I am probably one of the few Americans who laughed out loud at a certain line in Bobbie Jindal's awful-moments-not-with-Mr. Lincon speech tonight. If Bobbie Jindal weren't the Governor of a state that had been so tragically affected by a lack of foresight and disaster aftercare, his comments on the stimulus and, in particular, a certain aspect of the stimulus would have been truly hilarious. As I will explain, I am in unique position to appreciate how very idiotic his remarks were, how bankrupt his ideas are (i.e., government is bad and free market anarchy is good!), and how embarrassed I am for the party that thought it was putting its best giant clown foot forward by having this man give its rebuttal to President Obama's speech.
Although I am from California, a boyfriend literally seduced me into moving to New Orleans sight unseen many years ago. Blanche. That was me (although much younger and of course more beautiful).I was initially horrified by the locals. But then I got into it and then New Orleans got into my blood. Then I left my love and New Orleans. A few years ago, I returned after a hiatus of ten years and was seduced for a second time by its hidden courtyards, great foods, its sultry nights and its seriously crazed and bohemian populous. With an inheritance, I bought a very small French Quarter Condo. Then Katrina came.
Like the rest of the world, I watched in horror as the Bush Government did nothing while American citizens steamed to death, were shot while trying to escape, or starved and drowned. I went down just a few weeks after Katrina to check on the condo (it was fine). Entering the city was a truly surreal experience -- somewhat akin to entering a war zone after the war.
Parts of the French Quarter were lit only by gaslamp again, few citizens were about, very few restaurants were open. Water sources were unreliable and a little smelly. Although New Orleans is quite foreign under normal circumstances, there was really a sense that you were no longer in America, and that there was no government. I had the clear sense that if New Orleans were still under the French flag that the tragedy would not have taken place in the first place, and that if a tragedy had taken place, the French government would have sent troops, food, money, engineers and would have a program for renewal. I was disgusted.
After Katrina, my propensity for odd corners of America re-asserted itself, one thing lead to another and I ended up acquiring a beautiful retirement home in the Puna District of the Big Island of Hawaii, below Hilo. It's not Maui, but it is gorgeous, sustainable (lots of rainful, balmy temperatures every single day, and plants grow easily), and there are lots and lots of liberals.
Uh, of course, no place is perfect and my bit of Paradise is no exception. It is perched on the flanks of the world's most active volcano: Kilauea. Hawaiian volcanoes are geologically distinct in that they tend to flow, not blow (there are exceptions!!) and there has not been a flow in my area in about six hundred years. In geological time, my front yard will be recovered in lava. In near human time, probably not. Kilauea is known as the drive-in volcano, because you can literally drive to the summit, and can (at the moment) drive within walking distance of an active flow which spills spectactularly into the cobalt blue ocean.
However, the potential is there, and the very day I closed escrow, Kilauea decided to send a flow in the general direction of my house. Although several miles removed, the narrow finger of lava was pointing vaguely toward my neighborhood. That brought home for me that the risk was real. However, I was able to monitor the situation very closely through one of the finest and most interesting of our National Parks: Hawaii Volcanoes National Park. They have webcams and a very detailed monitoring service so they can keep islanders and visitors apprised of the volcano goddesses' activities. Millions of visitors come every year to see one of America's most spectacular attractions.
So what does this have to do with Jindal? Here is what he said tonight, in pertinent part: "While some of the projects in the bill make sense, their legislation is larded with wasteful spending. It includes $300 million to buy new cars for the government, $8 billion for high-speed rail projects, such as a 'magnetic levitation' line from Las Vegas to Disneyland, and $140 million for something called 'volcano monitoring.' Instead of monitoring volcanoes, what Congress should be monitoring is the eruption of spending in Washington, DC."
When he said the words "volcano monitoring" his voice was dripping with feigned sarcasm.
Well, monitoring one of America's (yep, Hawaii is in America) most interesting natural phenomena seems like a pretty good idea if only for science's sake (remember science?) and also because Hawaii's volcanoes could affect Hawaii's second largest city (Hilo), a military installation, and a major tourist area (Kona Coast). I really do want these volcanoes monitored, and so do most visitors.
I mean, we do want to be prepared, don't we Governor Jindal? Oh, wait. Now we don't --not if the Government is involved. We will save the people of New Orleans only if church groups paddle in with canoes and sandwiches. We can have great schools, but only if they are private. And we will only monitor volcanoes if the sparse population of Hawaii Island chooses to hire some guy to do it.
Governor Jindal did a great service tonight by keeping his grim vision of what America could be away from Mardi Gras revelers in his state who doubtless were not tuned into this anorexic meanderings. I am also glad that he stated the Republican philosophy so very clearly: we hate government.
In that case, Mr. Jindal, we invite you to leave it. In the meantime, whatever you do, even though the following activity is taking place within close proximity to a city of about 40,000 people, whatever you do, DON'T MONITOR IT!:
picture © Leigh Hilbert (used with permission).