Millbank channels Monty Python: Hillary is an Ex-parrot!

How over is it for Hillary?  Well  Dana Milbank's Washington Post column resorts to Monty Python's Parrot Sketch to describe the state of Hillary's campaign

7:30 p.m., South Hall, Charleston Convention Center: the networks declare Clinton the winner of the primary...all of 89 Clinton supporters have arrived so far. ...At the Charleston victory celebration, McAuliffe charges up to the lectern. "Hillary Clinton is in this to the end," he tells the crowd. "She's going to Denver as the nominee!"
...
Customer: "He's not pining! He's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! . . . His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible! This is an ex-parrot!"

Not bad Dana, but I think Python's oevure is replete with even more apt analgoies for the state of  Ms. Clinton's Candidacy

Fer example,   I think the entire primary contest can more or less ca be be summarized by the "duel " between Arthur and the Black Knight in Holy Grail if you merely change a few names

Hillary Clinton : None shall pass.
Obama: What?
Hillary Clinton : None shall pass.
Obama: I have no quarrel with you, good Candidate, but I must get this nomination.
Hillary Clinton : Then you shall die.
Obama: I command you, to stand aside!
Hillary Clinton : I move for no man.
Obama: So be it!
Obama and Hillary Clinton :  Aaah!, hiyaah!, etc.
[Obama chops the Hillary Clinton 's left arm off]

Obama: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
Hillary Clinton : 'Tis but a scratch.
Obama:  A scratch? Your arm's off!
Hillary Clinton : No, it isn't.
Obama:  Well, what's that, then?
Hillary Clinton : I've had worse.
Obama: You liar!
Hillary Clinton : Come on, you pansy!
[clang] Huyah! [clang] Hiyaah! [clang] Aaaaaaaah!
[Obama chops the Hillary Clinton 's right arm off]
Obama: Victory is mine!
[kneeling]
We thank Thee Lord, that in Thy mer--
Hillary Clinton : Hah! [kick] Come on, then.
Obama: What?
Hillary Clinton : Have at you!
[kick]
Obama: Eh. You are indeed brave, candidate, but the fight is mine.
Hillary Clinton : Oh, had enough, eh?
Obama: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left.
Hillary Clinton : Yes, I have.
Obama: Look!
Hillary Clinton : Just a flesh wound. [kick]
Obama: Look, stop that.
Hillary Clinton : Chicken! [kick] Chickennn!
Obama: Look, I'll have your leg. [kick] Right!
[whop]
[Obama chops the Hillary Clinton 's right leg off]
Hillary Clinton : Right. I'll do you for that!
Obama: You'll what?
Hillary Clinton : Come here!
Obama: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
Hillary Clinton : I'm invincible!
Obama: You're a looney.
Hillary Clinton : The Hillary Clinton always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then.
[whop] [Obama chops the Hillary Clinton 's last leg off]
Hillary Clinton : Oh? All right, we'll call it a draw.
Obama: Come, Michelle.
Hillary Clinton : Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!

Or come to think of it the "bring out your dead" sketch in the same movies  seems pretty apt:

Howard Dean: Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
Barack Obama: Here's one.
Howard Dean: Ninepence.
Hillary Clinton: I'm not dead!
Howard Dean: What?
Barack Obama: Nothing. Here's your ninepence.
Hillary Clinton: I'm not dead!
Howard Dean: 'Ere. He says he's not dead!
Barack Obama: Yes, he is.
Hillary Clinton: I'm not!
Howard Dean: He isn't?
Barack Obama: Well, he will be soon. He's very ill.
Hillary Clinton: I'm getting better!
Barack Obama: No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.
Howard Dean: Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
Hillary Clinton: I don't want to go on the cart!
Barack Obama: Oh, don't be such a baby.
Howard Dean: I can't take him.
Hillary Clinton: I feel fine!
Barack Obama: Well, do us a favour.
Howard Dean: I can't.
Barack Obama: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
Howard Dean: No, I've got to go to the Romney's. They've lost nine today.
Barack Obama: Well, when's your next round?
Howard Dean: Thursday.
Hillary Clinton: I think I'll go for a walk.
Barack Obama: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do?
Hillary Clinton: [singing] I feel happy. I feel happy.
[whop]
Barack Obama: Ah, thanks very much.
Howard Dean: Not at all. See you on Thursday.

