Why I'm a typical white person

Back when I was 20,which was 1985-ish, I was attending the Boston campus at the University of Massachusetts. I lived (and still do) in a suburb about 20 miles north of Boston. UMass-Boston is a commuter campus, and parking sucked, so I did the train-subway thing.

I had a friend, Leisa, who lived in Boston--Jamaica Plain--and drove to school most days. We occasionally hung out together. One fine spring day, we decided to go hang out at the beach at Castle Island in South Boston.

More on the flip....

Leisa told me she'd drop me at a stop on the T so I could take it back to North Station and the train. Fine by me. I thought she'd take me to JFK/UMass, the stop I usually took. However, coming back out of Southie, that stop was a little hard to get to. So, she told me she'd just drop me at a stop on her way home. Fine by me, going from Southie to JP you cross a number of the subway lines. Sure enough, we quickly came upon one.

Dudley.

Dudley was on the Orange Line, and this is back in the days where the Orange Line was an elevated track. The El winded its way through some of the more dilapidated parts of the city, including Roxbury, the 'black' part of town.

The Dudley stop was right in the heart of Roxbury. But it was right in between Southie and JP, so very convenient for Leisa to drop me off. She probably didn't think nothing of it--she'd lived in the city her whole life and wasn't a sheltered suburban weenie like me. I didn't even think anything of it, at first.

Until I climbed the steps to the platform, realized there were about 30 people waiting for the train...and I was absolutely the only white person.

Not only was I a suburban weenie, but I'd also been brought up in a racist household. White guy surrounded by 30 black people in Roxbury? I'd better just start planning the funeral now. That was the attitude I was brought up with. Did I think that?

Oh, hell, yes. You don't shake off your conditioning that easily. I saw these 30 black people staring at me like I had three heads and I figured they'd find my body underneath a train.

Then something happened. A guy a bit older than I was at the time, about 25ish, quickly sized up the situation. He saw most of his fellow passengers staring at this white boy who was trying to hide in the corner. And he did something about it--he walked up to me, a huge grin plastered on his face, and said, "Damn! What the hell is a white boy doing in Dudley?"

"My friend dropped me off here on her way home to JP," I replied.

"Some friend!" this guy said, laughing. "She should've just dumped your ass in Boston Harbor and told you to swim for it!"

That's when I started laughing--and feeling faintly ridiculous.

The guy and a couple of his buddies easily chatted with me, making me feel at ease, until the train came.

Does that make me a 'typical white person'? Hell, yes, it does. And any white person that doesn't understand that is lying to themselves.

The moral of the story is this: racism is conditioning. It's learned behavior. It can be unlearned. However, to un-learn it, you have to recognize it's there in the first place.

And sometimes a little help comes in handy. That guy on the subway platform took a look at me and realized, "This white boy is scared of us 'cause we're black." Of course, this must have bothered him. However, he had two options: get pissed off about it, or reach out.

He chose the latter.

And it worked.

•  Tip jar n/t

  by ChurchofBruce on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 06:13:36 AM PDT

  •  I live in D.C.

    And it's one of the most segregated cities I've ever lived in. The class gap is wide and so is the race gap.

    I do get scared when I'm in the U Street corridor or anywhere on the Northeast side because I've heard about the crime in the areas, and I don't want to be attacked or hurt. I was walking through the Northeast near Gallaudet University with a friend of mine, and I realized we were in a very predominately black area. There was a group of young black teenagers standing in a parking lot, and they all looked at my white friend and I. I'm Hispanic but I look white, so I was very conscious of how I was being perceived. I worried about being attacked, so I told my friend to hurry up, and we walked off quickly. I don't think I've ever felt so scared, and I feel ashamed about it.

    by slinkerwink on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 06:19:04 AM PDT

    •  Good comment

      Very common phenomenon for all of us...

