take.

    You can do longer pieces (link to them from your site), but for a fundraising pitch to launch a campaign, keep it short.

    Agree with concerns voiced above about sound/lighting.

    We want you to win, which is why we're throwing all the critique your way.

    by lineatus on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:27:40 PM PDT

  •  Agree on the length...

    how about 90 seconds?

    by Darksyde888 on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:41:49 PM PDT

•  OK, I am the only one that liked

  when you said the economy sucks, because it does.
  but i know nothing about this kind of stuff.

  by allie123 on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:12:25 PM PDT

  •  i like to hear "the economy sucks"

    it just doesn't sound professional.  

    by jlms qkw on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:13:51 PM PDT

    •  Exactly

      I respect the forthrightness of the comment, but it's not the right word for this sort of ad (Now, if he were aiming more clearly at the 18-30 set with a relaxed, colloquial ad, it might be appropriate, but the quiet dinner-table monologue is suitable for a more professional ad targeted at the 35+ range).

      by kyril on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:37:31 PM PDT

  •  Depends on the audience

    If you're looking at a 29 and under democratic crowd, then "the economy sucks" will work great. If you are looking at pretty much any other audience, forget it.

    by dawnt on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 10:06:15 PM PDT

•  As a former legislator and debate coach, I have

  these thoughts.

  First, Energy level needs to be higher.
  Second, this is too long.
  Third, when you go over the 12 billion a week, give an example that shows what that means.  What other priorities in Indiana exist that could be paid for?  Maybe provide all children with health care 5 billion.  Others can help.
  Fourth, when you go on the fifth anniversary of the war, you should have the permission of a district veteran to use his/her name that suffered injuries.  if not a district memember than some specific statistics of 4000 dead and brain injured.
  Fifth, what you will do that represents the views of the district.

  It is held by a republican, so you need to get cross over votes.  What do they want?

  Good luck!

  by boji on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:12:59 PM PDT

•  Very nice

  I would do the appeal for money toward the end of the video. I felt that the second half was when you really got rolling; I agree with everything said about Iraq, but your discussion of the economy was even more powerful and will resonate. I'd ask for the donations after that - that's when your viewers will really be nodding their heads.

  Use powerful language, but not 'sucks.'

  I wish you the very best.

  by Ivey476 on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:14:35 PM PDT

•  Living in Ohio for 50 Years I'd Agree With Others

  here that "sucks" is questionable especially for older audiences, and despite my own hippie roots, the "peace" closing would in my experience be a problem for general midwest audiences.

  I don't see any trouble with the delivery, you come across very real.

  What others said about the sound is a possible consideration.

  Many video cameras have a jack for an external microphone; plugging one in and setting it much closer to you so that the room echo is reduced might help. Even a cheapie $10-20 model from Radio Shack might be an improvement. Hanging up some blankets out of sight of the camera can cut down the "hollow room" sound as well.

  Good luck!

  by Gooserock on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:15:30 PM PDT

•  I thought that what you were saying sounded

  sincere, first of all, and that is most important. I did find the plant in the background distracting, I could not focus on your face.  Also, pointing with both hands should be dropped, while later in the video the pointing with one hand did not bother me.  If you can, you should look for a darker background so your hair does not blend into the background, light your whole face evenly, one side of your face is always in shadow.  I think it is good that you are in a dining room, with the colonial shelf in the back, and is homey.  Hope I am not being over critical, best of luck.

  by eyesonthestreet on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:16:53 PM PDT

•  Agree with many of other comments

  drop sucks
  fix lighting - need to see your eyes
  improve sound
  print website name on video, don't spell it

  also refer to your other positions that are described in  detail on your website - aren't they?

  Could refer to changing the map, from red to blue.

  Good luck, my friend. Oh yeah, one more thing. Leave off "my friend" sounds too much like McCain.

  by The Third Man on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:21:19 PM PDT

•  You may want to...

  ...offer two videos. One that's 30 seconds long or no more than one minute that delivers a concise summary.  The second to be the normal length one. Many folks today have short attention spans so the shorter the better.

  Ray

  by Solari on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:25:03 PM PDT

  •  I agree

    Shorter is better. Also, drop the word "sucks".  Lighting and backdrop could be re-worked, think about a set-up that would make a good picture for a flyer or advertisement.

    Love the content, but I would speak about the loss of life before the monetary costs.

    by rockwilder on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:37:36 PM PDT

•  WOW

  Wow - all good stuff!!!

