Dear diary, this week I did so much, I can't wait to let you know all
about it. And it was such fun! Let's see, I
- Voted against a large tax cut for bazillions of people. But I'm sure Democrats won't use this against me in 2010.
- Voted to keep the Alternative Minimum Tax in force for 2009 (a tax hated by many upper-middle-class Americans). But I'm sure Democrats won't use that against me in 2010 either.
- Voted against creating millions of jobs. Democrats will use this against me in 2010, but I don't care. Where i come from, the only people without jobs are illegal immigrants.
- Increased the chance that the hated Democrats will take Pennsylvania's Senate seat in 2010, by castigating that RINO traitor Arlen Specter. (Pennsylvania isn't real America, so it doesn't matter.)
- Increased the chance that the hated Democrats will take New Hampshire's Senate seat in 2010, by being complicit in making Judd look like an idiot. (New Hampshire is real small, and real cold, so it doesn't matter either.)
- Increased the chance that the hated Democrats will take complete control of Congress in 2010 with 60 or more Senate seats -- see previous accomplishments! -- by linking myself to a) The Taliban and b) economic failure, hopelessness and collapse. That will be great! After 2010, I won't have to do a damned thing except sit in my office on Capitol Hill and go to fund raisers where I can drink myself silly and rail against the hated Democrats. No filibusters, no points of order. No sense even going to vote. Easy livin'.
- Was proud to look like a heartless asshole! I refused to let the stimulus bill pass without the last vote (even though it was certain to pass). I insisted that my
friend bitter enemy Sherrod Brown fly back from his mother's funeral to vote instead of letting a retiring Republican cast the 60th vote. That will surely put all the people in positions of power in Washington on notice not to f*ck with me!
- And, oh yeah, I watched my buddy Norm Coleman make a complete fool of himself! He argued against the rule of law and in favor of making it easier to commit voter fraud (at least according to standard Republican dogma), then had the Minnesota Election Court judges smack him around like Tyson battering Spinks. Nothing like a fight night out with the boys, even if it's my bud spewing blood all over the arena.
Well, that's all I can think of for this week. But I'm sure I'll have
a whole bunch more for you soon.