      We are men of action; lies do not become us.

      by ER Doc on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 06:22:08 AM PDT

    •  asdf

      I don't know.  My daughter was in Babes in Toyland at the Apollo Theater that is right in that area. Maybe because I tend to live in my own little bubble, but I didn't notice anyone staring at me when I was walking around that area.  I think a lot of people are just overly self conscious.  My son went to UCF for film.  He was the cameraman for a group of kids doing a documentary on black racism.  He was the only white kid in the group.  They went to a traditional black college to interview some of the faculty and he told me later that he felt that people were staring at him because he was the only white guy on the campus.  I said - well maybe they were all staring at you because you had a huge camera on your shoulder.  And he laughed and said he didn't think of it like that.

      by BDA in VA on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 06:38:40 AM PDT

    •  Being afraid in rough neighborhood isn't racism

      Why the shame?  Rough urban neighborhoods are often dangerous even for the people who call them home.  You always have to keep your guard up in the city.  This is common sense.  There is a difference between assuming that every black person wants to hurt you because you think they are all criminals and being cautious in a strange neighborhood. Not all fear of unknown people of color is evidence of bigotry.  For the record, I find groups of white teens hanging out in parking lots equally unnerving.  This is just the reality of being a woman.

      by cheaplazymom on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:34:21 AM PDT

      •  Well, it's different if you're a woman

        and I understand that.

        Of course, the 'white teens' comment speaks of ageism, which is another problem :-). BTW, the group of black people on the subway in my story weren't all male, weren't all young, and it was about 1 in the afternoon when this happened. This wasn't 'young urban teens at night'.

        by ChurchofBruce on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 09:12:03 AM PDT

•  Similar Experience

  I was waiting in a Harlem subway station many years ago. And while I thought I was a progressive guy with a lot of close friends who were black and brown, I was suddenly struck with being outnumbered and in danger.

  Then I thought that most black people feel like this every day.

  Don't tell me that race doesn't affect ALL of us.

  by JackieandFritz on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 06:20:09 AM PDT

  •  Under normal circumstances (ie, not

    in shady circumstances late at night), I've never felt in danger in minority neighborhoods.  Or, at least, in any more danger than I am in any other neighborhood.

    by burrow owl on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:10:46 AM PDT

•  had similar feelings in Philly

  When I lived in philly after college, I got a great apartment in Germantown. I was the only white person in area.  I found needles on the stoop my first morning.  I was a bit scared.  Even though my parents always said people were equal and I believed it, I could not help being a bit fearful.  

  Soon, I came to love the area.  The people were so nice and friendly to me.  They it was great the white boy was there.  I had some the best times in my life there, though I don't miss the parking (there was hardly any).

  by arogue7 on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 06:22:25 AM PDT

•  Honesty gets you nowhere in this world

  Barack Obama is stirring the pot because he is trying to be honest about feelings that people have and are really trying hard to pretend they don't have. I am a  white person and I am often afraid of black strangers I pass on the street, depending on their looks and demeanor. I am deeply sorry that I feel that way, but there it is. There's no way to know how many other white people share those feelings, since it's totally not acceptable to admit them.

  by lesliet on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 06:32:45 AM PDT

  •  It's safe in our cocoons

    I admit I too am intimidated when alone with AAs I don't know.  But, during the late 60s, I took a carload of white white students to a protest march in Mississippi, and I was scared there too, but not of blacks.  

    by JFinNe on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 06:37:39 AM PDT

  •  Our fear stops us from thinking

    Our fear stops us from using our
    intelligence, to distinguish
    genuine danger from phobic reaction.

    Free will is the power
    and freedom to override a phobic
    reaction and to size up the reality
    of a situation.

    We all have free will, we all have
    that personal power.

    But it's not easy to put it to use,
    and some don't bother trying.

