Cheers and Jeers: Flashback Monday
Mon May 19, 2008 at 04:40:21 AM PDT
From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Four Years Ago On A Planet Resembling Earth
As I mentioned in Friday's C&J, I was out of the reach of technology all weekend, performing the annual ritual of "opening the cottage" for a good friend's elderly parents on a little island off the mid-coast of Maine. Vacuuming flies off windowsills, removing unsightly mold, cleaning gunk off windows, letting in fresh air, cutting old logs down to size. It seemed like every chore was in some way a fitting analogy for this election year.
May, 2008 feels a lot different than May of 2004, that's for sure. Four years ago the Abu Ghraib scandal was unfolding, John Kerry had the nomination locked up and turned his attention toward his VP pick, and President Bush insisted that Americans owed Donald Rumsfeld "a debt of gratitude" for...something. Still serving at the pleasure of the president were Ashcroft, Powell, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, Ridge, Gonzales, Norton, Rove, Miers, and McClellan. Oil was $40 a barrel and the price of gas soared to $2 a gallon. Here on the intertubes, bloggers were starting to be taken seriously as debate-framers, fact-checkers and money-raisers. (But it would still be awhile before the "Bloggers type their screeds in their jammies" meme would run its course.)
Late last week I sifted through a month's worth of C&Js from four years ago. Your wayback machine awaits.
Cheers and Jeers' May, 2004 flashback starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, May 19, 2008
Note: This is 2004 Bill in Portland Maine with an urgent message! Whatever my future self says, do not give me any money under any circumstances! I hope I've reached you in time---I got stuck in a wormhole.
Today's note has been cancelled. ---Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Kentucky and Oregon primaries: 1
Days 'til Memorial Day: 7
Increase in gas prices from a year ago: 35%
Increase in food costs from a year ago: 5%
Expected increase in health care premiums in 2008: 10%
(Source: Parade)
Percent of taco shells used in Mexican Taco Bell restaurants that are shipped from America: 100%
(Source: Harper's Index)
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Your Monday Texan As A Second Language Lesson
Brought to you by the 2008 Netroots Nation Convention in Austin July 17-20:
"I got an uncle who lived in Midland. Only job he could get in Midland was driving a dump truck. He moved out there to California. Only job he could get was driving a dump truck. Now he's back in Midland."
---From the 1998 movie, "Dancer, Texas"
(Translation: My uncle is a specialist.)
Say this phrase three times out loud before you go to bed and you'll be fluent in Texan in no time!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Ever met an English Red Tick Coon Hound? Meet Dudley.
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C&J Flashback: May, 2004:
CHEERS to the new watchdog on the block. Add Media Matters to your list of favorites. Former rabid right-wing writer David Brock, armed with $2 million he found under parking meters, vows to alert "news outlets and consumers to conservative misinformation---wherever we find it, in every news cycle." Sic `em!
JEERS to internal combustion. Triple-A says gas prices to reach $2 per gallon "soon." Paging Mad Max---we may need you to defend our `precious juice.'
CHEERS to sun and sand. We're having so much fun liberating Iraq that we're keeping 138,000 troops there until---ready for this?---the end of 2005. Our men and women are gonna be buried to their necks in sweets and flowers if we keep this up.
JEERS to TortureGate. Abu Ghraib prison atrocities have Iraqis pining for the good old days as Rumsfeld says he's not sure if the abuses qualify as `torture' (let's see...that would be an "unknown unknown?"). Here, Don, stand on this box so we can see you better. Now hold onto these wires and say cheese...
JEERS to cicadas. Ugly critters are about to come out of their holes in the ground, make insufferable noise, and send people fleeing indoors. A preview of the '04 Republican convention.
JEERS to mixed up priorities. New report says Bush Administration has spent $3 in Iraq for every $1 spent on homeland security. Got duct tape?
CHEERS to Vatican Vitriol. Pope's foreign minister calls Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse scandal a "more serious blow to the United States than Sept. 11, except that the blow was not inflicted by terrorists but by Americans against themselves." That's it...ain't nobody gettin' communion now.
CHEERS to big books. Bill Clinton's `My Life' is already #4 on Amazon's bestseller list. He should've called it `My Millions.'
CHEERS to Tom Brokaw. He's giving up his NBC anchor job, but he'll stick around for special reports and analysis through 2014. Don't worry, Cronkite...he's still penciled in for Tuesday morning Mah Jong.
CHEERS to Ohio. Latest ARG poll has Kerry up by 7 in the Buckeye State---and he hasn't even opened an office there yet. Oh My-O!
