Different, not Deficient

I am sure by now there have been many diaries reporting the reaction to Reverend Wright's recent media plays. I am not going to debate whether this is good or bad for Obama, because I think as we all are figuring out, that no matter what, the future cannot be read in this primary and out of good comes the bad and vice versa.  I have given up trying to predict the outcome of any gaffe or controversy because we are playing right now with two very different Democratic candidates.  Both candidates have attributes that I admire and certain political characteristics that give me pause...but that's for another diary, not today.

The one thing I will agree on is that you cannot judge one individual upon what another individual (no matter the closeness of the relationship) states.  I can no more hold Wright against Obama, regardless of his more controversial tone, than I can hold Bill Clinton against Hillary Clinton regardless of his dismissive rhetoric.

And this is why....

One of my best friends is a fellow that I have known for over 9 years. His name is Joel  He has been one of the most loyal and giving characters in my life and will be my fiance's best man at our wedding. When I think of the definition of a "friend", he instantly pops into my head because he has always been supportive and never has let us down.  He has helped us move houses, has doggy sat, spends many late Saturday nights hanging out with us and shares his own trials and tribulations with us. He is solid, a solid character and a solid friend.

He is a Republican, as republican as you can possibly get.  He comes from Wyoming whereas my Californian roots are firmly planted in a more liberal ideology.  He loves hunting, owns two rifles and belongs to the NRA.  He is anti abortion (though I think I may have convinced him that to be pro abortion is not necessarily anti life), still holds a slight loyalty to Bush (even though he is not as quick to defend anymore), laughs at "hippies", "yuppies", and any latte drinking, prius driving liberal. He and I have spent many hours going back and forth regarding our political views.  He has stumped me at times, and I have returned the favor.  He watches FOX news religiously and believes that MoveOn.org should just "move on" out of this country. I watch Olbermann, Cafferty, Stewart and Colbert religiously and cannot wait until Limbaugh & Rove are abducted out of this world. He is devoutly Christian and most of his social morals derive from his interpretation of Christianity. I am agnostic and have a more skeptical view of organized religion.

He has made statements many times that make my sensitive liberal blood boil.  Many times I have looked at him with an incredulous look of "Are you f***ing kidding me...were you just born yesterday?"  He looks at me as though somehow I have allowed the Berkeleyesqe, Birkenstock wearing views, drivel into my sense of reality, that I have no idea how the world works and how to work the world. He has stated controversial things regarding immigrants, woman's rights, and gun rights. I have offended his moral conscience by arguing back that religion should not dictate our laws, that common goodness and care for others should be the rule to which we measure each person's rights.  I argue that his rights end where another's begins. ...and we usually argue ourselves out, primarily because we realize, yet once again, that we are just different.  

Sometimes I think that when we debate people, and we try very feverishly to convince them that we are correct, we negate the possibility that we are just different. We forget that we could both be right, because I have no inkling as to where their opinions come from, I have not walked a day in their shoes.  I cannot accurately say that if I grew up in their environment, with those they grew up with, that I might be any different.  And does this effect how good they are?  Sure they believe in different ideas, but truly, is this a fair way to judge people on their goodness? Joel grew up in a very conservative household, with his father being the rock in which his political views were built.  I grew up in a non political and non religious household, so morality through religion and staunch supporting of either party was not prevailant.

I would dare anybody to ever judge me, or where I stand by his statements or beliefs.  That simply would not be fair.  Yes, I surround myself with his friendship, because he has been a friend to me, a loyal and solid friend.  We agree on very little politically, but if that were the ruler I use to measure my friendships, than I would be missing out on some great relationships.

So I ask you, sincerely, is being different from you a deficiency.  Or is it just insight into our personal biographies.

•  Hmm.

  Belittling someone for simply holding a view different from your own is a terrible thing - as we're seeing constantly these days in the Primaries.  Problem is, in politics, one side ends up winning, the other losing.  Your friend may have been satisfied with the political situation the last 7 years while you were not.  Your friend may be very dissatisfied with the political situation coming up while you'll probably be fairly satisfied.

  I think the biggest point to be learned from your story is getting along after all the fuss is over.  That's something we're not really seeing much of these days, though I think it's getting better out there.

  by pakaal on Mon Apr 28, 2008 at 03:50:14 PM PDT