The Clinton Codex: Bill and Hillary's Rules of Procedure
Mon Mar 03, 2008 at 03:42:35 PM PDT
Fittingly, this diary begins with a fairy tale.
Once upon a time, a strapping young knight named Bill Clinton donned his suit of shining armor and saved the Democratic Party by slaying the two-left-winged dragon of McGovernism. In return, the grateful Barons of the Beltway elevated him and his consort, Lady Hillary, to the status of royalty and awarded them the Democratic Party as their personal fiefdom. They renamed it Clintonshire.
The rest of the story is beneath the fold...
Instead of being thankful for the peace and prosperity the Clintons brought to Clintonshire, some of the rabble, led a wild-eyed Dean, started an insurrection. With the help–and not inconsiderable gold--of the barons, they defeated the rebels.
Shaken by the experience, Lord and Lady Clinton built a bigger wall around Clintonshire, with stronger gates–-which some of the villagers managed to crash anyway. Matters grew worse yet when a young knight named Obama became the leader of the rebels.
Enraged by their subjects' lack of gratitude, Lord and Lady Clinton decided to lay down the law. They told the villagers that new rules were needed for the peace and good order of the realm, and warned them that if they failed to obey, the dragon would come back to terrorize them.
Those rules, known as the Clinton Codex, read as follows (I took the liberty of translating them from medieval Law French into recognizable English):
Rule 1. We'll get to that in a moment.
Rule 2. Having saved the Democratic Party from the Left, the Clintons are entitled to our gratitude.
Rule 3. Party rules are malleable. The must be read in light of their overall purpose: to protect the Clintons from the rabble.
Rule 4. Critics of the Clintons are motivated by misogyny, hatred, or both.
Rule 5. Because the Clintons' ends are so noble, the means they choose are always justified.
Rule 6. A Clinton never makes a bad decision. Some, however, are misunderstood by the ignorant.
Rule 7. Being political insiders and having political insiders as friends, the Clintons understand ordinary Democrats better than anyone.
Rule 8. Triangulation is good, not evil. The Clintons know the best way to fight the right wing is to co-opt its agenda.
Rule 9. If it comes to that, the Clintons must destroy their political opponents in order to save them. They know you will understand.
Rule 10. Your calendar is lying. It is still 1992 and the ghost of Michael Dukakis will fly out of the political crypt unless the Clintons act to save us [see Rule 2].
Rule 11. If there is a difference between the normal meaning of a word and the meaning intended by a Clinton, the normal meaning is incorrect.
Rule 12(a). No price is too high to pay for "making history." Rule 12(b). Only Hillary Clinton can make history.
Rule 13. Every misfortune that befalls a Clinton is the fault of someone else, not them.
Rule 14. Bill and Hillary Clinton are the same person, except when it is politically inexpedient to conflate them.
Rule 15. Political parties are built from the top down. The role of the rank-and-file is to be led. By the Clintons, of course.
Rule 16. Hillary Clinton got to where she is strictly on merit. Had she married someone else she would still be presidential material.
Rule 17. The purpose of the media is to distribute the Clintons' talking points. To the extent they do not, they are biased.
Rule 18. Political wisdom is a function of Washington experience and access to large contributors. By those criteria, the Clintons are all-seeing and all-knowing.
Rule 19. Following poll numbers is the highest form of principle.
Rule 20. A First Lady is co-president when her husband succeeds, but only has a ceremonial role when he fails.
The Necessary and Proper Clause. All of these rules are subject to change at the sole discretion of the Clintons.
Now, Back to the Real World
There is, of course, no Clintonshire; Bill and Hillary are commoners, just like the rest of us; and there are no Clinton's Rules of Procedure: they are governed by the same laws as everyone else.
But the Clintons are acting as though the Democratic Party is their personal fiefdom and they are a law unto themselves. In the process, they are engaging in desperate and destructive behavior–hardly what they had mind when Hillary said she would "make history." Or perhaps it was: she warned us early on that she was "in it to win it." Now we know what the Clintons are willing to do to win it.
Their behavior in the primary campaign is hardly reminiscent of the heroes and heroines of bygone days. Instead, they're more like Tom and Daisy Buchanan of The Great Gatsby. F. Scott Fitzgerald's description of that couple fits the Clintons to a T:
"They were careless people, Tom and Daisy--they smashed up things and creatures and retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made."
The post-Clinton era of Democratic politics cannot arrive soon enough.
Permalink | 40 comments