Daily Kos

Damn! Now Obama will never call ME "sweetie"!

Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:16:08 AM PDT

First, let me preface this post by declaring that I am a feminist.  I fully believe in equal rights for women, equal pay for identical work, and full reproductive rights.  I recognize the long struggle women have had just to get to the point where I can declare my beliefs without being run out of town or burned at the stake.

That having been said, I don't get how anyone can get very outraged over Obama referring to a woman as "sweetie".  If you didn't hear the story, a reporter interrupted a conversation that Obama was having with the President of Chrysler during his Michigan trip yesterday.  Obama replied to her intrusion with, "Hold on one second, sweetie, we'll do a press avail".  Now except for being impressed with his use of the word "avail", something you don't hear in everyday conversation (is that a media thing, short for available, or did he mean it as in "soon", like they say it at Medieval Times?), I didn't think much of the matter.  But apparently the reporter did, because it's all over the news here in Michigan today.

I've worked with men, usually older, often from the south, who called me "honey" or "sweetie" and I never thought they were denigrating me or anything.  In fact, I suspect most of them just couldn't think of my name at that exact moment.  If the choice is "sweetie" or "hey, what's-your-face", I'll take the "sweetie", thank you, dear.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't see any huge contradiction between my feminism and my preference to be recognized as a woman and to continue to receive the benefits that men afford women that they don't often grant to other men.  I like it when a man holds the door open for me, or gives me a special greeting that he wouldn't give a man.  I enjoy the rare night on the town when Mr. Brightstar comes around to open the car door for me.  I'll even admit that I like getting the occasional once over and a smile from a man, as long as it doesn't pass over the threshhold to "creepy".  If the price I pay for that is the odd "sweetie" or "honey", I'm not going to march in the streets against it.  Maybe it's wrong to want to have my cake and eat it too.  Maybe people need everything clear in black and white so that we don't get stuck on stupid in the grey areas.

Anyway, Barack (can I call him Barack?) left a voicemail that the reporter dutifully broadcast last night and posted to her station's
website:

"It's a bad habit of mine," he said in the voice mail, which is on the TV station's Web site. "I mean no disrespect, so I am duly chastened on that front."

I was hoping before this election ended that somehow, somewhere, Barack would call me "sweetie".  As in, "Let go of my hand, sweetie, I need to move down the line now" as he gently but firmly peels my clenched fingers from his hand before the Secret Service moves in.  Or maybe "I appreciate the donations, sweetie, but no, I can't come over for dinner next week".  Or just "Hi, sweetie" and a big Barack grin.  Now that damn reporter has dashed my dreams.

Oh well.  I guess I'll have to stick to my dreams of getting out of Iraq and universal health care for all Americans.

Poll

Can Barack call you "sweetie"?

38%80 votes
13%29 votes
2%6 votes
5%11 votes
16%34 votes
16%34 votes
5%11 votes
1%3 votes

| 208 votes | Vote | Results

Tags: Obama, Michigan, sweetie, lost opportunity, snark (all tags) :: Previous Tag Versions

Permalink | 93 comments

  •  I'm a feminist. (17+ / 0-)

    And you know, there's just so much blatant sexism out there, I can't get to up in arms over being called "dear" or "sweetie" or "honey".  The fact is I've been called these same things by other women as often as by men.  Now, if someone is deliberately being disrespectful, or saying something condescending and trying to sweeten it a bit by using these terms, then I can be a bit put off.

  •  I don't usually mind it (6+ / 0-)

    but I understand how in this context it's not exactly appropriate. Not very professional. Saying it to a supporter would be one thing, but a reporter? Mm, not so much...

  •  I'm a man, and i'd take any acknowledgement (5+ / 0-)

    from him, sweetie or not.

    :)

    "We are the ones we've been waiting for"

    by badger195 on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:21:39 AM PDT

  •  I don't mind it, depending on the setting, (4+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    oldjohnbrown, turnover, redtex, Dichro Gal

    but I think he handled it right. I think it's endearing and, well, sweet, for him to call Michelle and the girls "sweetie," and I bet he does it. If you do that regualarly, it is easy to accidentally say it to someone you really don't mean to say it to. But I don't think it's a good policy for him to call all women "sweetie."  Not worth him stopping saying it to his "real" girls, but I wouldn't want to think he thought it was ok to say to a reporter.

    (I'd like for him to call me, sweetie, too, though.)

  •  He can call me anything he likes (27+ / 0-)

    as long as I can reply, "Yes, Mr. President."