    Keep trying. It takes practice.
    Free will - putting it to use - is
    a skill. One of the arts of living.

    by sumo on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 06:43:15 AM PDT

•  My first

  experience like that was when I was about 8. My best friend at the time invited me to her synogogue for the Purim festivities. She told me bring a costume. Nobody looked at me funny or even questioned why I was there, and when they passed the mike around to ask all the children who they were dressed as, I answered "Queen Esther" like all the other girls (except for one iconoclast who was "Queen Vashti"). But it didn't take me too long to think to myself "wow--I'm the only person here who's not white--nay, not Jewish--this is weird, and pretty uncomfortable--and has never happened to me before"

  Because of the choices I've since made, I'm more often than not the "only person" of my race in most of my daily life. Usually, it's not a threatening situation, but it's sometimes uncomfortable.

  But because I'm not a white or black person, I can find myself in situations where being in a crowd exclusively made up of either race can feel a little odd. In a mixed crowd, though, I can always figure that the blacks and whites would turn on each other first, before getting to me, if it came to that...

  by JMS on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 06:37:47 AM PDT

•  I'm the only white person

  in the child care setting where I work.  I have been in the minority at the agency I work with for the past 9 years.  I've never experienced any racism on the part of my African-American co-workers and now when I'm in any all-white gathering I subconsciously think, "Something is wrong with this picture".
  That said, I grew up in one of the most segregated cities in the US.  My father was overtly racist and took every opportunity to denigrate Black people.  However one thing he taught me was to judge people, situations realistically and to confront your fears and to desensitize yourself to the feared object (with me as a kid it was spiders and heights!). I did student teaching in one of the "worst" schools, in one of the "worst" neighborhoods. I was never threatened or even made to feel unwelcome!  The reality was, the school was very orderly, clean, and the kids were great!
  Yes I do have some trepidation upon coming upon groups of young males looking a certain way, but this applies to young males of any ethnic group!

  by historys mysteries on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 06:42:09 AM PDT

  •  The mrs. works with disadvantaged black

    populations, and she hears racism from them on a regular basis.  That'll happen, though: as BHO noted, the ethical problem arises from material disadvantage.  

    by burrow owl on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:09:19 AM PDT

    •   I tend to agree with this take..

      however, I can only say that I, personally have never encountered any, although I know it exists.

      by historys mysteries on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:11:45 AM PDT

      •  It's pretty vicious.

        My pa'dnah is one of the most bad-ass people I've ever met, because she's been taking that bullshit for years now and it hasn't turned her into a vile person.  Actually, all of her colleagues that she's been with are impressive (they're black or hispanic, so they don't get the steady barrage of racism from the black clientele, but it's still amazing that they're all sane, grounded people after all that.)

        by burrow owl on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:18:48 AM PDT

•  I went to a college that was 98% white

  I used to get angry when my white friends were afraid when we go to a black student function (step show). They would always ask me if someone was going to attack them. I'd respond by saying that's what I see everyday and I don't have a choice. The funny thing was my black friends thought the white guys were there to cause trouble. I remeber falling on the floor laughing. I got us in a small circle and told them what they said about each other. The looks were priceless. We all were laughing at that point. The one thing most white people don't realize is they can virtually remove all significant black contact from their lives and blacks can't. Some choose to hide from us and not even realize it. Most of the black people I know think most white people don't care because they don't reach out to us. How many people really try to reach out to the other race? Or do they only reach out only when it is easy?

  by tired of the same on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:00:06 AM PDT

  •  you are so right

    As a white person, I have the luxury of not being aware of my race.  I'm not judged at the store that I may steal something simply because I'm a different color, etc.  It takes work to place yourself in the shoes of someone of color that may be in a similar situation as the diarist only in reverse.  And even then, I'll truly never know what it's like; I can only  have open-mindedness, empathy and the awareness that the man in the story obviously showed the diarist.  

    What a wonderful opportunity we have to talk honestly about race.  Obama gave us that gift.

    Great diary!
     

    by bijoudesigncom on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:52:53 AM PDT

•  I'm in all-black 'hoods fairly regularly

  to visit friends.  I grew up in suburbia w/ no black kids, went to an elite college with not too many people of color, but I don't get those moments.  

  by burrow owl on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:06:43 AM PDT

  •  I'm the father of three black children...

    and the husband of a black woman.  I've lived a good bit of my life in sub-saharan africa.  I teach a course on the dynamics of racism and hate.  Most of my friends are not white.

