I did not expect to post a second diary so soon after getting the nerve to post my first, but I have been handed another bunch of sour grapes that I must eat.
I am one of the overlooked citizens of America. I have issues that prevent me from maintaining a normal life. What is normal from my point of view you may ask? Seeking and obtaining work that is satisfying in some way, pursuing my goal of returning to school and finishing my associate's degree, having enough funds to feed myself and keep some sort of roof over my head, and finally, having someone in social services go just a few extra steps for me, to ensure I don't end up further scarred due to the lack of at least a minimum of health care.
I was one of people scattered about the country following Katrina. I was struggling before the storm and struggled even more afterward. Because I have battled untreated insomnia and likely manic depression for so many years, my work record is pretty spotty. I had so little (material items) when I left New Orleans, there was very little reason to return when the bulk of it was damaged or destroyed. When I arrived in Florida, I received a little help, but the majority of it was from my own efforts. The government told me I lost nothing so I was entitled to no help from them whatsoever. It is only thanks to Catholic Charities setting me up in an apartment that I managed to start over with some sense of normalcy. The one thing I never received following the storm was some sort of grief counseling, to get over the fact that what little life I had was now gone.
Somehow, I managed to enroll in a local community college not long after my arrival, but I was forced to withdraw the last two terms due to instability in my living arrangements. For over 2 years I had my own apartment I shared with my buddy, Bozo the cat, but for the last 7 months I have been forced to live with various friends because work is so scarce here and I am incapable of paying the high rents in the area. The handful of rent controlled properties in the area have waiting lists that are dreadfully long (minimum 1 year). As for work, even fast food restaurants turn me away because of the sheer number of other applicants that have waiting for some form of work. Heck, even the local Wal-mart did not hire anyone for the Xmas holidays due to horrible sales. Mind you, no one is hiring large numbers of employees these days except for the local specialty, phone sales. I tried doing that when I first arrived and realized that honesty and phone sales just do not mix. I worked at 5 different boiler room locations before I felt the urge to strangle the next "supervisor" that stuck his head into my space and ordered me to push harder or any one of a dozen other phrases. I will not repeat that horror! One of the major stumbling blocks to gainful employment is lack of easy access to public transportation since I was forced to sell my car last May due to my budget.
The goodwill my friends extended to me is all but used up. Through no real fault of their own, their situation has worsened and my presence only strains their situation further. I was told last night my stay at my friend's house must come to an end. They know my situation in full detail and it grieves them to do this. I wish them the best and cannot thank them enough for the kindness they extended to me. Now, I must somehow find a way to keep from ending up on the streets. Social services has turned me away on multiple occasions due to staffing and budget cuts so, that is not an option for me. It seems my stay here in Florida has ended.
Lucky for me, my younger brother in Ponchatoula, La. bought a fairly decent sized home long before the idea of a real estate bubble formed. When I spoke to him earlier, he sympathized and a room offer was extended. While I am thankful to know I won't be headed to live on the streets, I am left wondering how living there will help me accomplish any of the other necessities of living. He lives "out in the sticks" of Ponchatoula so a vehicle is a must. Public transportation does not exist out there of course. School and a job seem unlikely to say the least. He also informed me that his job ( he is a firefighter) is seeking 30% pay cuts across the board, except for the higher ups of course, which will strain his budget as well.
Before I carry on any further with spilling my sour grapes across the blog, let me say this: I realize how extremely lucky I am to have made such good friends that they took me in, hoping things would improve for me. I am even more lucky that my brother can now take me in when my friends can support me no longer. Living on the streets cannot be an easy thing, especially for someone with even relatively minor health issues such as mine. My mind cannot and will not contemplate such a fate.
Today was spent contacting old friends who returned to the New Orleans area, Metairie to be more specific, asking about work and possible temporary living arrangements. So far, I know nothing other than they want to help me and will do so if they can. My father and evil step-mother are not an option for me unless I was about to live in the streets. Without going over ugly details, suffice it to say we don't get along. My mother and older brother both passed away a year after Katrina so, they are not around to help me. While my options are limited, at least I still have a few remaining.
I know I am not alone in my plight and so many others have it even worse than I. Still, as I deal with my situation and see so little hope for my near future, I quake with fear. Shall I soon be one of the truly forgotten? Living in alleyways and barely surviving does not sound like any way to live. Over the years I did meet many homeless people and held some limited dialogues with them. Will I too be one of those mumblers whose head is so full of trauma that I lose touch with the world around me? The people I served at the soup kitchens while volunteering went through a minor transformation as they entered the dining area, but hours later as they resumed their hard life on the streets, their madness resumed its normal course. If there is any justice in this society, I will not become one of those lost souls.
Many people have told me that I am bright and belong in a place doing great things. What that great thing is, I have yet to discover. With my first diary posted here, I was told I should write more about my life because it was a tale that needs to be told. Right now my life seems so trivial considering the circumstances I am in, that I just don't see how others could be interested in hearing it. Somehow, maybe, just maybe, the writing will help me or someone else in trouble. I will endeavor to tell my tale in more detail, even if only in a personal journal form, and possibly see it published for others to see.
Please forgive my rambling. I did not mean to carry on for so long, but my head is overflowing with thoughts at present. And please, do not worry too much for me, I still retain a few grains of hope yet.