  Keep it coming, this is really good to get the majority of opinion and why things appeal or don't appeal.

  Thank all of you!

  Love,

  Sherri

  by Congressional Candidates Wife on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:27:59 PM PDT

•  Can you crop it some?

  I like what you're saying, but it comes across as disorganized, unfocused, and a little too long. Perhaps you could cut about a minute off the video by reorganizing the thoughts into a more structured progression? Also, make sure you ask for the donations at the end, and see if you can get the URL of your site in print on the screen.

  by kyril on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:33:48 PM PDT

  •  Maybe "focus group" a script

    This crowd would probably be good at tightening things up and figuring out the good points to emphasize (like the "when I go to congress, you go to congress" line.)

    by lineatus on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 10:00:00 PM PDT

•  I watched it and I read the comments here

  I thought you'd already have your ten people, and maybe that many have made suggestions, but I don't think you, Barry, or Sherie would mind one more :)

  I see nothing wrong with your hair.

  I agree with comments about the lighting, the echo-y sound, the length, the peace sign, and "sucks," so I'm sure you'll take that into consideration.

  The part about Iraq is too long.  You could be quite forceful with a few short sentences.

  I also agree about asking for money.  Don't state an amount and don't say it over and over again.  Do emphasize "spread the word" (virality of the nets!).

  The 19th is Wednesday, so I don't know how quick you'll get something redone, if you do, or the possibility of virality in so short a time.  Wish I knew people in Indiana to help you out.

  I give to your campaign on a monthly basis, but I'll toss in a few bucks on Wednesday for this effort.  Best of luck!  Let's get 'er done!

  I am an Edwards Democrat!

  by Scubaval on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:40:09 PM PDT

•  Detailed critique from a Prof

  Hello.
  I teach writing (though not speeches) and I have some compositional tips:  

  1. The buildup is too long. You need to snag the viewer in the first 10 seconds or it's over. Don't try and tell them why voting for congress is important you won't convince anyone to vote for you before they've heard your message. A call to vote comes at the end not the beginning.

  2. The Iraq stuff is good, but also too long. Give more of a pause after you deliver your opponent's remarks so we can let it sink in and then cut yours down to a few pithy comments.

  3. "when I go to congress you go to congress" is good. As is the line about the torch.

  4. I'd spend more time on the economy and tell us more about how you intend to make things better.

  5. Also, like the guy on youtube said, drop the peace sign at the end, makes you look out of touch.

  Overall, I think it is a good piece. You convey sincerity with your voice and body language, but your message needs to be more succinct.  Right now I know you oppose the war, but little else. Perhaps you could frame it with a personal narrative or a unique vision of the problem.

  Good luck.

  by DrMoreau on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 08:41:00 PM PDT

•  In My Humble Opinion...

  My first thought is that you've got several good messages that should be split up into as many videos: one each. Keep it simple, keep it short: one issue per video and you don't have to use the all your time. At moments I get the impression that he's rushing a bit to get it all in and that he natural speed is a bit slower. (I don't know if that's true or how fast Indianans speak.)

  Second thought: spelling out website addresses sounds like a telemarketer. It's a trivial thing to edit videos to superimpose text, but I really feel it's important that you not have to spell your name.

  Moving on, there's a buzz and an echo in the audio. You probably know that already, and someone else has probably already told you how to fix it (I can only speculate).

  The bright side-lighting is dramatic and powerful, but it's also dangerous. Barry has an expressive face so it works, but it's not a very "friendly" technique (especially with the finger pointing). Open the blinds so reflected sunlight softens the shadows?

  The background could be more representative of Barry's candidacy. Where he is - his environment in the ad - is part of the message he conveys. If you're going for the low-production value "video blogger" style, then play it up by filming it with the bookcase and such in the background. ...I might be inclined to have Barry voice over footage of him walking through iconic 'scapes in the district: a famously closed down factory area or a skid row or shruburb or a war memorial or university, etc. Barry has a strong enough voice to pull off a voice-over with impact.

  Criticism. Criticism. Criticism. It's. Not. Bad.

  The important is Barry comes across as smart, well spoken, genuine and passionate for his people. People spend thousands in acting coaches to develop what Barry has naturally.

