On the last day of summer,
ten hours before fall . . .
. . . my grandfather took me
out to the Wall.
For a while he stood silent.
Then finally he said,
with a very bad shake
of his very old head,
"As you know, on this side of the Wall
we are Yooks.
On the far other side of this Wall
live the Zooks."
Then my grandfather said,
"It's high time that you knew
of the terribly horrible thing that Zooks do.
In every Zook house and in every Zook town
every Zook eats his bread
with the butter side down!"
"But we Yooks, as you know,
when we breakfast or sup,
spread our bread," Grandpa said,
"with the butter side up.
That's the right, honest way!"
Grandpa gritted his teeth.
"So you can't trust a Zook who spreads bread underneath!
Every Zook must be watched!
He has kinks in his soul!
That's why, as a youth, I made watching my goal,
watching Zooks for the Zook-Watching Border Patrol!
. . .
Yook. Zook.
Butter side up. Butter side down.
Israel. Palestine.
Jew. Muslim.
You tell me, which is more rational?
Pointless fights over identity will be the death of the human race. When will we collectively say, enough is enough?
. . .
I raced to his office. The place was a sight.
"Have no fears," said the Chief. "Everything is all right.
My Bright Back Room Boys have been brighter than bright.
They've thought up a gadget that's Newer than New.
It is filled with mysterious Moo-Lacka-Moo
and can blow all those Zooks clear to Sala-ma-goo.
THEY'VE INVENTED
THE BITSY
BIG-BOY BOOMEROO!
"You just run to the Wall like a nice little man."
Drop this bomb on the Zooks just as fast as you can.
I have ordered all Yooks to stay safe underground"
while the Bitsy Big-Boy Boomeroo is around."
As I raced for that Wall, with the bomb in my hand,
I noticed that every last Yook in our land
was obeying our Chief Yookeroo's grim command.
They were all bravely marching,
with banners aflutter,
down a hole! For their country!
And Right-Side-Up Butter!
That's when Grandfather found me!
He grabbed me. He said,
"You should be down that hole!
And you're up here instead!
But perhaps this is all for the better, somehow.
You will se me make history!
RIGHT HERE! AND RIGHT NOW!"
Grandpa lept up that Wall with a lopulous leap
and he cleared his hoarse throat
with a bopulous beep.
He screamed, "Here's the end of that terrible town
full of Zooks who eat bread with the butter side down!"
And at that very instant we heard a klupp-klupp
of feet on the Wall and old VanItch klupped up!
The Boys in HIS Back Room had made him one too!
In his fist was another Big-Boy Boomeroo!
"I'll blow you," he yelled, "into pork and wee beans!
I'll butter-side-up you to small smithereens!"
"Grandpa! I shouted. "Be careful! Oh, gee!
Who's going to drop it?
Will you . . . ? Or will he . . . ?
"Be patient," said Grandpa. "We'll see.
We will see . . . "
If only Seuss wrote our holy books....
PEACE!