    "Right wing freak machine" General Wes Clark

    by Tracker on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:22:44 AM PDT

  •  As a southerner... (10+ / 0-)

    ...I can hardly imagine our language without "sweetie", "darlin'", "hon'", and the like.

    If the reporter wasn't offended, I think it ludicrous that anyone would be offended on her behalf.

    Nice diary.  

    "I suppose your guess is more or less as bad as mine." - The Replacements

    by turnover on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:22:51 AM PDT

  •  What this reminds me of... (7+ / 0-)

    ...is the Bloom County cartoon where Phyllis Schlafly says, "I'd be the President's 'Li'l Dumplin' anyday..."

    Obama/Clinton 2008. The likeliest ticket to win that won't happen, but it was nice to think about while it lasted.

    by alkatt on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:22:52 AM PDT

  •  honestly (3+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    oldjohnbrown, texasmom, CeeusBeeus

    I have to tell you that having anyone other than my husband and kids call me by any term of endearment really does drive me up the friggin' wall.  But I'm in the south (well, if FL counts as the south which it is geographically but culturally - not so much) and I realize it's kind of a regional thing.  I grew up in Canada and I think it's significantly less done there.  I also hate to be "ma'am" 'd.  Last summer we took a perfectly lovely trip the the Carolinas.  I told my husband on the last day that it had been fun but I was glad to go home as I felt I was about to be ma'am'd to death.  I don't take offense, though, as I know none is intended.  

    Having said all that, I would be more than happy to make an exception for Obama.  He can call me "sweetie" anytime.  As long as I can accurately refer to him as Mr President - that's a trade-off I could totally get behind.

    •  asdf (2+ / 0-)

      Recommended by:
      webranding, fayea

      I don't take offense, though, as I know none is intended.

       

      The intent is quite the opposite. I'll occasionally have women tell me not to "ma'am" them (jokingly), but the fact is that I can't help it. It's in my DNA!

      "I suppose your guess is more or less as bad as mine." - The Replacements

      by turnover on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:26:58 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  That Was Something I Was Going To Mention (2+ / 0-)

        Recommended by:
        turnover, Blogvirgin

        I was raised at a time and in a family if I didn't address a person as sir or ma'am I was in trouble. As you said it is in my DNA. I don't even think about it, the words just come out of my mouth. Far more times women seem to take some offense to ma'am then any of the other terms mentioned here.

        •  I do understand this (0+ / 0-)

          and, in fact, have one client in SC who's very very southern, very sweet and he ma'am's me all.the.time.  I don't actually hate it from him just because he's impossible to get annoyed by.

          But anyway... I know it's a respectful thing so I try not to give any indication of how it grates on me.  But I truly cannot help that it makes me cringe.  IMO, It's just one of those differences that people need to learn to consider the context and look past.  To me, it makes me feel old because it was just not done anywhere I lived till I was into my 30's.

          In any case, we'd all probably be better off if we worked twice as hard understanding other's intents and half as hard trying to find offense in them.  

    •  makes me think of Prime Suspect (1+ / 0-)

      Recommended by:
      turnover

      where everybody called Helen Mirren's character "Mum" all the time and it drove her crazy...

  •  We As A Guy I Attempt Not To Use (2+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    CeeusBeeus, soms

    many of the phrases mentioned here. But I can tend to use some other ones. After maybe a weekend and everybody at 8 AM is all down on a Monday and I'll see a women with a huge smile and a happy thing to say I might say "Morning Sunshine." Now in hindsight I wouldn't say that to a man, but I swear it isn't sexist.

    I also think the persons past performance, actions, and the context can be important. But that is just my male two cents.

  •  I cannot believe anyone cares. (6+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    edavis, newfie, Hastur, geejay, redtex, soms

    It boggles my mind.

    A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
    - Calvin

    by iconoclastic cat on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:23:25 AM PDT

  •  I'm a feminist man... (6+ / 0-)

    ...about the same age as Senator Obama, and I can't imagine ever calling someone I don't even know "sweetie".  I cringed big-time when I watched the clip.

    Note: This is not a fatal gaffe, or a reason why anyone shouldn't support Obama's candidacy, but it's not helpful.  He did the right thing by promptly apologizing, and hopefully it will soon be forgotten. (Oh, and he should try to remember not to do that any more.)

  •  He can call me sweetie anytime! (5+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    turnover, CeeusBeeus, brightstar, redtex, soms

    He's got my vote in Ky.

