I cried for Barack Obama Yesterday

Reading DK diaries yesterday, I saw a lot of different views on the recent Jeremiah Wright incident.  I also saw many people wondering how black people felt about it.

So I've decided to share an IM conversation between myself (black, educated female) and a good friend of mine (black, educated male).

Of course, we are only a snapshot of a portion of the black community, but I'm hopeful that this will give you some perspective on how some of us feel.

Black folks are not monolithic...we don't all agree, we don't all disagree...but those of us who grew up with one foot in the black community and one foot in the 'assimilated' white community live a dual life.

Though I wrote a diary early on about the essence of duality, it was not read by many, and I think it's important to talk about because it's REAL.

Please excuse the poor grammar and colorful language... that's what happens in private conversations. :)

ambboogie's friend (AF):how did his speech go 3:01 PM
ambboogie: man, i just got done crying to one of my white co-workers about it 4:30 PM  
AF: I missed it unfortunately. cant stream 4:30 PM
ambboogie:basically saying that Wright disrespected his campaign and everything that hes trying to do 4:30 PM
ambboogie: making a caricature out of himself 4:30 PM    
AF: basically 4:30 PM    
ambboogie: etc. etc. 4:30 PM
ambboogie: and it's true 4:30 PM
AF: basically 4:31 PM
ambboogie: but I was crying about the fact that one
we have 2 black men who respected each other at one point fighting on a national stage and 2, it invokes in me the fact that black folks live in 2 worlds  
AF: yup.
Ambboogie: i cried because i feel like Barack Obama
you can't do what you're supposed to do
w/o being dragged into a barrell  
you speak well you talk white  
AF: exactly
Ambboogie: you try to be moderate about things
you are trying to be white
AF: :: hugs :: pretty much baby 4:32 PM
Ambboogie:I cried because I felt the pain he had to go through 4:32 PM
and I hate it 4:32 PM    
AF: we have to do ti everrrryday 4:32 PM  
Ambboogie: I know man 4:32 PM
AF: like a tug of war 4:32 PM
Ambboogie: caus eI already see what's happening 4:32 PM
some people are mad as fugg at him  4:32 PM
for saying what Wright forced him to say 4:32 PM
and i'm like WDF he forced his hand 4:32 PM
I watched Wright and I didn't necessarily disagree with him.. but it was mad unprofessional and very selfish 4:33 PM
he was performing foreal 4:33 PM
and it was mad disrespectful 4:33 PM
AF: I pretty much agreed with everything wright said. 4:33 PM
but 4:33 PM
Ambboogie:  
it wouldn't have been that big a deal if he was in the privacy of his congregation 4:33 PM
but Barck Obama isn't running for city council 4:33 PM
he's running for mothafuggin president 4:33 PM
AF:there is a time and place.... and basically because of his ego, he is shotting down everything all of us are trying to accomplish 4:33 PM
Ambboogie:  that's exactly what I tol dmy white friend 4:33 PM
there's a time and a place 4:34 PM
and he felt the need to posture like someone gives a fugg 4:34 PM
AF:  total posturing.... 4:34 PM
i mean throwing up the hooks at a press conference? 4:34 PM
seriously? 4:34 PM
AF:  typical example of people not understand that some things.. are bigger than them 4:34 PM
Ambboogie: I told her how he reminds me of my grandfather who talks about mulattos and niggas and shyt all day long 4:34 PM
I laugh at his ass and don't take him seriously 4:34 PM
but he might offend someone he don't know quite easily 4:35 PM
AF: right 4:35 PM
Ambboogie: Jeremiah Wright is my crazy coot ass grandfather 4:35 PM
AF:he is everybodies old crazy uncle 4:35 PM
who doesnt give a fugg 4:35 PM
Ambboogie: my dad said that they made Pat Buchananshut the fugg up when Bush was running 4:35 PM
cause if Buchanan was on the stump 4:35 PM
he would have lost 4:35 PM
AF: riht 4:35 PM
Ambboogie: They told him to shut the fugg up and he did 4:35 PM
AF: because pat buchanon is like the posterboy 4:35 PM
you know negroz aint shuttin the fugg up 4:36 PM
its always about us. 4:36 PM
never the movement a s awhole 4:36 PM
which is exactly why we are where we are 4:36 PM
Ambboogie: right 4:36 PM
i already see posts on daily kos about Uncle Tom Obama 4:36 PM
like seriously? 4:36 PM
he didn't even DENOUNCE Rev. Wright in my opinion... he clearly stated in terms thta he doesn't agree with him and thinks he has a different agenda 4:37 PM
he acknowledged that their relationship will not be the same 4:37 PM
AF: yeah. it's a pretty fugged up day for politics and the black movement as a whole 4:37 PM
Ambboogie: Like.. Jeremiah Wright coulda left it at the Bill Moyers interview 4:37 PM
it was a good interview 4:37 PM
AF: on a high note 4:37 PM
Ambboogie: but he had to let his ego get the best of him 4:37 PM  
and that hurt my feelings 4:37 PM
AF: then he come out the next day tlaking bout who else wanna fugg wiht hollywood cole 4:37 PM
ya know the sad part... is that if we lose this.... it wouldnt be because of "white"folks 4:38 PM
Ambboogie:  
right 4:38 PM
it will be because of US 4:38 PM
AF: the masses are going to be what they are... simple 4:38 PM
Ambboogie:   well like I told my white friend 4:38 PM
AF:  WE lost it 4:38 PM
Ambboogie:extremism for ANYONE is unacceptable 4:39 PM

