Yesterday, over at TheZoo, we reported that Chuck Todd, an uber Washington elitist, and total Villager, had the audacity to ask what specific sacrifices Obama was going to ask of the American people.
I was advised that I should have included Ed Henry in my original post because Mr. Henry decided to write a little self-serving piece at his CNN home.
Keep reading to find out what Ed Henry was REALLY thinking as he prepared to do battle with Obama.
I promise you will find this absolutely hysterical!
Ed Henry, (who looks like the lead contralto of a Glee Club) was the one who asked Obama why it had taken him two days to comment on the AIG bonuses (of about 10 days ago?) to which Obama replied "Because I like to know what I’m talking about before I say anything".
Despite being bitchslapped by one of the most popular presidents in US history, Ed seems to think he just earned a campaign medal and he’s just written a breathless movie treatment of his ‘story’ for the CNN website:
HENRY [article]: "I was heading into this event with the same strategy: make news on something unexpected (I won’t tell you which topics I was working on cause it would ruin the surprise for a future presser or interview with the president)."
(Great preamble, Ed! So your mission, your duty as a reporter, was to, make news? And your strategy is to compile what you think are relevant questions about week-old news? The old "element of surprise" gambit, eh? )
AS HENRY IMAGINES IT:
The Corps was nervous, cigarettes were shared as a silent bond, each man knowing it might be his last.
We had our orders, but as wet behind the ears Lieutenant I was eager to make my mark if HQ’s strategy didn’t pan out.
I had some plans of my own, but I kept them under my hat...er... helmet hoping to God and Betty Grable I wouldn’t have to use them.
A dog barked in the foggy distance. The low nervous chatter was silenced, the only noises now were the sounds of final weapons checks and last minute twitters and e-mails being pounded out on Blackberries. And then I just waited, for the signal I though would never come...—
HENRY [article]: "The pressure was on now because the president had called on me. Someone handed me a microphone, millions were watching, and it’s scary to think about changing topic in a split second because you might get flustered and screw up."
(OMG! OMG! I can’t believe it! He’s right there! OMG!)
AS ED HENRY IMAGINES IT:
"I saw Sgt. Chuck Todd tossed like a rag doll by a Panzerfaust, his leg blown off, but he was still alive, calling out for his booking agent. He talked a lot about sacrifice, and now he’d made a sacrifice of his own. But he was a fighter, and somehow I knew his contract wasn’t up yet.
But it was up to me to lead the Corps now.
Someone handed me a Garand, it was still warm from whoever gave it up—if I survived I’d have to take that soldiers’ press pass from around his neck and deliver it to his parents who probably still lived inside the Beltway.
The awesome responsibility that had suddenly fallen on me was terrifying for a split second and I hoped my cameramen had zoomed-in enough to capture the emotions playing across my youthful face as I grappled with moment.
And then I sprang my secret plan!
HENRY [article]: "So I waited patiently and then decided to pounce with a sharp follow-up. From just a few feet away, I could see in his body language that the normally calm and cool president was perturbed.
But it’s in moments like that, we sometimes find out what’s really on a president’s mind. In this case, he’s not happy about the scrutiny on AIG. So he did slap me down a bit. "
AS ED IMAGINES IT:
"I’d seen the Obergruppenfuhrer stagger from my shot, and with him out of action the resistance seemed to collapse.
But I had to make sure and I ran forward with just one round left. Just as I reached him I saw his body language suggest that he was pulling out his 9mm Walther.
Instinctively I fired straight ahead! But it’s in moments like that you discover that when a rifle is pointed downwards, shooting straight ahead means shooting yourself in the foot.
With a steady gaze the Obergruppenfhrer fired, right between my eyes.
The bullet passed right though my skull, but missed all my major organs!
Before I could reload the Obergruppenfuhrer was gone and the fight was over.
Doc "Wolf " Blitzer stuffed a rag into the empty space in my head and declared me fit to write this thrilling combat report, all about me.
Sure the liberal press called the engagement boring, but they weren’t there, they just watched live on their TeeVees.
But I’ll never forget that day, and the sacrifices Chuck Todd talked about, and I don’t intend to let anyone else forget that day either!
After all it was the reason I joined the Washington Press Corps in the first place—to make news!
After all isn’t that what all of us in the 1600th Pennsylvania Avenue ‘Fighting TV Journalists’ are fighting for–the freedom to take the freedom we take for granted , for granted? And a better contract?
Brilliant. Simply brilliant!
UPDATE: For clarification purposes, I did not write this piece. I am a blogger over at TheZoo and this masterpiece was written by one of our regular readers and commenters at TheZoo, 5thstate. In the original piece, which I did write, I titled it 5thstate on Fighting the Good Fight.