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Officials ordered nine Muslim passengers off an AirTran flight headed to Orlando from Reagan National Airport yesterday afternoon after two other passengers overheard what they thought was a suspicious remark.

"My brother and his wife were discussing some aspect of airport security," Irfan said. "The only thing my brother said was, 'Wow, the jets are right next to my window.'"

AirTran spokesman Tad Hutcheson agreed that the incident amounted to a misunderstanding but he denied any wrongdoing on the airline's part.

"At the end of the day, people got on and made comments they shouldn't have made on the airplane, and other people misconstrued them."

"It just so happened these people were of Muslim faith and appearance."

In the interest of stopping securities fraud...

Officials ordered nine Jewish patrons out off a bank yesterday after two other patrons overheard what they thought was a suspicious remark.

"My brother and his wife were just talking about Bernard Madoff," Stein said. "The only thing my brother said was, 'Wow, I wonder how he pulled that off!'"

Bank owner Tad Hutcheson agreed that the incident amounted to a misunderstanding, but denied any wrongdoing on First Securities part.

"At the end of the day, people made comments they shouldn't have made in a bank, and other people misconstrued them."

"It just so happened these people were wearing yarmulkes and eschewing ham."

In the interest of stopping drunk driving incidents...

Officials ordered nine Irish patons out off a bar yesterday evening after two other drinkers overheard what they thought was a suspicious remark.

"My brother and his wife were just talking about having a couple of drinks," O'Callahan said. "The only thing my brother said was, 'Wow, I think I'm going to knock back a few!'"

Bar owner Tad Hutcheson agreed that the incident amounted to a misunderstanding, but denied any wrongdoing on The Drink'n'Brew's part.

"At the end of the day, people made comments they shouldn't have made in an establishment of libations, and other people misconstrued them."

"It just so happened these people had red hair, pale skin, and freckles."

In the interest of stopping auto theft...

Officials ordered nine African-American patrons off a car lot yesterday afternoon after two other potential buyers overheard what they thought was a suspicious remark.

"My brother and his wife were just talking about buying a SUV," Lincoln said. "The only thing my brother said was, 'Wow, I I'd really like the tan one!'"

Lot owner Tad Hutcheson agreed that the incident amounted to a misunderstanding, but denied any wrongdoing on the lot's part.

"At the end of the day, people made comments they shouldn't have made while standing next to automobiles, and other people misconstrued them."

"It just so happened these people had dark skin and could dunk a basketball."

In the interest of stopping child-molestation...

Officials ordered nine homosexuals out of an adoption agency yesterday afternoon after two other applicants overheard what they thought was a suspicious remark.

"My brother and his husband were just talking about adopting a child," Steve #1 said. "The only thing my brother said was, 'I've always wanted a boy!'"

Adoption agency owner Tad Hutcheson agreed that the incident amounted to a misunderstanding, but denied any wrongdoing on his part.

"At the end of the day, people made comments they shouldn't have made around small children, and other people misconstrued them."

"It just so happened these people were well dressed, liked opera and both happened to be named Steve."

In the interest of stopping asinine actions by Americans...

Officials ordered nine card carrying Republicans out of the country yesterday after two citizens overheard what they thought was a suspicious remark about someone else's suspicious remark.

"My brother was talking about whether there were any terrorists around," Karl Bob Jr. said. "The only thing my brother said was, 'I'm thinking about reporting a suspicious event!'"

Country owner George W. Hutcheson agreed that the incident amounted to a misunderstanding, but denied any wrongdoing on his administrations part.

"At the end of the day, people made comments about comments they shouldn't have (while possibly possessing weapons of mass destruction) and other people misconstrued misconstruing them."

"It just so happened these people were eating Happy Meals and wearing t-shirts emblazoned with the phrase, "You can look, but you can't touch"."

Oh, and if you'd like to know where to REACH TAD HUTCHESON... that'd be here.

Originally posted to SYFPH on Fri Jan 02, 2009 at 02:59 PM PST.

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