    SANKOFA(Akan) "One must return to the past in order to move forward."

    by MariaWr on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:27:18 AM PDT

  •  I'm a woman, and have been known to call both (6+ / 0-)

    men and women some sort of cutie dimunitive, such as honey.  I understand that many women find this offensive, especially in the work environment, see Joan Walsh of Salon, but I also thought the amount of attention spent on this stupidity was so beyond the pale it's not even funny.

    Frankly, I would rather see some of these "offended" people be offended at Pat Buchannan who actually is a racist and sexist than after someone who isn't.

  •  I can see how... (1+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    Blogvirgin

    ...someone might find it condescending, as "pet-names" are often used with children, or by people who are looking for tips.

    Having said that, there are clear regional differences in this, and I can certainly understand how, using a pet-name with loved ones consistently, one could slip up in an off the cuff moment and apply it to someone else (I've done it once or twice). I think, absent more damning evidence of Obama having less than respectful attitudes toward women, this is pretty much a non-story.

  •  I'm going to have to disagree here (3+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    Bill W, beatengeneration, FoxfireTX

    Diminutives like "sweetie," "darling," or "princess," when used by a man to address a relative stranger and admonish her, especially for impatience, has a long history of being used by men to infantilize and demean women who would dare to challenge them.  Please see Han Solo in A New Hope for details and examples.

    I'm an Obama supporter, and I actually don't think he meant it in a demeaning fashion, but the circumstances - and his somewhat impatient tone with her - took it out of the harmless, if somewhat overly familiar, context of folksy charm and made him come off as very patronizing.  Whatever his intent, it came off poorly.  I believe he's a good man and an ally of feminism, so I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.  But for those feminists who still need convincing as to his sincerity as their ally, he really didn't help himself out here.  His prompt apology, directly to her voice mail rather than through the press, is a plus, but even it can be taken the wrong way by those inclined to see his explanation of it as a bad habit that he's working on as an excuse that further dismisses the concerns of those who it rubbed wrong for legitimate reasons.

    "It's not the side-effects of the cocaine; I'm thinking that it must be love."

    by Twilight Jack on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:28:57 AM PDT

  •  If anyonre holds that against him (2+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    Buffalo Girl, Blogvirgin

    they are a small, pathetic excuse for a voter. That being said, he ought not use the term in the future.

  •  When my daughters were little girls (5+ / 0-)

    I used to "misspeak" from time to time and say things that were more geared to children when talking to my colleagues...It was usually pretty funny.

    I stand by all the misstatements that I've made- Dan Quayle

    by Crying for the women of Alesia on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:29:49 AM PDT

  •  To answer the other question (0+ / 0-)

    "avail" is a media thing, short for availability. A media availability or press availability is sort of like a press conference, only without opening remarks. The candidate just shows up and is available to the press for questions.

    Conservatives love America like four-year-old kids love their mommies. -Al Franken

    by leftilicious on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:29:58 AM PDT

    •  Thanks for clearing that up! (0+ / 0-)

      I was wondering about that.  I thought, what the hell?  Is Obama talking like it's the middle ages?  I had to read that three times before I started wondering if it was a press term. :)

      "...at this moment, in this election, we can come together and say, 'Not this time'" - Barack Obama, 3/18/08

      by brightstar on Thu May 15, 2008 at 08:19:42 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  they're lucky he's not cutting their food (5+ / 0-)

    into tiny non-choking hazard, toddler size cubes!
    this sometimes happens when you have small children, especially in his case where he is a father to 2 little girls. then it coupled with the fact that he's just a darn nice guy. that ole sweet talker!
    Now, forget the "Sweetie" what's the answer to that question!

  •  I don't mind being called sweetie, (3+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    worldwideellen, Hastur, redtex

    hon, dear--as others have noted, these are often used by women--I'd much rather be called that than ignored or treated rudely.

    But I do find being called a "girl" by men demeaning.

    "The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them." ~Mark Twain

    by PoliSigh on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:30:36 AM PDT

    •  Really? (1+ / 0-)

      Recommended by:
      Bensch

      Maybe this is a regional or generational thing, but "girl" to me has no real implication of childishness, it's just the female equivalent of "guy"--though, I admit, generally only for ones own age-range or younger.

      •  depends on the context (1+ / 0-)

        Recommended by:
        zbbrox

        as always...

        •  Well, of course. (2+ / 0-)

          Recommended by:
          Buffalo Girl, fayea

          Anything can be an epithet if it's used as one. All the goddamn Massachusetts liberals on this site know that.

