Cross-posted to Vermont's Green Mountain Daily
I want to start by explaining that marriage is something that is, personally, an abstraction. I get that people get married. I get why they get married. There are some very specific practical reasons for it, but those to me are more a matter of functional benefit than any emotional tie to it.
I could spend days trying to figure out why I view it so differently from most people I know, but I know that the way my mind works, I view all sorts of things differently from most people I know, but that's not entirely relevant here.
This is what's relevant here (hat tip myDD):
In Vermont, we've had civil unions for nearly a decade now. The battle over them was intense, nasty and bitter. There were bumper stickers with obscene comments about a particular sex act that were frequently visible. People completely freaked out about the sanctity of marriage. Some groups went around the area sponsoring anti-gay slide-shows talking about the dangers of homosexuality.
In 2007 & 2008, we had hearings around the state on same-sex marriage (I love blogged one of those here). The comments were nearly unanimous in support of it.
I watched most of the debate in Massachusetts over same-sex marriage during their constitutional convention over the matter. It was a fascinating shift-- first with people opposing all forms of recognition of same-sex couples, and very quickly changing to civil unions as being the conservative alternative to full marriage and then just leaving it at full marriage. In Vermont, those opposed to same-sex marriage are still trying very hard to bar the door. As was reported in Green Mountain Daily:
The party line then (emphasis added):
Family groups believe Vermont’s "civil unions" law will have a negative impact on the state and may be used to undermine marriage laws across the country.
Janet Parshall, chief spokeswoman for the Family Research Council, decried the lawmakers’ action.
"This is ‘gay marriage’ in everything but name, and it is a direct assault on society’s most essential institution," Parshall said.
The party line now:
"It appears that, from their side," said (Stephen) Cable (President of the "Center for American Cultural Renewal" in Rutland), "it is a battle of semantics, and being in a position of being more accepted in terms of the word ‘marriage.’ From our perspective, ‘marriage’ is drastically different. The word marriage," he said, "implies, you know, it implies [the] opposite sex can form a union. So it’s very, very different from our perspective."
I get a bit complacent about all this sometimes. I don't generally come out to people really, because it doesn't occur to me that they don't know I'm a lesbian. I reference my partner by name in casual conversation so anyone who doesn't know will figure it out pretty quickly, but I rarely use language to describe our relationship that anyone else wouldn't use. I.e., I refer to our anniversary, our house, etc.
It doesn't really occur to me to approach this any different way.
And yes, there are political opportunists who attack homosexuality, and there is occasionally harassment in Vermont and governor Douglas actually used the threat of same-sex marriage as part of his fundraising material.
But still, I feel like, you know these people are just nuts and I think most people get that they're nuts.
Then I pull up Pam's House Blend and read that a Spanish jury acquitted a man of murder. What was his crime? Killing two gay men. How did he kill them? He stabbed them 57 times, looted their apartment to make it look like a robbery and then set the place ablaze.
His defense? Gay panic.
I look at that video above from the courage campaign and I look at this story and I just don't even know what to say or do about it. It's just terrifying to me.
It's not like I've never been threatened by homophobes before. I have (though not in a long time). But I just think... this doesn't make any sense. It's so completely insane to me and I just look at this and I just want to scream out "what the hell is wrong with you people?"
But that's not just about that murder or that jury. That's really about Proposition 8 and the groups that oppose same-sex marriage in Vermont, and about anyone who thinks that they should be enforcing their anti-gay prejudices through the law.
It's really about what, to me, is the simplicity of this issue: we are human beings, like anyone else, and we deserve to be treated no better or worse than anyone else as a result of our sexual orientation.
This seems like it should be simple, but it's also pretty damned clear that not everyone gets it.
And I honestly don't know what to do other than to just present a real and true face of humanity to these people and hope for the best.