•  I know how you feel, every bit of it...

  It's too bad there aren't more Roland Martins to point these things out to the press.  They're playing the 'race card' and don't know or don't care.

  by Denni on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 06:57:31 AM PDT

  •  Thank you for sharing this

    by snackdoodle on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 06:59:52 AM PDT

    •  Thanks for

      taking the time out to read it.

      by Ambboogie on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 07:00:34 AM PDT

      •  I have really been worried there are 23 million

        AA of voting age we need everyone out for Obama, we need your help to make this happen.

        by snackdoodle on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 06:45:55 PM PDT

  •  Exactly

    and I was watching CNN this morning and the anchor likened it to a STREET FIGHT...

    like... really? you're going to liken 2 black men to the american public as having a STREET Fight?

    Sometimes I just want to go to sleep for a long time. :(

    by Ambboogie on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 07:00:15 AM PDT

•  Those of us that have mixed backgrounds

  can sympathize, I think. There are many worlds in this world, and all of them are equally real... and in many cases mutually exclusive/in tension with one another.

  I grew up hearing my parents fight, not because they hated each other, but because for each of them the world was a very, very different place than it was for the other, and each of them had very different conceptions of what is "common sense, the way it obviously should be, just plain moral and decent."

  They were both very caring, very judicious, very ethical people... yet their ethical compasses were in conflict quite often.

  Happily, more and more the western world is full of people who have more than one culture under their belt. My parents had five kids. That's five more people who straddle "cultural boundaries." And we are all married across still other cultural boundaries. My own wife is mixed as well, but two completely separate backgrounds from mine. Our kids will straddle four cultures.

  All of my 20-something and 30-something friends are also married across cultural lines. Not a single couple that is "pure white," "pure black," "pure Asian," or "pure latino."

  This is why Obama is feeling generational... He is resonating with something that is a very real part of very many lives: the emergence of a true multiculturalism, and the sense of how unfair the cultural battles of the past and present can be for everyone involved.

  by nobody at all on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 07:00:24 AM PDT

  •  Well said. n/t

    by Ambboogie on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 07:01:24 AM PDT

  •  So true.

    He speaks to something that many of us are dealing with.  And the "dealing" is starting to become not so big a deal any longer.  

    by tjb22 on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 07:34:56 AM PDT

•  Trapped?

  I really felt for both Obama and Wright yesterday.