          •  you mean Massholes? ; ) (0+ / 0-)

            I work with young people and it drives me nuts when the young men refer to young women as "girls"  because they do mean it in a demeaning way--they are typically objectifying young women, dehumanizing them in a way--they are just objects to hook up with--there is no respect there at all when they do it.  When they do it I remind them that they can be arrested for dating under aged "girls".

            Girl to me does mean Child, giggly, inconsequential--it is very dismissive and superior to say "what are you doing girls?"  

            "The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them." ~Mark Twain

            by PoliSigh on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:46:31 AM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  You really don't hear... (0+ / 0-)

              ...young women referring to each other as girls and referring to men as boys? I think it's just part of a fairly youth-centric culture, 'cause most of the girls (and by this I do mean women in their mid-twenties, including my wife and half of my close friends) I know definitely refer to themselves as girls.

              •  that is different--those who have been oppressed (0+ / 0-)

                may indeed use those words on themselves--but it means something completely different when spoken by the group which has done the oppression.

                Also, young women do need to be taught what women have been through and not dismiss it as they often do.  Discrimination is still out there. Language does hurt and does keep people in their place.  It may be demeaning even if they really don't understand that. Even if they don't find it offensive, I DO. Our society loves to tell us that "you shouldn't mind this, You are too uptight, relax--we didn't mean anything by it."  So it's fine for Ann Coulter to call John Edwards a "fag", for the hate mongers to say whatever they want--"we were just kidding".  Nope--it is used to keep people in their places.

                Black men feel "boy" is demeaning in the same way I feel girl is demeaning  But African Americans may use words that whites may not.

                Young men are usually referred to as guys where I am, perhaps you are being made fun of without knowing it?

                "The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them." ~Mark Twain

                by PoliSigh on Thu May 15, 2008 at 10:17:36 AM PDT

                [ Parent ]

                •  "Guys" is usual... (0+ / 0-)

                  ..."Boys" is usually used as a group term, as in "I like boys", "boys don't understand that..." "boys' night out", and similar.

                  In any case, I realize that members of oppressed groups can use terms members of the oppressing group can't, but I find it hard to believe that in a modern context "girl" is a bad term in of itself, outside of a demeaning context. If the term isn't used in a way intended to demean and it isn't an inherently demeaning term, I don't really get the offense. Like I said, a "guy" is a reference to Guy Fawkes and the guys that are burned in effigy of him, but that doesn't mean that when women call men "guys" they're saying they'd like to burn them, or that they're treasonous gunpowder plotters. I, honestly, have rarely seen "girls" used in a negative way that the word "women" could not have been equally offensive in. (i.e. "Women are nuts," "Women are crazy," or just "Man, women...")

      •  but the male equivalent is NOT "boy" (0+ / 0-)

        it is "guy".  Few people use "gal" which is really rather icky!!!!

        "The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them." ~Mark Twain

        by PoliSigh on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:47:40 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  Well, I do... (1+ / 0-)

          Recommended by:
          Bensch

          ...hear women my age (26) refer to men as "boys" sometimes in reference to datability and such. But, I mean, why is "girl" really more offensive than "guy"? "Guy" comes from a burning effigy for cryin' out loud. ;)

  •  Your poll needed a... (0+ / 0-)

    I'm a man - Hell NO! Don't make me punch you, future President!

    :)

    John McCain has a plan to help homeowners that he made up ALL BY HIMSELF :\

    by Gut Check on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:31:12 AM PDT

    •  LOL (1+ / 0-)

      Recommended by:
      Gut Check

      I thought about that, but figured that might take the conversation into parts of the male psyche I didn't feel like dealing with. :)

      "...at this moment, in this election, we can come together and say, 'Not this time'" - Barack Obama, 3/18/08

      by brightstar on Thu May 15, 2008 at 08:25:27 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  I would want to be called (1+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    Dichro Gal

    sweetie and get a kiss on the cheek.

    To err is human. To forgive, divine.

    by Highwind on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:31:38 AM PDT

  •  after watching the exchange (1+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    redtex

    I think the only thing that made it seem worse than what it was: some ELSE laughed after he said it, thus making it seem malicious or more sexist than it really was.
    Not to mention it happened as he was surrounded by a bunch of male autoworkers.

    I didn't think it was a big deal, but I'm an Obama supporting guy.
    I was really impressed with his quick, honest apology.