JEERS to Pat "Two Face" Buchanan. Joins Grover "Dick" Norquist and Phyllis "Dick" Schlafly on CNBC to give Kerry campaign its last rites...then runs over to MSNBC minutes later to tell Chris Matthews why Kerry has a "golden opportunity" to beat Bush. At least his necktie was consistent. [5/19/08 Update: Four years later he's still playing the two-face two-step.]
CHEERS to the Earth's orbit. Day two of gay marriage in Massachusetts and we're still floating in space on-schedule and on-axis. But my eczema's actin' up again. Damn homos.
CHEERS to `Fahrenheit 9/11.' Looks like another winner for Michael Moore, who gets longest standing ovation "in the history of Cannes." Another Oscar speech in the works?
JEERS to blogophobia. Mother Jones columnist George Packer hates bloggers because we're not psychic enough and we don't know what's really going on. But at least he doesn't resort to stereotypes: "I imagine them in neat blue shirts, the glow from the screen reflected in their glasses as they sit up at 3:48 a.m. triumphantly tapping out their third rejoinder to the WaPo's press commentary on Tim Russert's on-air recap of the Wisconsin primary." FOURTH rejoinder, you dillweed.
JEERS to the Battle for Hearts and Minds. U.S. aircraft mow down 40 Iraqis at a wedding party. Army officials say the dancers, musicians, buffet table, giggling children and festive decorations looked suspicious.
CHEERS to Medicare scandal flare-up. Turns out those positive prescription card "news items" "anchored" by "reporter" "Karen Ryan" were "illegal." NY's Charles Rangel nails it: "If someone is willing to do this much to sell them something, it's probably a scam." Just like Pringles.
JEERS to Bush reassurances. Addressing congressional Republicans on Capitol Hill, he promises to "stay the course." You've never seen so many nitroglycerin tablets go under so many tongues at the same time.
CHEERS to Kerry's message. He's got one now: "Let America Be America Again." His marketers pared it down from "Let the United States of America, as it exists in this graven economic and unilateral decision-making climate, be transformed to a United States of America that will elicit a greater appreciation on the part of the people of this great nation and those peoples in the International community with whom we must positively interact." Either way..ick.
CHEERS to Poll Dancing. President Bush's approval drops to lowest levels across the board: CBS News--41%. Washington Post/ABC News--47%. USA Today/CNN/Gallup--47%. And Zogby says Kerry's lead in Ohio is outside the margin of error. Now that's how you make math fun.
JEERS to Lynne Cheney. At the Wisconsin Republican Convention, she pulls this zinger from the depths of her black soul: "These 3 years have provided a text book case of outstanding leadership at the head of our government." More like a book called 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.'
CHEERS to second chances. New York Times admits its Iraq war coverage was, um, lacking: "Looking back, we wish we had been more aggressive in re-examining the claims as new evidence emerged---or failed to emerge." Read it here. Fine. We'll believe you when you dump Judith Miller on the NY Post's doorstep and speed away.
JEERS to media whores. ABC's The Note says, "...the ink is still drying, but the deal is done. Time Warner (parent company of CNN, TIME Magazine, and other fine media outlets) is set to become one of the official sponsors of the Republican National Convention." What, the Soap Box Derby was taken?
JEERS to Florida skullduggery. Here we go again. 47,000 "felons" may be purged from Sunshine State's voter rolls. Four years ago, thousands were wrongly scrubbed, preventing them from voting. No worries...I'm sure Jeb's on the case.
CHEERS to GOP turf wars. Tenet vs. Cheney! Rice vs. Rumsfeld! Rumsfeld vs. Powell! Bush vs. Schwinn! And now...Ashcroft vs. Ridge! The Homeland Security chief gets shoved aside so the Attorney General can be the one to cry "Duct Tape!" This reminds me of The Waltons during their 'mean drunk' phase.
JEERS to John Paul II's sanity. Good grief. Cardinal Bernard Law---who whistled in the dark while his priests were schtupping altar boys---is promoted by the Pope to "ceremonial but highly visible" post in Rome: Archpriest of St. Mary Major Basilica. For him they should change it to Arch Villain.
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And just one more [NOT work-friendly]...
CHEERS to Eric Idle's "The FCC song." Well, if anyone's going to slam Michael Powell's draconian management of the agency, it might as well be a Monty Python alum. If you're at work or around chit'lins, you might want to wear headphones. (I hope the Grammy committee is listening...)
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Back to the usual routine tomorrow. Bring the Glade. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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