Now these are of course just the obvious ones; and with the depth of Python knowledge here I'm sure I've only scratched the surface, but I leave to you, dear readers to expand the theme.  I fear that If I go any farther, zombie Graham Chapman will bust in the room and shut this thread down for being too silly.

Would that he'd do the same for Hillary's campaign.  When you've gone from being a formidible cnadidate, to an object of pity, to finally, a target of open mockery; it really IS time to call it a run.

•  Hillary as Norma Desmond?

  More fromt he Milbank article.  Is she gamely putting up a brave face or geniuinely deluded at this point?:

  2:57 p.m., Yeager Airport, Charleston, W.Va.: A steep descent brings Clinton's plane to Charleston's hilltop airport. After an appropriate wait, she steps from the plane and pretends to wave to a crowd of supporters; in fact, she is waving to 10 photographers underneath the airplane's wing. She pretends to spot an old friend in the crowd, points and gives another wave; in fact, she is waving at an aide she had been talking with on the plane minutes earlier.

  Is she ready for her close-up Mr. Cronkite?

  Remember, She's still big, its the caucuses that got small.

  by Magorn on Wed May 14, 2008 at 08:46:04 AM PDT

  •  voila!

    by voila on Wed May 14, 2008 at 08:53:21 AM PDT

    •  that's truly phenomenal

      This is amazing work.  Yours?

      by Magorn on Wed May 14, 2008 at 08:59:41 AM PDT

      •  ghod, no

        teacherken put it up in a diary last night; it is truly definitive, imho.

        by voila on Wed May 14, 2008 at 09:01:26 AM PDT

•  Well This Could Seem Like A Place To Post This

  

  by webranding on Wed May 14, 2008 at 08:48:41 AM PDT

  •  LOL... I was just gonna suggest screenshots ;) nt

    by Clive all hat no horse Rodeo on Wed May 14, 2008 at 08:57:59 AM PDT

•  Brutal column

  which I LOVED, of course. Dana went all out.

  by lapis on Wed May 14, 2008 at 08:50:36 AM PDT

•  Milbank at his funniest

  it's a great read.
  