  •  Man, the HRC supporters (0+ / 0-)

    are really grasping at thsi the way someone confronted by vampires grasps at a crucifix.  "Sexism! Sexism!" they're wailing.

  •  Context Matters! (2+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    zbbrox, MariaWr

    The reason I don't find the word sweetie offensive is because it does not come with a negative history (like the N word), or mean directly anything derogatory (sl--).

    While I agree that it can be used in a demeaning manner, it is the man behind it, not the word itself. I can't imagine that anyone with a wife as formidable and impressive as Michele can be an MCP.

  •  I'm a woman, and (1+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    redtex

    I've always considered myself to be a feminist and I don't find it insulting. But he does have to really mean it-and he does have a really great grin!

    "Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction." --Blaise Pascal

    by lyvwyr101 on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:35:34 AM PDT

  •  When I first read about this Really Big Biggie, (1+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    redtex

    I was so tempted to say, "Barack can call me Sweetie any time", because, well, Barack can call me Sweetie any time.
     I have a whole branch of my family who calls everyone sweetie, so I'm used to it--- they are the huggy, kissy types with big hearts who love everyone.  And everyone loves them.  
     Of all the things to be enraged about, comparatively speaking, Sweetie doesn't really deserve a spot on the list.
      And besides, it's kinda sweet.  

  •  If every word I said was recorded, I'd be screwed (7+ / 0-)

    I am a college professor, mom to two boys and by the end of school year, I'm calling everyone "sweetie" or "honey." I mean, who can keep track?

    I'm thinking Obama says "sweetie" at home all the time to his girls, and it just slipped out.

    That said, it doesn't play well in the media and I bet he regrets it.

    THAT said, I'd hate it if I was being followed around all the time and every word I said was being scrutinized.  I'd be screwed, I'm sure.  

    Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. - Albert Einstein

    by cityvitalsigns on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:36:16 AM PDT

  •  I am female (0+ / 0-)

    and have a bad habit of calling people sweetie.  It's hard to break it.  I do get annoyed when men who a clearly close to me in age (mid-thirties) call me dear or honey since that strikes me as kind of patronizing but I am not going to get worked up about it.

    As they were reporting this story my husband said "so are they going to mention those really offensive monkey t-shirts or what?"

  •  It doesn't offend me, (0+ / 0-)

    but it offends far too many people out there for him to be able to get away with it. I'm sure that's why he apologized. I really hope that Clinton supporters don't use this as an excuse to vote McCain or not vote at all when a McCain presidency likely means the reversal of Roe v. Wade.

    Oh, and my female friends and I all call each other sweetie.

    VOTE McCAIN: I am nothing special and would probably make a terrible president - the Daily Show

    by Julia Rain on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:39:44 AM PDT

  •  Lapel Pins, pledges of allegience, Wright, Ayers (2+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    Hastur, Julia Rain

    Sweetie....

    Is there anything of SUBSTANCE that they are going to throw at President Obama?

    "We are the ones we've been waiting for"

    by badger195 on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:41:38 AM PDT

    •  This is the best dirt they've got (0+ / 0-)

      Aren't we lucky?  We're supporting a candidate whose biggest sins don't even approach supporting an illegal, immoral, useless war.

      "...at this moment, in this election, we can come together and say, 'Not this time'" - Barack Obama, 3/18/08

      by brightstar on Thu May 15, 2008 at 08:29:02 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  He needs to stop this (2+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    Bill W, Varekai

    and eliminate this word from his vocabulary.  While anyone who is a parent can understand how this gets into your vocabulary (my expression for many of my daughter's friends) it is wholly inappropriate in a political campaign by a candidate.  And it made me cringe that he did this twice in a workplace setting.  While it doesn't change my support, many of us fought against this type of thing for YEARS when in fact these "endearments" were used to "keep us in our place."  It is particularly important that he makes sure he never does this again given many of the older feminists in the Clinton camp that we hope will sign on to this campaign.  I can guarantee that a large number of them would be offended.  It simply is inappropriate.  He responded correctly with the apology.  Every vote counts and the coming months will be a sensitive time when trying to bring these camps together.  This is one distraction (created by him) that is unnecessary.

    Gandhi: "First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win. "

    by FoxfireTX on Thu May 15, 2008 at 09:46:18 AM PDT

  •  You go girl (0+ / 0-)

    Couldn't agree with you more. These endearments are still wonderful especially if they are habits. This is really a case of sweating the small stuff. Maybe she was so excited and did not know what to do with herself.

