I know I know, everyone thinks the grass is always greener, or that they are the biggest victim. But after reading DarkSyde's fantastic (if a little long) diary on what it feels like to be an atheist, and PastorDan's equally fantastic comeback, I got to thinking about a drunken conversation- nay- argument that was recently had between me and two good friends, an atheist and theist.
I am an agnostic. I would say I am a devout agnostic. In fact, it
blows my mind that anyone would ever consider themselves anything else.
First: Why I am not religious-
I had my first crisis when I was twelve. Until then I had never questioned my Catholic upbringing. I prayed regularly and devoutly. Then one day I was in the church I had been going to for 12 years, and I happened to look at the ceiling. In the pew I had been kneeling, standing, sitting in for twelve years, I happened to notice for the first time that the large, ornate chandelier that had been hanging over my head for twelve years was electric. Electric. That means someone made it. If the church was a man-made construct, then why not the whole damn belief system itself? (It doesn't sound like much of a revelation, I know, but keep in mind I was 12).
Now, to be honest, I feel the same about religion as DarkSyde. The seemingly arbitrary nature of almost all religious constructs is so readily apparant to me that I feel like Rowdy Roddy Piper in They Live (or was it Randy Macho Man Savage?)
Second: Why I am not an Atheist-
Frequently people not prone to deliberate philosophic and religious concepts will confuse agnosticism with atheism. To me and other true agnostics, atheism is just about as religious as religion. Atheism requires a certain level of belief. You believe that everything you see and hear, and that all physical evidence provided to you is the sum of what exists. Which brings me to:
Third: Why I consider myself Agnostic-
Agnosticism can best be summed up by these six words:
Beats the shit out of me.
And that's the thing. You don't know. None of us know. To say otherwise requires an immense level of conceit. And what is most frustrating for the agnostic how marginalized they become in the battle between the religious haves and have nots; from 'You have no Faith' to 'You have no Logic'.
For me Agnosticism is a remarkably simple and brave concept. It is the responsibility of any respectable adult to confer truth to others. It is also a mark of intelligence to admit your limitations. Ergo, any intelligent and respectable person should admit that they couldn't possibly know whether there exists a diety of any kind with it's hand in human affairs.
This is not to knock faith. I have faith in many things. That gravity will keep working, that I'll be able to eat today- and more relevant to the conversation- I have faith in things that other people will or won't do. This faith is founded on trust, and not scientific fact- but in keeping with my Agnostic tendencies, I would never lay claim to any amount of certainty that these people will continue acting in the way I expect.