Braking - All Republicans to Suspend Campaigns
Wed Sep 24, 2008 at 05:49:47 PM PDT
In a joint statement, Congressional leaders from both the House and the Senate and almost all rank and file members stood together on the steps of Congress and announced that all Republicans in contested races would immediately suspend their campaigns to focus on fixing the American economy.
"We're facing the ultimate test of our national will as we attempt to resolve policies that began with Carter's Community Reinvestment Act and were exacerbated by Clinton's mistakes", said an embattled President Bush before his press conference.
If Democrats don’t immediately join us in stopping "politics as usual" in this time of great national crisis, anything bad that happens will be their fault." said Senate Minority leader John Boehner, who added that is was most important now to join John McCain in putting America First.
Senator Mitch McConnell added that there was a severe talking point shortage on the Republican side of the aisle, and that the Republicans needed to suspend campaigns immediately. "We’re hoping that Democrats might join the least popular President ever in crafting some legislation that we can then run against. Without that, we’re facing the rage of the American people for screwing the pooch."
Senator Joe Lieberman joined in the criticism of Democrats, and suggested that perhaps the election should be postponed, so that our current leaders would not be faced with questions and criticism when they needed to work together to protect the wealth of the nation.
Congressman Dana Rohrabacher ( R, Huntington Beach) in perhaps the most pointed comments, blamed the imminent collapse of the financial system on "feminists. radical environmentalists, and illegal immigrants. I’ve warned for years about terrorists at Disneyland killing your families if we didn’t torture enough people, and the end of the American way of life if we didn’t fight the hoax of global warming. Now we’re facing a Depression by Monday if environmentalists who care more about animals than people don’t immediately stop criticizing Republican and our policies."
Speaker Nancy Pelosi was momentarily speechless when informed of the announcement. "This is a joke, isn't it?" When informed that this was the official position, she shook her head and walked briskly away.
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