  •  "Press availability" (0+ / 0-)

    is what he meant by press avail.

    •  Thanks! (0+ / 0-)

      Soon I'll be talking like I'm in the press.  I just hope never to THINK like most of the journalists I see on TV.

      "...at this moment, in this election, we can come together and say, 'Not this time'" - Barack Obama, 3/18/08

      by brightstar on Thu May 15, 2008 at 08:30:53 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  I too call younger people sweetie (0+ / 0-)

    It's a habit I've acquired  calling someone younger than me "sweetie" ... particularly if the person is a lot younger. He's got two little girls and I'm sure he always calls them sweetie.... so I'm wondering if the reporter he was talking to was visibly young looking??? This might have caused him to unconsciously use that term.

  •  It's the tone of voice.... (0+ / 0-)

    I've gotten that (mostly from older men, even now when I'm obviously middle-aged) -- but so long as it's light, it's not a problem.

    There's a very different tone and intent when it's intended to demean. I'm sitting here trying to think of how the difference in situation and context makes ALL the difference in the world -- but how to describe it?

    It's MORE likely to be insulting and demeaning if:
    -- It's said in a condescending, sarcastic or angry tone;
    -- The man is NOT a stranger, but someone I already know and have some kind of relationship (usually professional or casual, not friendly or intimate) with; -- he knows my name.
    -- Tone of voice and body language imply sexual overtones
    -- The man is not family or a good friend.  

    It's LESS likely to be insulting or demeaning if:
    -- It's said in a friendly or offhanded way
    -- It's a passing incident, not an ongoing conversation;
    -- The man is a stranger, and doesn't know my name;
    -- Tone of voice and body language do NOT imply any kind of sexual overtone to the comment;
    -- The man is family or a close friend.  

    It's really a matter of context, which is very hard to pin down in a hard and fast way -- and also open to interpretation, because different parts of the country have different "traditions" of social/professional interaction.

    Depends on the circumstances -- but I don't think Obama was out of line. (The reporter was already interrupting his conversation, which is kinda rude, but I suspect that's par for the course with aggressive reporters, of either gender.) Still, the fact that he took the time and trouble to call and apologize says a lot about him -- it matters to him that she might have been offended, and that puts him far ahead of a lot of men already in my book.

    And Obama is LIGHT YEARS ahead of the current occupant of the Oval Office as far as courtesy and respect to others goes.  

  •  i'll take "sweetie" over c***... (3+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    Bensch, silent no more, redtex

    mccain called his a wife a C***!!!!

    hmmm...

    sweetie?
    c***?
    sweetie?
    c***?

    i'll take sweetie, thanks.

  •  Avail (0+ / 0-)

    Now except for being impressed with his use of the word "avail", something you don't hear in everyday conversation (is that a media thing, short for available, or did he mean it as in "soon", like they say it at Medieval Times?),

    "Avail" is campaign speak for "press availability," which is campaign speak for "the candidate will answer your questions at thes time."
    It never meant soon. I think you're confusing it with "anon."

    "I'm not opposed to all wars; I'm opposed to dumb wars." -- Obama in 2002

    by Frank Palmer on Thu May 15, 2008 at 10:05:25 AM PDT

    •  Ah....I was thinking of anon (0+ / 0-)

      Thanks! (Though that would have been hilarious if Obama had said anon - talk about elitist...lmao).  Okay, I have weird sense of humor.

      "...at this moment, in this election, we can come together and say, 'Not this time'" - Barack Obama, 3/18/08

      by brightstar on Thu May 15, 2008 at 08:32:49 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  I can be charmed by sweetie (1+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    Hastur

    But, don't ever snap your fingers or wag your fingers at me because then I go into full attack mode.

    That sends me into kill mode.

    Obama lives in a house of women...geez Louise.

    John&Cindy McCain:A "Dallas" and "Dynasty" rerun.

    by redtex on Thu May 15, 2008 at 10:08:57 AM PDT

  •  Reporter probably young which is why (1) she... (2+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    tjb22, redtex

    ...interupted him without thought and (2) he called her sweetie, as I've done the same with my 22 year daughter's female or male friends I don't necessarily know...it's a generational effectionate term from one generation to the next below...as in "we're all good".

    I guaran-gosh-damn-tee the reporter wasn't our age (I'm the same age as Obama).

    Jus'speculatin'...

    Good diary!

    "For it isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it." - Eleanor Roosevelt

    by Donise on Thu May 15, 2008 at 10:13:04 AM PDT

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