After snarling and spitting at Bush, Cheney, Rove, Rumsfeld, Gonzales, Addington, etc. for eight years, some of us have entirely forgotten the respiratory hydraulics of the deep sigh – but we may have to relearn it.
An inclusive, overly reasonable presidency – with Republicans in the cabinet and a gay-basher desecrating the inaugural’s invocation — is as post-partisan (and as unfulfilling) as coitus interruptus in the rutting season.
Where is the legion of avenging angels with fiery swords to prosecute the weasels, criminals, and subverters of the constitution who have smugly flouted our principles, values, and laws for lo these many years?
(Sigh)
I have a suggestion. What I really want are prosecutions, but if that righteous bloodlust is sacrificed in the name of consensualism (Sigh) (Gag), then here is a way to be compassionate, collaborative, bipartisan, and really, really nice – and to get revenge anyway, and to leave the door open to future prosecutions in case some enterprising small-town D.A. or International Criminal Court judge should later decide to take matters into his own hands.
Here’s the plan.
A president can pardon a presumed criminal at any time, including the time before he or she is convicted or even charged with a crime. Barack Obama, in the spirit of reconciliation, amnesty, brotherhood, and oceanic schadenfreudeless weltanschauung, could graciously issue a series of highly selective presidential pardons, one each to every member of the Bush Administration hall of shame.
A presidential pardon makes it clear to all the world and for all time that the person pardoned is the perpetrator of a crime. I’m feeling better already.
The fact that George Bush, like Richard Nixon, got a presidential pardon would forever attach to his tainted legacy.
I say highly selective pardons because each evildoer could be excused for only one very specific, narrow fraction of his rap-sheet. A person who is obviously guilty of, say, a dozen crimes could be pardoned for one of them and left vulnerable to prosecution for any or all of the eleven others.
Such as?
Pardon Karl Rove, Monica Goodling, and Harriet Myers for firing one U.S. attorney as a part of their political strategy for voter suppression. Pick one. That leaves 10 other U.S. attorneys who were wrongfully removed – 10 possible indictments for each of the administration conspirators.
Hundreds of no-bid contracts were issued to Bush/Cheney cronies at inflated prices for work they never accomplished in Iraq. Pick one, and pardon Rumsfeld, Bremer, Cheney (who had headed the company receiving many such contracts), or whoever else was involved. One contract. Leave the rest for possible prosecution and recovery of funds later.
Pardon Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Gonzales, and John Yoo for the torture of one specific prisoner. Hundreds of others would remain as possibly open cases. And there are many other crimes and criminals.
No lowlife need be left unpardoned.
Oh, yes, and issue a presidential pardon of Clarence Thomas for the flagrantly improper decision in the Florida recount. Poor Clarence. He just fell into bad company. It was Antonin Scalia who masterminded the raid and led the other conservative justices in the plot to stop the recount and install the loser in the White House. They stole the presidency – what’s that, a misdemeanor?
Now I realize that no legal scholar would approve of prosecuting a Supreme Court justice for a decision, no matter how stupid or how politically motivated it may have been. But we’re not prosecuting them, are we? We’re suggesting a presidential pardon – a magnanimous gesture, like George Bush awarding a Medal of Freedom to any crony who had done something really rotten – and in this case, a gesture that is tactfully left unhindered by the constitution.
Who could object?
(Sigh)