WE'RE DOOOOOOOOOMED!

It's over! Barack is down 70 points in every poll! Reverend Wright is on every TV station 24-7 with ominous music playing, just like on 9/11/01! The superdelegates are fleeing like rats off a sinking ship! Hillary is dancing! McCain is salivating! The world hates us! Karl Rove has had his revenge!

We're going to lose Indiana by 40 points! We're going to lose North Carolina by 50 points! We're going to lose Wisconsin by 80 points! I know they already voted, but it doesn't matter! We're going to lose it anyway! Somehow! Watch!

Where did all the money go? Obama has gotten only five donations in the last week! He's got sixteen dollars cash and $100 million in debt! The IRS is after him! The FEC is after him! The KGB and CIA and DIA and UFOs are after him!

He can't bowl! He hogs the ball! Whites think he's Willie Horton! Blacks think he's Bill Cosby! Every word he says sounds like two bricks rubbing together! He's tired! He's boring! He's lost his fire!

OH NO! A GAFFE! A BLOOPER! AN ERROR! A FLUB! A MISTAKE! He's not the Messiah, and now everyone's gonna KNOW!

Unless he does EXACTLY what I suggest in this well-thought out and detailed Daily Kos diary, his campaign is RUINED. He and Axelrod will be SWALLOWED INTO THE SEA. BUT, if they do EXAXTLY what I say, he'll win in a LANDSLIDE and be the greatest President we've had since Jefferson!

Don't call me a troll! I am not a troll! Really! I just have these, you know, concerns.

•  STFU before I throw you under a bus! n/t

  by catnap1972 on Tue Apr 29, 2008 at 01:48:20 PM PDT

•  Of course

  I could just get a grip and get back to work, but it's much more productive to post a diary.

  by maxomai on Tue Apr 29, 2008 at 01:49:50 PM PDT

  •  Non diary, you never provided your armchair

    suggestions for just what must be done immediately, or Hillary will take over the world!

    by second gen on Tue Apr 29, 2008 at 01:52:05 PM PDT

    •  Oh, right.

      Well, here they are.

      1 He needs to wear some Aviator glasses and a bomber jacket.  

      2 He needs to change his campaign song to "Too Legit To Quit" by Hammer.

      3 He needs to give Axelrod a damn makeover, because, jeez.

      That will put him 100 points ahead of Hillary (who will go into actual negative poll numbers).

      by maxomai on Tue Apr 29, 2008 at 01:56:12 PM PDT

  •  The proper response to

    We're dooooooooooooooooomed is
    Bite my shiny metal ass. :D  

    by pgm 01 on Tue Apr 29, 2008 at 01:56:51 PM PDT

•  damn concern snarks

  I long for the good old days of purity snarks, and even plain old undifferentiated snarks.

  by N in Seattle on Tue Apr 29, 2008 at 01:54:03 PM PDT

•  The WI comment has me LMFAO. n/t

  by krwlngwthyou on Tue Apr 29, 2008 at 01:59:21 PM PDT

•  You're

  lucky someone borrowed my bus, else

  :))

  by jbjowe on Tue Apr 29, 2008 at 02:00:17 PM PDT

•  You made my day!

  by liquidstoke on Tue Apr 29, 2008 at 02:07:54 PM PDT

•  This is "NO" laughing matter.

  We "ARE" befuckled."No" hope! GBCW! cap "lock" not working?@%$%%noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

  by woodstock007 on Tue Apr 29, 2008 at 02:11:49 PM PDT

•  Doomed. All Doomed. Every last one of us...

  n/t

  by BlueDWarrior on Tue Apr 29, 2008 at 02:23:16 PM PDT

•  You made me upchuck my lunch.

  The mental image of Hillary dancing was too much for my tummy.

  by edg on Tue Apr 29, 2008 at 02:41:28 PM PDT