Wolf Blitzer: A startling new development from the soon-to-be Obama Whitehouse! He's supposed to be passing legislation, but instead, inside sources say he's passing gas. More on this turn of events when we return from our commercial break.
[Back from break, semi-martial music in lead-in.]
WB: Inside sources in the Obama transition team inform us that, at a social gathering earlier today, President-elect Obama passed gas. More on this shocking new twist in the President-Elect's political fortunes fro our White House correspondent, Candy Crowley. Candy, what can you tell us about this newest incident in the transition?
CC: Well, Wolf, understandably, President-elect Obama's transition team is downplaying this incident as a minor gaffe. However, one of our sources on the transition team has told us that the President-elect did, in fact, pass gas sometime after lunch today.
WB: I think the colloquial term for that is "farting," is it not?
CC: That's right, Wolf. We are not yet clear on the number of people in the room who may have been affected by the gas, but our source assures us that the actual passing of the gas may have gone on for as long as six or seven seconds, and caused quite a stir. Our source says that the emanation had a distinctly garlicky smell to it.
WB: Do you think what Obama had for luch may have affected the duration, or the pungency of the emanation?
CC: We don't have confirmation of that, Wolf, but I think that's a pretty safe bet.
WB: Did anyone require medical attention, or did anyone faint, that sort of thing?
CC: We're still trying to determine the extent of the incident, Wolf, but we did notice several paramedics in the area, so it's likely at least one of the guest was affected.
WB: I can tell you, as an aside, that sometimes my father would blame his on the dog. Of course, we all knew it couldn't have been the dog; you can just tell the difference. Speaking of which, Obama doesn't even have that as a potential face-saving excuse, does he? The whole issue of the Presidential Dog has yet to be resolved.
CC: Right again, Wolf. I remember a function put on by the Russian ambassador where his wife passed gas (I was right next to her), and let me tell you, it was a struggle to keep a grip on my champaign glass. The Ambassadoe, however, had his Akita, Gorbechev, nearby, as a fallback. With some cooperation from the guests, it worked. However, President=Elect Obama has to bear the brunt of this incident by himself.
WB: Indeed he does, Candy. Thanks for that report.
WB: To discuss the political implications of this incident, we are joined by CNN Political Contributor Roland Martin; by CNN Senior Political Analyst David Gergen; and by former Congressman Newt Gingrich. David, how do you think this affects Obama's bank of political capital, as it were? Does this hamper his ability to move his domestic agenda forward?
DG: Well, certainly, it affects his politicla agenda in that certain people may be less inclined to be in the same room with him. Some of the conference rooms in the White House, for example, are rather small, and can be somewhat close. It's my understanding that Obama will be the kind of President who likes to work through lunch, mesning that everyone at the table's going to be thinking "What goes in must come out," and will start looking at their watches more than trying to solve the nation's problems.
WB: Roland, your response?
RM: Look, I understand that this was an unfortunate incident, but we have to keep in mind that President-elect Obama is not a superman, he's a human being just like you and me. And I think that, as he is the kind of leader that reflects the nations' hopes and aspirations to the extent that he has, that we have to be prepared to make certain allowances. In any event, this thing really has been blown a bit out of proportion...
DG, WB: [Snicker]
NG: "Blown out of proportion" - that's funny.
RM: I'm not making a joke here! Look, I think this is the kind of thing that can happen to any President, and probably has; we just don't hear about it.
WB: [To Roland] I have to wonder, too, what would have happened had a President Obama let loose in an important summit like the G-8. Could that have harmed the United States' credibility internationally?
RM: I really don't think so, Wolf. Look, most of the buildings in which these meetings are held are pretty well-ventilated, and there's always the possibility of negotiating an open-air location for most of the meetings.
NG: Wolf, I think we have to consider the qustion, too, of whether this was simply an isolated incident, or the first in a long string of gas passings? I mean, I think Obama owes it to the American people to disclose whether or not he could be a serial farter. For example, I can tell you from experience that Clinton was a notorious passer of gas. I think it was because he liked onions on his cheeseburgers so much, but who really knows? Anyway, the Republican leadership, after working with President Clinton on the many important issues facing the nation at that time, finally decided they couldn't stand being around him any longer. The order cam from the top down: Clinton must be impeached.
WB: Wait a minute - Clinton was impeached because he passed gas? What about Whitewater, Monical Lewinsky, and all the other scandals?
NG: We really could have let all that pass--hey, now I'M making jokes!--but it really got to be too much to stomach, so we decided he had to go. It's laid out in more detail in my new book.
WB: David, you worked in the Clinton White House for a time; can you confirm Mr. Gingrich's stunning new charges?
DG: Well, Wolf, I can say that it definitely helped to have an impaired sense of smell, or a stiff sense of decorum. I often wondered if Hillary Clinton had an olfactory disorder.
WB: [Turning to viewers] Stunning developments, indeed. Just a passing problem, or the start of a downward spiral for the incoming Obama administration? We'll be back in a few moments on CNN with more 24/7 coverage of these latest developments from the Obama transition, along with a viewer poll. [Fade to commercial.]
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So remember, boys and girls, when you're watching the Inauguration, the First 100 Days, and, hell, the first four years of the Obama presidency, most of what the media are doing is just passing gas.
Happy Inauguration!