Hillary: I Love Nascar, Looney Tunes T-Shirts, Larry the Cable Guy
Sun Apr 13, 2008 at 06:23:34 AM PDT
As we all know, in recent days, Barack Obama said of small town voters who are disillusioned and bitter about government, that, "they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations."
The next day, Hillary Clinton used every opportunity to slam Obama and to beef up her own working class credentials, saying, "You know, my dad took me out behind the cottage that my grandfather built on a little lake called Lake Winola outside of Scranton and taught be how to shoot when I was a little girl."
Later in the day, sensing she was on to a winner, Clinton continued in the same vein, stating, "and, you know, another thing is that I absolutely love Nascar. The ways the cars go real fast around the track and are really loud, I love that. And you know, I've never been to a Nascar race, but I watch them all on TV. Yeah, on the TV down at my mechanic's place. They usually have it on when I go down there."
This admission came as a surprise to the 2,000 Pennsylvanians who had gathered to see her at Central Middle School in Lancaster, who both applauded politely and looked around with confusion. During the question and answer session, a young soldier wearing a Tasmanian Devil shirt stood and asked Hillary what she thought about lowering the drinking age to 18.
"Well, you know," said Hillary, "first of all let me say I love your shirt. That guy is hilarious. With all those symbols %**$*@&^*!! that he's always saying when he's mad! And you know, it's funny, the mudflaps on my limo, the one we drive around in, I made them put Yosemite Sam decals on the mudflaps. I just love those things. I think my opponent once said that he doesn't watch cartoons. Well, I do. I just love them."
She continued, in response to the part of the question about beer, "Yes, right, well look, I love beer. I drink it pretty much all the time. I wish I could drink in the car. I certainly drink on the plane. And forget about it if I'm smoking. You know, I have one Marlboro Red and it's like, 'hey give me a beer!' And you know, if it was up to me, we'd have beer everywhere. Cause, you know, well, my opponent has stated that he likes juice and water and things that are healthy but my opinion is that Americans like beer, it's who we are, so I think we should all be able to drink beer, as much as went. Whenever. Any age."
This shocking admission came just as audience members were starting to exit from the auditorium, whispering in hushed, conspiratorial tones. Later in the evening, at an event in Harrisburg, Clinton was asked another question about animal rights abuses and her position on using fur in clothing.
"Well, you know, I'm against it. I'm against fur coats and jackets and things, but you know, I'm against it if you have to buy it. If you trap the animal, if you go into the woods and trap a fox, which I've done, well, which I still do, it's what I'm doing tomorrow if anyone wants to come with me, but if you do that, then I think it's okay. And let me say that our laws need to reflect that. And you know, okie noodling, you know, where you catch catfish with your finger in muddy streams, that's something else that I think is great. I do that sometimes. And that's another law that should be changed, because I don't think you need a fishing license to go noodling. You know? It's just your finger. I would push for a change there."
The audience, who had heard reports of Clinton's earlier rally, were now intrigued by this side of Clinton and began asking her all manner of questions relating to the working class and small-town hobbies she seemed so willing to embrace. A few excerpts from the rest of the evening:
"...I mean, well, that is clearly an instance where operating farm machinery while intoxicated shouldn't be illegal..."
"...well, obviously, my opponent thinks that having jobs shipped overseas and migrant workers coming in and competing for jobs leads to anti-immigrant sentiment, but I know that you all love the people coming up here from Mexico, you embrace them, I know I do, I learned Spanish last night. Es mucho divertido!"
"...and you know, I used to have a business selling sweet corn and tomatoes from my garden out of the back of a flatbed truck on the side of the road and I think it's important to continue to let small farmers operate like that with fewer restrictions..."
"...Who here watches COPS like, every night? I mean, have you noticed that they just went to HD? How great is that?"
"...Well, I wouldn't say that Larry the Cable Guy is on the short list for VP, but I would say that a President has a pretty big Cabinet, so maybe there's something we could figure out..."
(psst - none of this ever happened, obviously. it's just a joke.)
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