  Yes, Wright was selfish and egotistical by not leaving the Moyers interview stand by itself.

  And Obama was right to come out and try to stop things....

  Now, Wright is in a difficult position. Is Wright going to be quiet so that Obama can achieve what no black has ever achieved? Is Wright going to be quiet so Obama can prove that "blacks aren't incompetent" or "blacks aren't simple-minded"?

  Or is Wright going to say, "This is America, folks. Wake up!" ?  Is he going to play "field slave" vs. "house slave" games?

  Wright has been disrespected. The question is whether he is man enough to simply stay quiet, rather than insist on being heard as a man.

  Tough choice. I hope he chooses well....

  by TheOpinionGuy on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 07:05:28 AM PDT

•  Thanks for sharing

  As an AA female, I feel the same way and had a somewhat similar conversation with my family yesterday. A sad day, but Obama's actions were necessary.

  it invokes in me the fact that black folks live in 2 worlds...we have to do ti everrrryday.

  So sad and so true. It's harder to do than most people realize.

  i mean throwing up the hooks at a press conference?

  When Wright threw up the hooks, I was furious and embarrassed. It's antics like that that feed the negative stereotyping of AAs.

  by Kelly of PA on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 07:07:01 AM PDT

  •  I meannn!

    I'm in a sorority so when i saw that, I not only felt bad for america and black folks, but for members of BGLOs!

    by Ambboogie on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 07:13:23 AM PDT

    •  I don't know if poeple outide of

      the AA community get what he was actually doing, aside from acting like an ass. But that definitely caused me to say "Oh no he didn't."  

      by Kelly of PA on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 07:19:57 AM PDT

      •  throw up the hooks

        What does that mean exactly? I have no idea ...

        by Katydid on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 08:17:07 AM PDT

        •  It is a hand gesture

          used by a particular black greek organization.  Jeremiah Wright is a member of that organization and used it to reinforce his machismo and grandstanding.

          by Ambboogie on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 10:37:29 AM PDT

•  Thanks.

  This sounds like the discussion between my husband and son yesterday. Interestingly enough, my son, the recent college grad, was the one disappointed in Obama. My husband, the sixty-year old, was defending Obama. There is a lot of pain over this.

  The three of us watched the Moyer's show and the Detroit NAACP appearance and came away impressed with Wright. Now we are conflicted.

  This election is critical. The bottom line is there will be more efforts to smear Obama. There can be no doubt that the media establishment feels threatened by this grass roots movement. There are a lot of White voters looking for a reason not to vote for a Black candidate. This will get worse before it gets better.

  by blindyone on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 07:07:09 AM PDT

  •  I think many people thought his Moyers interview

    and the NAACP speech were pretty good and put Wright in a much better light. I think Obama thought so too, as he said the interview helped "smooth out the edges".

    If only he had stopped there, and not gone on to the press club appearance. His speech was OK, but he was getting into some controversial territory with it as well. Then the Q&A session was just a disaster -- his answers, his tone, his gestures, his body language. It's like a switch went off and he just blew it  --- even though many still agree with much of what he has said and recognize and praise the service and accomplishments he has made in his career (as Obama also talked about), he made the decision, against the advice of many others close to him, to do the Q&A and obviously didn't prepare any answers or attempt to control himself. He just screwed himself and Obama in about 15 minutes. It was painful to watch. He was selfish and stupid. He knows the political vulnerabilities Obama is up against at this critical time in this critical and historical election, and he didn't care -- he thought of himself and nobody else. He deserves recognition for his accomplishments and positive contributions (he earned it), but he doesn't deserve to be defended for what he chose to do on Monday morning. Anybody who does is being as selfish and short-sighted as Wright was. To not see how detrimental and hurtful this was to Obama, personally and politically in a campaign for President of the United States for pete's sake, is unbelievably self-centered and narrow-minded -- unable to see the big picture of what Obama and his campaign is trying to accomplish for all of us. It just boggles my mind to hear people defend Wright and rail against Obama for the stand he had a right to take and was understandably necessary under the circumstances. He gave Wright more than one chance to preserve their relationship, and he blew it.

    by Kim from Pgh PA on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 07:30:09 AM PDT

    •  The thing is we shouldn't be in

      this situation where we have to choose between these two men. They each have extraordinary accomplishments in their lives. Obama should not be smeared by his association with Wright. Wright should not be held to the same standards as a presidential candidate.

