What do we tell our Daughters???
Wed May 14, 2008 at 01:10:55 PM PDT
...And sons…??
Many years ago, in the heat of a bygone election, I was listening to the news on my car radio while driving my son to his daycare. During a newsbreak in the music, one of the Presidential candidates came on and made a patently ridiculous statement. To be honest, I don’t even remember what it was. But I do remember my young son looking up at me with open eyes and asking… “Dad, did that man just tell a lie?” I remember how I felt as I tried to compose an answer for my child, who had yet to learn about the ugly in the world, about leaders and presidents who tell lies.
With the Democratic Primary winding down and the calls for Hilary to exit becoming increasingly loud and more frequent, that memory caused me to reflect upon this moment. While Hilary lost me (and my vote) somewhere South of New Hampshire, I have come to realize that, despite how I might feel about the race, this is really an important teaching moment. One we shouldn’t simply throw away in our election exuberance. As a single father, I know first-hand how precious and rare these moments are and how valuable they are to our kids.
Two things strike me about this moment – Hilary’s tenacity and the campaign tactics. While both are important, they evoke different reactions, but the lessons they teach are intertwined.
As to Hilary’s tenacity and her refusal to quit - I was, at first, among those who advocated that she leave the race ASAP. But on asking myself, “what would I tell my daughter”, I realized that the lesson I would want to impart is just the opposite. If I were talking to my daughter, or my son for that matter, I would be saying – “don’t ever give up or stop giving your best until the last whistle blows!”
When my son was younger and engaged in team sports, there were times when his team fell behind early in the game. Sometimes they were down by so much that there was no way to catch up. During those games, his coaches always told the team to play hard until the last whistle. (And every so often, they would find a way to win despite the odds.) That’s a message that I always tried to reinforce after the game was over. “Don’t quit on yourself or your team, son! Give your best until the game is over!” That’s an important life lesson, one surely that most of us would all tell our children and want them to take to heart. And for those of us adults, as we cheer and moan our way through this contest, we need to realize that our daughters and sons are watching what we do, not just what we say. And we need to be be mindful, especially of the young women and minorities who are watching history being made here by the first Woman, African American and Mexican-American presidential candidates. The children and teens who are drawing new inspiration and self confidence from them. For those young folks we need to reinforce Hilary’s right to compete as hard as she can until that last whistle.
Which takes me to the second point… How we win is important!
The reason most often given for wanting the primary contest to end “Now!” is the tenor and tone of the campaign. Agree or Disagree about who was first or last, the fact is that the contest and comments by some of the participants, has been at times, ugly and in some cases divisive. And the fact that Hilary both has a right to and imperative to compete aggressively until the last vote is cast, does not mean that she should surrender ethics or good sportsmanship in that effort. What I would tell my daughter is that “how you win is as important as the win itself!” Because winning, in and of itself, is less important than maintaining and sustaining your morality and character. Winning dirty diminishes both the winner and the win!
Politically speaking, I see little purpose for Hilary remaining in the race, but life is about much more than politics. And while undoubtedly some young women or men currently watching this campaign will be inspired and motivated to enter politics in the future, in truth they will be in the minority. But the lessons to be learned here are valuable ones which all of our children will benefit from. So as we argue and advocate through what remains of this contest and the general election, it would behoove all of us to remember what we will tell our children at the end of the day.
I know that the examples given are not the only valuable lessons to be learned from this historic contest. There are equally important lessons to be learned about racism and sexism, as well as about class and culture and our inter-connectedness. These too are important lessons that every parent and teacher should ponder and use to teach our children about how to live their lives now and in the future.
But the lesson we should learn from our children is - that it ain't all about the game, or about who wins and who loses - it's about how we live our lives!
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