Today, CBS's Chip Reid lit into White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs for mocking former Vice President Dick Cheney. Strangely enough, Reid had nothing to say about Cheney's constant attacks on the current president.
Last week, Glenn Beck and Chuck Norris began speculating that disagreement with President Obama's policies could be grounds for secession. Just a couple of years ago, Republicans branded such talk treasonous when directed at President Bush.
And comparing Republican talking points from Minnesota '08 to Florida '00... hoo boy, is that a mind bender.
Confused? Don't be! It's the Republican's best friend, IOKIYAR.
It's becoming increasingly apparent that we'll be seeing much more of this neat little rule over the next four years, so I thought it would be helpful to provide everyone with a summary of the main principles of IOKIYAR. (While I've taken pains to be as detailed as possible, I apologize in advance for key omissions... IOKIYAR is a constantly evolving set of principles, and it's easy to miss out on its latest amendments.)
"It's OK If You're A Republican" -- The Founding Principles
- The Limbaugh Rule: Only Republicans are permitted to openly criticize the president and root for his failure. (If done by a non-Republican, this is known as being "unpatriotic.")
1b) The Beck-Norris Amendment: It is also acceptable to threaten secession from the United States due to the election of a president you don't like. (This rule dates back to 1860, when Southern Democrats invoked it against a Republican president. But Republicans don't do irony, so feel free to ignore this historical tidbit.) [See also Rule No. 4, "The Coulter Clause."]
- The Vitter Gambit: Republicans may patronize prostitutes and/or cheat on their spouses with impunity. Just say it was some "personal failing" and that Jesus has forgiven you for it. (If you're a Democrat, resign immediately, as adultery is an impeachable offense if a Democrat does it.)
- The Palin Principle: Paying your taxes is optional. Republicans don't believe in 'em, anyway. (This is one of the cool things about being a Republican; if you're a Democrat, this automatically disqualifies you from consideration for public office, even if the error was unintentional.)
- The Coulter Clause: It is perfectly acceptable for a Republican to "joke" about the assassination of political opponents. You are permitted (and encouraged) to loudly argue that your First Amendment rights are being violated if you are criticized as a result.
- The Faux News Commandment of News Coverage: Tilting news coverage to favor the Republican and/or conservative viewpoint is being "fair and balanced." Failure to do so -- or, worse, giving prominent airing to the views of a progressive representative -- immediately stains a journalist as a "member of the liberal media."
5a) The Truthiness Corollary: If you're working on a news story and the facts do not fit the conservative viewpoint, it is acceptable to simply make shit up. (Faux News had a great demonstration of this rule this weekend with its creative editing of a six-month-old campaign appearance by Joe Biden.)
5b) The Drudge Clause: It isn't news until Matt Drudge has touted it.
- The Second Palin Principle: Elected Republican officials are permitted to abuse any and all privileges they are entitled to as elected officials. Remember, the Republican brand is built on proving government is inherently wasteful and corrupt, and you're just helping make a point.
- The Malkin-Hannity Provisio: It is acceptable for a Republican to associate openly with known racists and/or radicals. (Example: Having your picture taken with someone holding a swastika sign.) Democrats should not even think about doing this.
7b) The New York Post Amendment (formerly known as the Second Limbaugh Rule): As of mid-2008, it is OK for Republicans or Republican-friendly media outlets to make jokes that imply that an African-American politician is a monkey, or similar racially tinged attacks (such as constantly playing a song on your radio show that calls the President of the United States "The Magic Negro"). If you are accused of racism, simply feign shock that anyone could possibly suggest that you are a racist. If you're feeling particularly bold, take offense and accuse your attacker of reverse racism.
- The Reagan Rule of Accounting: Budget deficits are always acceptable if incurred by Republicans, particularly if they are used to pay for giving rich people a tax cut. By contrast, if deficits are incurred by a Democratic administration, they represent the irresponsible squandering of the fiscal resources of future generations.
- The Bailout Ordinance: If a Republican president injects taxpayer funds into a private company to head off its insolvency, it is always a prudent measure designed to head off economic collapse. If done by a Democrat, it is socialism.
9b) The Paycheck Principle: Even if a company receives bailout money, it is legally impossible and undesirable to break a contract with highly compensated executives, even if it results in the payment of taxpayer-funded, multi-million-dollar bonuses to complete idiots. However, if the contract applies to a line-level employee -- say, a member of the United Auto Workers union -- the contact is unacceptable, and must be renegotiated immediately. (For further clarification on the philosophical basis of this principle, refer to Rule No. 8. Most things are permissible when done to further enrich the wealthy.)
- The Florida Law: If an election is unusually close and involves a controversial recount, judges must immediately intervene to stop the recount and declare a winner if the Republican is ahead. If the Democrat is in the lead, a revote is the only acceptable resolution (the Coleman Amendment).