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"What?

I owe your client money? Mr. Debt Collection Agency Guy for the child delivery doctors office / health insurance whatever.

Of course you can collect it. You can come collect it right now from My Ass.

Michigan's unemployment rate surged to 11.6% for the month of January. And that's the folks who kept looking for jobs. If my sources are right, and I'm pretty sure they are, we no longer count the Unemployed. We just count the Employed. I stick my head out the window every day and yell "Hey Mike! You still a police officer?"

And he says 'Yep.'

He's the token Employed Guy in town. We make fun of him. Him and his pile of money.

Yes. Of course I WANT to pay your client. What am I a jerk?

Here's what I'd do if I were you. I'd threaten me with nuking my credit! That will REALLY light a fire under my feet. Maybe that will make money magically appear, because even if I had good credit SOOO many places are lending money right now.

OH silly me. Here it is in my ass! So THAT'S where I've been keeping all my money.

Wait! The news is on!

HOLY CRAP! Breaking news!

Did you know there's a disasterous recession on? And it's been going on in Michigan for...WHAT? Eight Years! Wow. I bet the collections business is keeping Indians WELL employed. Good for you guys. I always said the British East India Company really screwed you guys over. It's about time they had their come-uppance. This outsourcing boon couldn't have happened to a nicer sub-continent.

Yes. I KNOW I owe your client money for having that baby. We would have held it in if we could have. But between you and me my wife always has had a weak constitution. Our insurance company is of the same opinion as you. We really should have gestated longer. I kept telling my wife that but you know women. Right? Am I right? Women! Huh? Yeah, you know what I mean. 'Ow, Ow my vagina! A baby is coming out. Ow!'

Wimps.

Anyway. Yeah. You come over here and I'll have your money right here waiting for you in my ass."

Originally posted to Muskegon Critic on Sun Mar 08, 2009 at 09:05 PM PDT.

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