    And I DO still get those moments.  It's all well and good for folks to publicly profess color-blindness, the "right" kind of upbringing, and an ability to wander into "the hood" once or twice in their lives, but until we dig deep and confront the sub-concious conditioning about which the diarist writes, we'll never be able to confront the race issue in this country.

    And as a dad, I've seen that the insidious,ignorant, pollyanna, liberal brand of racism that is denied by many on this site over the past week is absolutely the most damaging my kids face.

    by bogbud on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:17:56 AM PDT

    •  I don't know why people would;

      my working assumption is that most people are like me: they just want to get to point B w/o getting hassled too much.  

      by burrow owl on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:19:50 AM PDT

    •  I disagree with your model of repairing

      racial problems.  I don't think we get anywhere by the confessional model.  Best case scenario is that people are temporarily more honest about their thoughts.  The real problem is the material conditions that are the basis for these thoughts and perceptions.  eg, rather than rushing to the confessional, we should be focused on material inequality, on fixing lousy neighborhoods, and on improving education.

      by burrow owl on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:29:08 AM PDT

•  I'd be dishonest to myself

  if I didn't admit to similar feelings.  I have to kick myself mentally every time it happens.  It really has been conditioned into a lot of white society to react this way.  God I wish it would stop.

  by madmsf on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:10:43 AM PDT

•  yes, it is learned, and can be unlearned

  and part of unlearning is learning to speak up.  

  I will tell a tale on myself, one of which I am proud of lying.

  It was 4:30 on a Saturday morning on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, circa 1968 or 1969.  I had come out of the bar where i worked part time on E. 79th Street where I worked parttime, and hailed a cab to take me home to Brooklyn Heights.   The cabby immediately started with a racist screed.   It went on for about 5 minutes, and I decided I had had enough.   I interrupted him.

  Me: "Do you know what an Octaroon is?"

  Him: "No, is that some kind of cookie, like a maracoon?"

  Me:  "no, it's a person who is 1/8 Black.  My father's maternal grandmother was black."

  I heard him suck in his breath, and looked as his eyes stared in his rear view mirror, trying to see m face, and wondering what I might be about to do to him.

  For the rest of the trip, about 15 minutes, he did not say a word.

  I sincerely doubt I changed his racism. But I suspect he might have become at least a little more careful about spouting his racist rhetoric.

  I lied.  I lied deliberately.   It was th most effective way I could think of shutting his filthy mouth.

  Peace.

  by teacherken on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:18:31 AM PDT

•  No $#^t!

  I sympathize. Everytime I field a question from a white person - a question that other Indians may see as insulting, too personal and outright stupid, I credit the person for atleast asking- instead of coming to their own conclusions.

  What the guy in your story did was amazing. Maybe many whites will reject his friendly overtures. Maybe some blacks will misuse that situation. But when two people reach out with sincerity, something wonderful happens.

  by imported beer on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:35:05 AM PDT

•  Expectations

  I thought this was a thought-provoking diary, thank you for writing it.

  a few years back I lived (in my white skin) in a predominately black neighborhood. I never had any problems there. I expected to never have problems. I had a roommate move in (another white woman) who was much more afraid of people with other skin colors, etc., and she had CONSTANT problems with harrassment, etc.

  Made me realize that we often get what we expect.

  I have also had the interesting experience of being the only white employee at a business. It did not escape my notice even then as an 18 year old however that I and the OWNERS had white skin, which makes a great deal of difference. I never had any problems with my fellow employees.

  people who are not white folk deal with the "invisible knapsack" of racism on a minute by minute basis that those of us (including me) who have never experienced it cannot possibly understand completely.

  my point is: as my new hero Obama points out, if we stop thinking of it as "us and them" but stay mindful that it really is "WE" it might go a long way to, well, make a difference!

  by make a difference on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:56:57 AM PDT