  
  ````
  peace
  
  

  by peace voter on Wed May 14, 2008 at 08:51:50 AM PDT

  •  LOL is right...

    ...now I'd like to see Dana and Keith do the sketch on Countdown. Keith could do a good Cleese!

    by MichaelPH on Wed May 14, 2008 at 09:22:05 AM PDT

•  Ex-Parrot?

  Long live the new Parrot:

  by dougdilg on Wed May 14, 2008 at 08:52:09 AM PDT

•  The Black Knight references were hot last night

  ...during Hillary's "until the last dog dies" speech last night.

  It is indeed an apt reference.

  This version is also really funny.

  by CA Libertarian on Wed May 14, 2008 at 08:52:56 AM PDT

•  Witch trial logic

  Hillary's logic -- which states matter, when you count the electoral vote and when you don't, etc -- remind me of the process by which the village determines whether or not one of their women is a witch:

  BEDEVERE:
  Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
  VILLAGER #1:
  Are there?
  VILLAGER #2:
  Ah?
  VILLAGER #1:
  What are they?
  CROWD:
  Tell us! Tell us!...
  BEDEVERE:
  Tell me. What do you do with witches?
  VILLAGER #2:
  Burn!
  VILLAGER #1:
  Burn!
  CROWD:
  Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...
  BEDEVERE:
  And what do you burn apart from witches?
  VILLAGER #1:
  More witches!
  VILLAGER #3:
  Shh!
  VILLAGER #2:
  Wood!
  BEDEVERE:
  So, why do witches burn?
  [pause]
  VILLAGER #3:
  B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?
  BEDEVERE:
  Good! Heh heh.
  CROWD:
  Oh, yeah. Oh.
  BEDEVERE:
  So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
  VILLAGER #1:
  Build a bridge out of her.
  BEDEVERE:
  Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
  VILLAGER #1:
  Oh, yeah.
  RANDOM:
  Oh, yeah. True. Uhh...
  BEDEVERE:
  Does wood sink in water?
  VILLAGER #1:
  No. No.
  VILLAGER #2:
  No, it floats! It floats!
  VILLAGER #1:
  Throw her into the pond!
  CROWD:
  The pond! Throw her into the pond!
  BEDEVERE:
  What also floats in water?
  VILLAGER #1:
  Bread!
  VILLAGER #2:
  Apples!
  VILLAGER #3:
  Uh, very small rocks!
  VILLAGER #1:
  Cider!
  VILLAGER #2:
  Uh, gra-- gravy!
  VILLAGER #1:
  Cherries!
  VILLAGER #2:
  Mud!
  VILLAGER #3:
  Uh, churches! Churches!
  VILLAGER #2:
  Lead! Lead!
  ARTHUR:
  A duck!
  CROWD:
  Oooh.
  BEDEVERE:
  Exactly. So, logically...
  VILLAGER #1:
  If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood.
  BEDEVERE:
  And therefore?
  VILLAGER #2:
  A witch!
  VILLAGER #1:
  A witch!
  CROWD:
  A witch! A witch!...
  VILLAGER #4:
  Here is a duck. Use this duck.
  [quack quack quack]
  BEDEVERE:
  Very good. We shall use my largest scales.

  cribbed from here.

  by djs on Wed May 14, 2008 at 08:54:49 AM PDT

  •  Puerto Rico - their last hurrah

    They'll have to abandon the electoral argument there.  No President has won the White House without Puerto Rico since...

    by Land of Enchantment on Wed May 14, 2008 at 10:47:51 AM PDT

•  Monty Python Synchronicity

  I was thinking of doing a diary last night based on the Lumberjack Song. It would be Hillary singing "I'm A Democrat And I'm OK". Many have mentioned that she has been running against Obama as if she was a Republican. All her supporters would be joining in the chorus of "She's a Democrat and she's OK" until she starts saying things like...

  I like to practice race baiting
  I want to obliterate Iran
  I wish I was a Bushie
  So Karl could give me a plan

  Then all her supporters would realize what she was doing and walk away in disgust. OK. That part is hard to believe. Anyway it needs some work. Might be something in the "Twit of the year" contest that is applicable as well.

  by HL Mungo on Wed May 14, 2008 at 08:57:58 AM PDT

  •  work on that

    it's a very good start

    by Magorn on Wed May 14, 2008 at 09:01:46 AM PDT

    •  If Anybody Else Wants To Work With It

      Feel free. Life imitates Monty Python sketches. There are plenty of them to work with.

      by HL Mungo on Wed May 14, 2008 at 09:08:22 AM PDT

•  I just read...

  ...it. Hilarious and pitiful for Hillary all at once.

  2:57 p.m., Yeager Airport, Charleston, W.Va.: A steep descent brings Clinton's plane to Charleston's hilltop airport. After an appropriate wait, she steps from the plane and pretends to wave to a crowd of supporters; in fact, she is waving to 10 photographers underneath the airplane's wing. She pretends to spot an old friend in the crowd, points and gives another wave; in fact, she is waving at an aide she had been talking with on the plane minutes earlier.

  Oh my gawd. Is this what it means to be a politician? You gotta get that bug-eyed "I see you!" expression she always gets when she comes off a bus or on a stage. It's just such stage-managed horseshit. And now it just seems so darn pitiful.

  by MichaelPH on Wed May 14, 2008 at 09:03:13 AM PDT

•  OUCH! Milbank couldn't have been more

  direct than that. Most viewed opinion piece, too.

  So, um, at what point does Hillary's self-respect and pride take over? It's beyond even EMBARRASSING...moved right into humiliating territory, now. Please, Hillary. Stop.  

  by bubbalie 517 on Wed May 14, 2008 at 09:08:23 AM PDT