  Fix the audio, break the message into smaller topic-specific pieces (with the website address in subtitles) and the campaign can run from that, IMHO.

  by opendna on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 09:08:21 PM PDT

  •  RE Hair

    I see people suggesting a haircut. I disagree strongly.

    by opendna on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 09:42:25 PM PDT

    •  As a woman, I think the haircut is key

      The puffiness is very 80s.

      by dawnt on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 10:09:58 PM PDT

•  Two messages

  Separate your message into how you are good for the sixth district and an attack on Mike Pence. At the end of each message, make a splash screen of where to donate. Don't personally solicit contributions. Limit your messages to easy bites -- make multiple bites if absolutely necessary.
  Succinct speech writing with simple penetrating messages will work best.

  by AlBob on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 09:08:45 PM PDT

•  The background is distracting

  The plant needs to go.

  by mariachi mama on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 09:45:35 PM PDT

  •  Regardless of how good he might be,

    this is a dreadful video.  Warmest regards, Doc.

    by Translator on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 10:11:18 PM PDT

•  my 2 cents

  you need to introduce yourself earlier and explain why you are runnung for congress. your background who you are, why this is important to you. other than that i agree with the other comments that have been made. Good luck

  by Tanya on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 09:46:20 PM PDT

•  For what it's worth

  That blue (shirt) is not your color.
  Wear a button-up at minimum.
  Replace the plant with a flag.
  Replace the 70s hutch with a bookshelf.
  Ask people to invest in USA, not give to you.
  Skip the 'peace' at the end.
  Print your name on the screen at the beginning.
  Print the web address on the screen at the end.
  Don't use the "many IN markets" line.
  $12 billion doesn't mean much to the ordinary American.
  Put the dollars in terms they can understand.
  What else could they get for that $12 billion?
  And the hum has got to go.

  I hope that doesn't seem like too much. Each item is just a small thing.

  by dawnt on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 10:00:54 PM PDT

  •  While I might be convinced to like

    this candidate, this is close to the worst advert that I ever have seen.  Warmest regards, Doc.

    by Translator on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 10:08:54 PM PDT

•  Ok, you asked, so I will give you

  my opinion.  First, you look like someone in lockup.  Cut your hair.

  Second, learn not to refer to the notes or teleprompter.

  Third, be more specific about your message.  Generalities do not help.

  Forth, keep your spouse out it it.  She neither contributes nor helps.  Are you both running?

  Finally, I actually agree with you on most points, but if you keep up this dreadful campaign, you will lose.

  Warmest regards, Doc.

  by Translator on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 10:04:37 PM PDT

  •  I disagree about keeping the spouse out of it.

    This is not 1950s, the wifee does not need to be relegated back to the kitchen.

    by dawnt on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 10:12:08 PM PDT

    •  If she is runninng for a position, I agree.

      If not, she has not any business with a candidate for anything.  I believe that this is fair.  Same thing if she were the candidate and he were not.  Warmest regards, Doc.

      by Translator on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 10:15:02 PM PDT

•  Always remember when shooting video

  Figure you're going to shoot at least 20 minutes to get 1 minute of usable film. Sometimes it's 60 minutes for 1 minute of usable film. I once did a 3 hour interview that was aired in 2 minutes.

  My point is, don't worry if you do a lot of takes. If professionals have to work hard at it, so will you. Don't get discouraged. When you finally get it done, it'll be worth it.

  by dawnt on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 10:14:29 PM PDT

  •  Just do not post the rejected

    59 out of 60 minutes.  Warmest regards, Doc.

    by Translator on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 10:16:07 PM PDT

•  Can you shoot again

  ...in a warmer-lit setting? You look very magenta, almost as though someone had done a poor job of color correcting. You need some more golden skin tones.

  I agree that "sucks" should be omitted, and the peace sign at the end is unnecessary.

  There are some good quotes that could be used to make the point for you, such as Jeannette Rankin's great quote: "You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake", or perhaps this great (but long) quote:

  To kill one man is to be guilty of a capital crime, to kill ten men is to increase the guilt ten-fold, to kill a hundred men is to increase it a hundred-fold. This the rulers of the earth all recognize and yet when it comes to the greatest crime—waging war on another state—they praise it... So as to right or wrong, the rulers of the world are in confusion.
  Mo Tze, a Chinese philosopher (470-391 B.C.)

  Well, maybe the last quote is too long.

  by eyeswideopen on Mon Mar 17, 2008 at 10:44:09 PM PDT