      It is almost like a cockfight where the two birds are placed in a confined space and prodded into fighting for our amusement. Yeah, Wright showed bad judgement. But this was a set up.

      I just hope that Obama's supporters don't believe that this is over. If if wasn't Wright, it would have been something else.  

      by blindyone on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 07:44:35 AM PDT

•  Thank you for posting this

  I worry about my perceptions about the Wright speech, as I am white. I agreed with what he said, just not the timing of it. That is the problem with situations like this, talented, thoughtful people get reduced to shadows of themselves - and are kicked aside.

  By the way, I noticed you included "educated" in your and your friend’s description. Do people automatically assume if you describe yourself as a black (male or female) you are uneducated? I have a hard time understand the stupidity of anybody who would make that assumption about you.

  by Chris Ortolano on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 07:09:41 AM PDT

  •  Oh no..

    I was following the narrative.

    you know...

    latte drinkers - obama supporters
    working class, low educated whites - hillary supporters

    and so on and so on.

    I was simply giving context, not assuming that people would think I was uneducated.

    I should have also added that I'm an Independent and my friend is a recovering Republican-now Independent.

    by Ambboogie on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 07:15:20 AM PDT

    •  Got it...

      As my wife would say: "stay within the group."

      For the record I can't stand Lattes or Hillary.

      by Chris Ortolano on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 09:05:11 AM PDT

•  Me too

  Only difference I am a 48 year old white woman completely inspired by the campaign and words of Barack Obama and the unbelievable character assassination of the last month.

  I could not believe he had to denounce Wright, although I understood why he had to.  The pain on his face was as clear as day.  The betrayal he felt was pretty evident too.

  Therefore I cried through most of his news conference.  I cannot believe during this day and this time with such an inspirational candidate this man had to go through such personal pain to make a break with his Pastor on national television.

  I guess what I want you to know is even though this has been a horrible experience as an Obama supporter, some of us can realize that even if you sit in a pew and listen to someone controversial they don't necessarily speak for you and you can still hear the words that make you closer to God. Obama's relationship with Christ is obvious if you listen to his ideas for our country.  He believes in Christian principles.  In some way Reverand Wright should be applauded for that as much as his words can be criticized.

  I'm glad he gave his news conference and he will make an excellent president so keep the faith, in God and in obama.

  by stitch813 on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 07:11:50 AM PDT

•  me too . eom

  by Snowcat on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 07:14:50 AM PDT

•  Great post. Yes I wish Wright would have

  left it at the Moyers' interview.  That really put my mind at ease.  

  by ObamaManiac2008 on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 08:03:34 AM PDT

•  The Rev. Wright ain't leavin

  you know that he's going to get major media play out of this. he's too entertaining, shocking, and outrageous.

  i see regular cable news pundit gigs in his future speaking for "all of black america"

  ps; how do you sign up for that gig?

  by barackoblogger on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 02:47:32 PM PDT

  •  I'm saying

    I'd be a popular black pundit.. I have maybe... 75% more restraint than Jeremiah Wright. lol

    I'm afraid I'd tell someone to "STFU with that BOOOLSHYT" on camera.

    by Ambboogie on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 02:52:37 PM PDT

    •  :0

      by barackoblogger on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 03:18:33 PM PDT

•  This is very valuable insight...

  I'm feeling a little stoned at the moment...I took too much pain medication, but I think I had this kind of conversation with myself about how to internalize what happened with Wright.

  He's a good man...but his ideas are not germane to the political debate we are having.

  Ambi...you are one of my favorite people here.  

  Thanks.

  by David Kroning on Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 04:13:49 PM PDT